Which type of guy are you?

1. Mr. Perennial Bachelor

This guy is well-mannered, smart, attractive, witty, successful, and his kisses melt you like ice cream in July. You can't believe that some gal hasn't walked him down the aisle long ago. Even if you approach him with caution his charm and persistence may win you over eventually. Then, just when you start considering whether to take his name or hyphenate, he'll peel out of the relationship faster than a NASCAR driver, leaving skid marks on your heart.

How he'll lure you in: Ask about his perpetual bachelorhood, and he'll tell you that he just hasn't found the right woman yet. The unspoken suggestion is that you could be her. But dating Mr. Perennial Bachelor is a fool's journey because there is no right woman… and there never will be. “Women always think I'll be the one, says Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser. “But if no one has been right, you probably won’t be either.”

Spot him before you're hooked: He’s not inclined to introduce you to his friends or family, an indication that he’s in no hurry to fully integrate you into his life. But the biggest giveaway is that his last significant relationship was back in college, and every relationship since has lasted just a few months – at most. Around the time you’re expecting your relationship to shift into serious, he’s putting it in reverse. As relationship coach Joyce Morley-Ball (aka Dr. Joyce) says, “If a man hasn’t gotten married by the time he’s 50, he’s probably not going to.”

2. Mr. Marry-Go-Round

Unlike Mr. Perennial Bachelor, this guy is all about getting married. Unfortunately, he treats marriage like a luxury car lease – and you can be sure that in a few years he’ll be ready to trade you in for a newer model. “The relationship is over when the romance is gone,” says Mark Rogers, Ph.D., an Irving, Texas relationship coach who works with Dr. Phil. Mr. Marry-Go-Round hasn’t figured out that all passion cools naturally, and when his does, he’ll blame you. “He’ll say, ‘You weren’t the right one because when I find the right one, I’ll stay in this infatuated euphoria forever,’” Rogers says.

How he’ll lure you in: He’s a virtuoso romancer, so dating him is like being on a permanent honeymoon. Plus, the fact that he’s been married before suggests that he’s not afraid to make that kind of commitment. If you’ve been dating men who can’t even whisper the “M” word, someone who’s practically sprinting down the aisle and introducing you as the future Mrs. So-And-So is certainly seductive.

Spot him before you’re hooked: Find out exactly how many times he’s been married. If he’ll soon outpace Liz Taylor – and his brides are getting younger – that should give you pause. “If he’s been married two or three or four times, there’s a good chance that he could be married two or three or four more times,” Kaiser says.Another indicator: If you suggest slowing things down, he’ll get impatient because you’re getting in the way of his next acquisition – you. “This is someone who’s used to getting what he wants,” Kaiser says. “You become the thing he wants.” If you decide to take the plunge, at least make sure the pre-nup is fair from your perspective.

3. Mr. No-Money Bags

He’s got champagne tastes on a beer budget and a walk-in closet full of financial skeletons. But that doesn’t bother him because he’s also got a preternatural ability to get into women’s wallets, as well as their beds. He’s counting on you to keep him in the style to which he hopes to become accustomed. “He looks for the financially well-off woman so he can mooch off her,” says relationship expert Celeste Simmons, co-author of You Know She’s A Princess When… (Third Dimension Press, 2006).

How he’ll lure you in: He’ll play on your natural affinity for nurturing and caretaking. It’s like stumbling onto a beautiful, crumbling Victorian house: You see past the sagging floors and peeling paint and envision how magnificent it could be. You figure a little “investment” will pay off big for both of you. Besides, what’s a little money when it’s the man of your dreams?

Spot him before you’re hooked: Whenever it’s time to pay, his wallet is conveniently AWOL – it’s in his other pants, he left it at home, he’s short on cash until he gets paid. Initially, it might seem reasonable to float him a little extra. But eventually his handout requests will get larger and larger until one day you may find yourself buying him a car, co-signing on a loan or making a down payment on a house. He’ll try to convince you that “it’s for us,” but as Simmons points out, you’ll be the one on the financial hook. When things go south, not only will he break your heart, but he’ll put you deep in debt and tank your credit.

4. Mr. Mama’s Boy

He’s sweet, affectionate and understanding. Unfortunately, he’s still hung up on another woman – his mother. Date this guy, and you date his mom... not exactly the threesome you might have had in mind. Mom still influences his professional decisions, his investment portfolio, where he lives, who he votes for. Project into the future and you can count on her influencing everything from where you buy a home to how you raise your children. And if you push him to choose sides, guess who loses? Yep, that would be you.

How he’ll lure you in: You figure that any man who loves his mother will know how to treat a woman right. “If you’ve been involved with guys who have been great in romancing you but have not had an emotional connection and then you run into a guy who knows and cares about how women feel, that can be really attractive,” Rogers says.

Spot him before you’re hooked: He compares you to his mother – and you come up short every time. The real test may come around Valentine’s Day: If you’re alone with a box of chocolates because he’s taken Mom out for a candlelit dinner, cut him loose. “At the most intimate level of his heart, he still loves Mom as much or more than you,” Rogers says.

5. Mr. Peter Pan

Though he’s physically in his 30s or 40s, emotionally Mr. Peter Pan is still a frat boy at heart. Life’s a nonstop, movable kegger and he’s the affable host. He’s on a first-name basis with all the bartenders in town, thinks 401k refers to computer stuff and is always ready for a trip to Las Vegas. But if you run into hard times – say, you’re in a serious car accident or you lose your job – he’ll be way, way out of his depth. Difficult situations aren’t in his repertoire, and when the going gets tough, you’ll be going it alone.

How he’ll lure you in: His spontaneity and sense of adventure bring out the kid in you. He’s the one who convinces you to go parasailing in Cancun or ditch work for an afternoon at the ball park.

Spot him before you’re hooked: He’s managed to dodge major responsibilities. Although by now his buddies are entrenched with mortgages, marriages, even babies, he’s still footloose. When it comes to dating, “let’s keep things light” is this guy’s mantra. Peter Pans eventually do grow up – into perennial bachelors.

6. Mr. Egomaniac

He’s brilliant and accomplished and has an unflagging belief in his own infallibility. “You never see him waffling or agonizing about a decision,” Rogers says. “He’s extremely decisive because the world revolves around him.” On the rare occasion when he’s not 100% right, he won’t take it well if you point it out. He may want an accomplished woman, but not so accomplished that you eclipse his glory. He may even do things to undercut your success, like embarrassing you at an office party or running you down in front of your colleagues in the guise of “being funny.” When you complain, he’ll accuse you of being too sensitive.

How he’ll lure you in: His confidence is irresistible. “He’s got that Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, macho inner strength that’s really appealing,” Rogers says.

Spot him before you’re hooked: He never tires of talking about himself or the things he’s interested in. Except there’s no give and take, just him lecturing. “He doesn’t care what you have to say,” Rogers says. “He may listen, but only long enough to prepare for his next persuasive statement.” Another giveaway: He surrounds himself with sycophants but has few real friends. “If you’re not a good listener or you only want to talk about yourself, the only people who are going to be around you are submissive people,” explains dating expert Stephany Alexander, founder of WomanSavers.com, a Web site dedicated to outing cheating or unethical guys.

7. Mr. Control Freak

Dating this guy will be like dating a boa constrictor. At first his embrace may seem warm and secure. But before long you’ll be suffocating. It’ll start with going to the restaurants he chooses, seeing the movies he picks, hanging out with his friends. But eventually, he tries to dictate everything about you, from what you wear to how you spend your free time. “He’s trying to get you to be who you’re not,” Kaiser explains. “One day you wake up, and you’re like, ‘Where did I go? I don’t even know what I like to eat anymore!’”

How he’ll lure you in: All this attention is certainly flattering. After all, he must really love you if he’s so concerned about you, takes such care of you and wants to be with you all the time, right?

Spot him before you’re hooked: He insists on orchestrating all your dates and tells you how to dress or act around his friends. Even if you’ve only been on a few dates, he phones frequently and has memorized your schedule. He’s suspicious of any relationship you have with any other guy. He expects you to agree with him, and if you don’t, he tries to persuade you you’re wrong. Run – don’t walk – away. “With a control freak, you have to give up more and more of your separate experiences, separate activities, separate friends,” Rogers says. “And then it goes deeper to separate thoughts and feelings until you are micromanaged at the emotional level. And that’ll kill you.”

St-Justine

I'm feeling so tired, like awfully sleepy and I just want to cry.
I can't eat properly since the past two months and it's tiresome.

I wish I could care more than I do
I wish that I can be more helpful
I wish there's something that I can do.

"Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do,because, sometimes you can mean nothing to someone, who means Everything to You"

It's sad to see babies dying especially during this period of the years. At St-Justine, many doctors scheduled abortions during this time, kind of cruel. It's even more sad for the people who stay. Whenever this time of the year comes, they would think about their lost baby.

It's sad to witness couples break when there's one person who do not want to.
It's sad that they ask for help but there's nothing much I can do.

"Timing is everything, even in love. When you're not ready to commit, you could en up regretting it. Sometimes, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with or without. Sometimes, you become so attached to a person that you just developed a need for the person. Only some luck people marry the love of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down."

But breaking up isn't absolutely a bad decision. As much as we're stick to someone, there's nothing as one cannot live without someone else. and when letting go, it will come a time someone else will appear.

"Always remember that when we lose someone we love, there will be pain in our hearts. But when there is pain, there will be strength and courage, and with that, there will always be the hope of finding someone who will love us and someone we can love even more."

it is also said that the greastest thing happen to ones who wait.

Và khi nào sẽ chấm dứt

(Holy cow!!!! I'm freaking frustrated, I've written this stupid entry for three times already and each time when I backspaced or whatever, it erased my entry!!! My pc doesn't do that *sobs* why this. I'm desperately need sleep and my butt is hurting for being sat on for like this for hours. GAAaahhhh!!! Geez, and I've completely lost the mood.)

Sometimes we wonder when will something end or when would something start. I've very curious about this myself since I can't find myself bringing an end to a part of my life to start another one.

I'm thinking, if to end something was what we really want to do, we would have done that earlier, yet we wait, and continue to wait, as if we don't have enough courage to take to put an end and choose to stagnate instead.

In life, there are things that we must do and other that we must not do. Is there really a wrong or right choice? Isn't it based on how we define it? Then, aren't what worse the rules we set ourselves for ourselves?

There are some choices that are stigmatized but for a certain reason, we still choose to continue.

I wish I had cherished more those little moments from the past only if I knew that they would be so ephermeral. People change and it's hateful to witness that. If people haven't changed, I believe that these moments would still be alive(but that's only in my dream, I know). I miss those little details back then.

Then, we're thinking maybe we don't know them that well afterall. We end up questioning ourselves about their intention to begin with...

I can't bring myself to see clearly or maybe I just don't want to. I'm waiting for an excuse... as if there aren't plenty of good excuses already.

Is life fair or not?

Yesterday, a friend called and she ended up sobbing because she's upset with her mark. She doesn't understand, nor do I, on how come she used two weeks to work on a project, but got a mark lower by 16 points than me who worked for about three days on that.

True, it's upsetting for her and I know she didn't mean to lower my self-esteem, but I've had my own share of bad luck with school.

I've tried to study and did, but for some reasons, I can't concentrate as much as I would like to. It seems like when there's 'this' part of your life that doesn't go well, 'God' would compensate for another part of your life and make it better. It's true, for the finals, I haven't studied as much...but got better mark than when I studied. Bleh. It sucks for everyone.

Somewhat, I know life is fair.

This is a proof that you don't get all the effort that you've put in. It doesn't mean that when you've given that much that you will receive as much.

But I believe that it will come back to me one day.

So?

How To Describe A Good Person

It has been so long since I last wrote here. Cyworld has changed and I don't like it very much. Now, it's just like any blog page with a messy organization of its content. I don't like to have my stuff all on the same page. It was great to have a menu on the right and sub tabs. Anyways.

Ah, it has been working and working since school ended. It has been freaking busy and I haven't even had the opportunity to lazy at home even if it's just one day. However, that's what I like about being busy...and away. It makes me miss home, otherwise, I'd always want to be outside. Somehow, the more you're away from something, the more you'll miss it. At the moment, I don't know how to love my family anymore and being home alone is like a torture...Lucky that with my job, I'd have opportunities to go away. And when I'd come back home, hopefully, I would have learn to love again. I know I'm blaming them for something they aren't even aware of...and it's as if by doing so, I'd feel less guilty for all the bad mishaps I'm doing to them. It's my idiotic way of balancing everything. I know I should not, but aren't there many many things I shouldn't do and many many things I should do, yet don't act accordingly?

Like a week ago, I met my nursing teacher to have my evaluation. She told me something that I can't get off of my mind, something that another nursing teacher once told me two years ago. They both said that they are aware I'm a good person, however, I must be careful with who I'm with, because some people have prejudices. They told me to stand strong because I have true values. Um...first, I'm not a good person and to think that I'm a good person is a prejudice. Second, I completely forgot until a friend reminded me that at that time, some student talked bad behind my back to the teacher so yeah. The problem is that throughout the traning period, I spent my time with one single person... someone who treat me like her friend (while I don't). It doesn't make much sense to me... as what can she possibly tell the teacher for her to give me those advice. But whatever, it happens all the time for me to be with people giving me back influence so whatever, up to me to choose.

I'm also very glad and I anticipate the moment I'd get my diploma. It seems so far away yet so close to me... after three years of intense training, finally. At 20 years, being a nurse is still unbeliveable to me. It's too young. I feel so old. To have so much work experience and being through different situations in life make me feel old...as if I've skipped a stage in life... where young people only enjoy life... does it appear like an unrealistic ideal? yeah eh? To be offically known as a nurse who take care of people when she can't even take care of herself is really something. From another point of view, I'm glad to have this ability because at the moment, taking care of unknown people seem to be what I do that best..and it brings me some sort of joy.

I can't rely on family, can't trust love, and have enough to be dependant on friends. Aye, I'm such a materialistic person...relying on superficial stuff to have a bit of happiness... But, I know...I know I yearn very much for my family's love and that special someone's...but now yet. Life brought me work and that's what I'm going to take for at least, the next five upcoming years. As I'm still young, it's the best time to get experience for work. And I love my job.

It's as if... I know what I want, yet going to the opposite path, and I end up being confused.

Time to go to bed, almost midnight and I'm working tomorrow morning. Back home, I'll have to update my laptop..hehe... and do some housecleaning, aiyaya.

Good night people.

Much love.

Yen

Nine Words Women Use

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are Right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, And you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing Usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonderswhy she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever : Is a women's way of saying **** ***

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Play with Words

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER! (OUCH!)

Ten Commandements

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so
again, are
thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay
strict attention
to every word you say; talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at
least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the
first year of marriage, the man speaks
and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and
the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and
the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for
his wife, you can be sure
of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become
as one;
The trouble starts when they try to
decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake
all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep
before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,
unders tanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of
chemistry. That is why wife
treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..

The Greatness Irony of Love

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
Having the wrong person when the time is right,
And finding out you love someone right after
That person walks out of your life.

And sometimes, you think you're already over a person,
Until you see them smile at you again,
You'll suddenly realize that you're really not.

For some, they think that letting go is one way
Of expressing how much you love the person,
By sacrificing your happiness for theirs,
Without realizing that the other person's
Doing the same thing for them.

Most relationships tend to fail
Not because of the absence of love;
Love is always present,
It's just that one is being loved too much
And the other was being loved too little.

We always fall in love with the person we think we love,
Only to discover that what we loved about them fades.
Bad experiences are always remembered,
But it's the wonderful memories that are captured
To remind us that there are brighter days ahead
And that happiness exists.

You need to learn to let go when you're hurting too much,
Realize that sometimes love just isn't enough
And accept the fact that things aren't always gonna be the same.

There is someone out there who will love you more.
It's all the thought you put into your decisions
That impairs your judgement
When your heart already knows what you need to do.

Listen to your heart. Even though it's on the left side, it's always right.

The Meantime Girl

She's the one you call when you're bored, because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down, because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by tha same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine for her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you, and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relation or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool...why can't all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spent any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get pinkberry like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, ans she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I'm a meantime Girl. Been one more times that I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's even had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won't be around.

12 Rules

1) Don’t turn your back on love when it’s already in front of you, Don’t drive it away from you, because if you do, someday, you’ll think again, why you let love flew when it was there next to you.

2) In Love, think things first over if you’re sure about how you feel, Don’t fall too hard not knowing where you will stand, ‘coz it will hurt real bad if things don’t go the way you want them to be.

3) It’s an irony to know that it takes hours for someone to have guts to say “hi” to the one he likes, days to admire, weeks to miss the person, months to love, but just a blink of an eye to say goodbye…

4) Go for the person who loves you. It is not wrong to love someone who belongs to someone else, but it is much better to love someone who could also love you in return.

5) Love isn’t something we hold, it is something we set free, It’s not something we just do, but it’s something we don’t imagine to be. Lastly, it’s not something we choose, it chooses us…

6) The scariest thing about falling in love is getting hurt. The scariest thing about getting hurt is not being able to love again. The scariest thing about not loving again is being alone forever.

7) When you follow your heart, worry not where it will lead you, for your heart knows the way. And if you do get lost or reach a dead end, use your head to lead you back home. (I like this one!)

8.) When you truly care for someone, you don’t look for faults, you don’t look for answers, you don’t look for mistakes. Instead, you fight for the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook excuses.

9) It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love, than lose your loved one to your useless pride.

10) Love is not “it’s your fault”, but “i’m sorry”, not “where are you?”, but “i’m here”, not “how could you?”, but “i understand”, not “i wish you were here”, but “i’m thankful you are “.

11) The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist with our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselveswe find in them.

12) If a relationship is truly meant for you, your love will find a way to make it happen.

The Tale of Love and Life

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why? " he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: " I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .. And as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE

To Mend A Heart

When your young your parents hold your heart; they take care of it, nurture it, feed it and love it. They are your heart's caretaker. But once you grow older your parents give you your heart and tell your to give it to someone you love. From that point on your heart is yours to give. But your parents have been taking care of your heart for you up to that point and no matter what you mess it up. You give it to someone and they stomp on it, spit on it and tear it to bits and pieces, but you kneel down to pick up the pieces and mend every back together because even though its a dirty, broken heart its still your heart. But you cant find happiness if your heart doesn't get shattered into a million pieces, you have to let it get mangled by others. As time goes on and the more people you give your heart to and the more it gets broken the closer you are to finding the person who has scars that match your own. When that time comes you give them your heart and they know how to hold it, care for it, and nurture it because they know what you've been through and how to be the caretaker of your heart.

That is true love

"No"

What is unconditional love? It is when the person you love, tears you into pieces and yet you still smile and say..."You know what, you don't have to love me back...I'll be perfectly fine." "All...all you have to know, is that once upon a time, there was someone who really loved you."

She told them, she doesn't mind even if it's over as long as she has a clear answer. She got it wrong, she lied.

Maybe it's easier for her to accept a 'no' answer than not an answer at all, because there's fear.

Why can't she be the one to cut it off...but waits for it to be done? She's so weak to fear of the miss that the future would bring. Yet, she knows she would be fine. Everyone can, even her.

But, in my eyes, she's such a stupid girl. I wished her eyes can look into someone else and say, "I like you".

However, that's only what she thought a months ago. Time goes by so fast...many things change...so much that she doesn't even know what.

In the end, what truly prevails?

If I can give up everything I own
Every dream I dreamed
Even my own life for that one person
And ask for nothing in return
Only then, just maybe
I can come to a mere fraction
of understanding what love truly means
and that is truly worth living, and dying for.

What's Happening?

"Sometimes, it is much better to care than love. Cause when you care, you're safe from losing the person you care for. But when you love, you can lose everything you're scared of losing forever."

I'm so tired. I haven't spent over six hours working non-stop for school for this past semester except yesterday. At least, I was drawing, coloring, and cutting. When I went to bed, it ached everywhere.

But...Today, I'm feeling tired, differently.
Three months ago, I planned going to Cuba during holidays. My friend didn't want to go because we were just two. I wished to finally be away from here once. Then, I just lost the need to go. Another friend introduced a holiday, part time, job for me. I went for the interview last week, kind of flunked it, but they still took me in, lol. However, at the beginning of this week, I received I call from the hospital, and somehow, I knew it's for work during my winter break. Idiot. They swear they don't take students during the winter break. Anyways, I missed many calls from the head nurse and myself, I couldn't reach her with several tries. I hoped I can work part time at the hospital, so then, I can work at both places. Thinking that the chance was low, when I finally reached her, she said it's a 7/15 job!! Obviously, I agreed. It's going to be hard. By the 21st of January 08, I will again complain that I had no winter break, but I already feel excited to work.

I don't even care if it's sacrificing Christmas days or New Eves. I usually spend them alone in front of the computer. At least, I'll be with my patients. I'm glad, because I know they'd need me.

They say, people who try hard, will stop trying one day. I'm on the edge of it. I can bear a 'no'. I can bear a...'let's stop'. But I hate not knowing what's happening, because I've been through it, I don't want to feel like that again. I hate not knowing what's going on in someone's mind. I hate not knowing what you want. I hate...not having a clear answer.

In the end, I might just as well end it myself. It's right now that I hate the color 'gray', the word 'maybe'; I just want 'black or white', 'yes or no'.

" We've always known what hurts, still we haven't learned to stay away from such, because painful as it is, that's the only way to feel their presence (seems like some of my psycho patients who hurt themselves in order to feel that they are alive); we always give in, we still check on them every now and then just to see what's been happening since they left, that even if sometimes we say ' I just wanna see him/her happy', deep in our hearts, there's that flicker of hope. So then, it's true that the more you think you're healing, the deeper the wound is searing." It doesn't represent how I am now, only how I was.

I don't want to give, I don't want to care anymore. To be the only one who tries, it's too tiring. And what for?

Why...

being who I am...

will I still care?

The Value of Friendship

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when

you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

Among family, friends, career, and love, I value Friends the most, yet rely on career more, but I know, when I fall...only true friends would be there to catch me. ^^ And forgive my mistakes.

I love you, friends.

A Typical Day of Mine

Aiya.

Erh.

Started this entry yesterday...only wrote the title... but don't know what to say.

I'm yawning.

Good Night to me. ^__^ aaahh... it's great talking to an old best friend once in a while. =)

lol...will be edited for sure.

// So I edited this entry with this crap =P // 07-10-16

Typical day of mine, not. - Nowhere on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair.

Okay... I hate filling the "Today I'm [...]" part. It never seems to have the exact word I need.

8:00 : Feeling all right, ready to go to school.

9:00 12:00 : Class subject: Soins aux mourants. Ouh. I guess, I was feeling so-so, wasn't paying much attention.

12:00 : Got 3 SMS from friends o.O
1) What are you doing?
2) I have my driver license!!!
3) We're at St-Paul. (WHERE, at St-Paul? So I called the friend back and geez, she was so rude as if I was dumb, asking, 'Can't you read the sms'? But damn, be more polite, you didn't specify.

12:00 to 13:00 : Listening to friends complaining about their class... they came late to class and the whole class was kind of bitching at them... They somewhat felt attacked...uh.

13:00 to 15:40 : Had a just-for-fun test in which I did not so bad. You get 1% just for being there.

15:40 to 15:52 : Oh Damn, I'm too early. Let's walk around...and wait... Ah no, 'toc, toc toc, the teacher was actually in her office.

16:52 to 16h45 : Training evaluation. Overall, it was good, but before leaving, the teacher said, ' I expect from you a little bit more than what I asked, just a little bit more.' All right, so what you meant by this after saying that... my training was good? o.O

17:00 to 18: 00: I was indecisive about if I should go to the library to study or go home. I just can't concentrate at home. In the end, I got off at Cremazie, (feeling too hungry), then I went to buy some food instead of eating the dinner at home and was very wired to do a good job at home.

18:00 to 19:00 : Still feeling very wired, went to take shower, came out to eat, drank coffee...

19:00 to 19:45: Ooouhh... excited!!!!

19:45 to 23:00 : Almost did nothing although my books are opened in front of me.

23:00 to 24:15 : Scanned a stupid huge book for friends and myself because we decided not to buy it. Frustration. Angered!!!! PISSED OFF! for god' sake.
I can't even remember when was the last time I've accumulated so much anger during days. and. can't evacuate it!!! GRRR! ...it just gets worse. and no. it's not *just* because of that stupid book. >.<>.< gahh!!!

Can that be said to be a typical day of mine?

Two Fs' thing

'Goodbye is only painful when you know you'll never say hello again.'

I may appear to be in deep thoughts, but actually, my mind is blank, because I'm just clueless.

Some may say that it's possible to stay neutral, just that it's hard to stand that way because people want you to take side. Some may see it as denial.

I don't want to stay neutral anymore. All along, my mom was just trying to protect her daughter. (I still think that for her to choose *that* moment to venge her anger isn't right.) What happened between my grandmother and her is none of my concern, but what history of my uncle is. That would be the only point I'll have to confront my aunt with. I guess, I'll have to get what she already knows and clarify with what she doesn't. By doing so, I take a risk of killing the fragile relationship I have with my aunt and I might be blamed by my dad and the rest of the family too, for causing more trouble.

It seems to be how the society is. If you stay neutral, you'll be condemned for not having an opinion, but if you make a choice, people who aren't satisfy with it, will blame you for the negative result.

It's not that I don't have an opinion. Only, the story belongs to the past and although it has never been resolved, I can't believe four years later, it will. Maybe I'm used of trying to satisfy most of people around me and just adapt myself to people's will... That the only picture I saw, was the big picture, neglecting my own mom's feelings.

I'm not really scared of confronting my aunt, what I'm scared of is that forgiveness doesn't have its place among my family members. I still believe that family should forgive... I don't like my uncle, but after four years, how can I still be bother by what he did? It's not like I'm traumatized by this for the rest of my life. My case seems to bring more problems to people around me than myself.

As a kid *and honestly, even when I was in high school*, grandmother would tell stories and as I listened attentively to them, I believe them, even though they were very far-fetched. Time goes by, I learned to believe some and forget about others.

Mom told me that in the letter, grandmother wrote that she wished I'll become a nobody. Am I really hurt by this? I'm upset by her immaturity. I know that the 'face' is extremely important for my grandmother. When she talked to her friend, who's daughter is studying med., she seemed to be embarrassed by me, who's in nursing. At that time, I barely noticed and didn't put much emphasis on it, only, mom reminded me about it.

It's all right that she doesn't love me as much as her other grandchildren. Love shouldn't be obtained by exchanging something, not between family members. And, I don't need her love to live. But, at least, I wish that she would know that even after all this, I care enough to forgive, because my mother won't. But then, she might not even know that I already have. Maybe I just don't care. It's all about, "Okay, I know now, so?]" [dot].

I just can't understand her immaturity. Aunt asked me to call her whenever I have time because she'll die soon. I don't want to be the first one calling. I don't want to be the one giving in, because she's at fault. If she really cared, she would have called, instead of going around, telling people that we don't care about her. (by the way, aunt, you don't know what being old really is, grandmom can have at least 15 years to go). Age is an excuse for her behavior. And, it shouldn't be.

I know that Dad wants to have news of her. I understand that after all, she's his mother...but what about mine? And like me, four years ago, Dad chose silence, for the big picture... and I used to resent him for that. Just a bit.

I take a lot of time before making my choice, but once I have, I don't want to turn back and regret. Whatever choice I make, I will either betray my mom or my dad. This is why I acted neutral as much as possible.

I'm wondering if that's how adults' world is built up. You turn against your own family and become a loner, but even when you're a loner, it's impossible to live without love, so you end up searching for it everywhere, being thirsty for acceptance. Isn't that how we live in society, wherever we are?

But, family doesn't consist of four people. And, in my definition of family, forgiveness exists; to care and respect each other shows your love.

Does it have to be like in the movies? That only when you lose someone, you'll know how he was precious to you? Is it that by then, we'll start to sincerely care? Or maybe, even after this, we'll still turn our back to each other. Can human beings be more selfless. Why are we all stuck with our own success? Have they ever tried doing something, just for the sake of it or someone, knowing that it's pointless, but still persevere?

Ah, maybe the problem is me. Maybe, I'm being at fault for being myself, for being naive. //Edit// The point is... there are some things I just don't want to hear, because I already know it. For instance, brother complained that parents didn't subscribe him in a back-up school, in case his entrance exam for Regina goes bad. I heard (from my room with my movie on) Dad says, "It's because you do better than your sister at school, you don't need a back-up high school." Might be a fact, but was it a must to *repeat* it? But then, seeing how Dad is relaxed, I've long understood...because I do remember the oh-so encouraging sentence he said as he drove me to school on the exam day. Just something similar to: "If you don't get in, you can't/won't be able to study anymore (not have a future)." //End//

Just a change of subject, the point is the same. Me, stuck in the middle.

In about one month and a half, it'll be two of my high school friends' birthday. One of my friend said that she only have one day free that she can spend with us. I, as always, understand that she's busy. I also know that she likes it better to spend time with her own friends. It's something that bother me a bit, just because it bother others. What I mean is, it's the same pattern every year. However, one of the birthday girl wrote to me, saying she'll take a day off work just because it's the other friend birthday. She said, would I like if it was my birthday and your friend shoots you one day to take or to leave. All right, it's upsetting...but what can I do? I... Why am I always taking matter lightly and end up with mess like this? I can't confront my friend who has her busy schedule taken by *other* friends and school and family... not that she isn't aware of what she's doing... and it's not like I'm not at any wrong here. I feel guilty myself and can't bring myself to confront her. They all go through by me so their complains would come to me... It does hurt to know that our position seems to be last, in the end, we're not even a priority anymore.

Ah, sac à patates.

See, in reality, there's nothing for me to stay here. I so don't feel attached to this place.

There isn't something like, ' I can't live without you.'

Nancy, Ly, and Kim knows I want to work abroad. One supported the idea. One absolutely doesn't want me to leave her. One obviously doesn't want me to go, but would still say 'all right...'.

Let me learn. When I come back, I would know how much I miss what I have here. By then, I'd know how precious people are here to me. =)

Ah, it's already 2AM and I just came back home about one hour and a half ago. It already smells like Winter so cold but I like it. Made me think all about this.

Seven Wonders of the World

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids

2. Taj Mahal

3. Grand Canyon

4. Panama Canal

5. Empire State Building

6. St. Peter's Basilica

7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help. " The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch

2. to taste

3. to see

4. to hear

She hesitated a little, and then added

5. to feel

6. to laugh

7. and To LOVE

The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop. Those things we overlook as simple and "ordinary" are truly wondrous.

Buses and Life

"Although we can't see it, everyone has a red thread tied to their little finger. And on the other end of the thread is tied to the person who has the conjugal tie. However, the thread is entangled. So it's hard to find the other end. And sometimes, people just get lost. But some day, we will hold the red thread and stand in front of our conjugal tie."

So, after class, a friend gave me a ride and I had to choose to either take the subway at Henri-Bou or to take the bus at Christophe-Colomb. In the end, I chose to take the bus, thinking it will come in 5 minutes and we'll get there in time. We would have if we didn't get all the red lights. In the end, the bus turned the street just in front of my eyes and the chauffeur drove away when I was few meters away from the bus. Damn it.

Nah, I really didn't feel like walking for 30 min to reach home so I took the bus back to the subway station. There, I waited for another bus that goes on St-Hubert, knowing I'll be able to catch my bus ...one day. (Okay, I could have taken the subway but no.) Thinking that if it goes fine, I'll be able to catch the bus à 18h17 instead of waiting until 18h29 and it was about 18h10 when I looked my watch. Oh my... Can I feel luckier. The bus driver once again got most of the red lights too! When I got off of that bus, I was sure I missed my bus-home. Then, asking a lady standing there, she said the bus hasn't yet to come. Uh, after waiting for a while (7min?) the bus finally came, late but it still arrive.

Isn't it like life? Making the wrong choice, missing the opportunities, going backwards, missing another opportunities, feeling hopeless but still go on, and when you think you've again missed it, in the end, it still come. Late. But in the end, it comes around.

Hum, all right, I just did an examen in my Humanity class...might be a post-trauma.

Feeling Weird

(Why don't they have an icon called 'weird'? Argh.)

All right, so training in psy is over. God, bless you. I have few more classes to attend and it would be over until the end of the semester! Ah no, I have a stupid project to work on too. Bleh. But okay, I have Thursdays off in October, no training.

Uh, I'll take one of my day off to go eat lunch with my aunt. A must. Few days ago, I was speaking on the phone with my uncle because of some internet stuff and instinctively (or defensively) I felt so annoyed. Maybe...seeing mom hurts like this...I just can't.

Today, I wanted to cut off the other students' tongues. Geez, they talk way too much. It was already past 4pm and I had to meet up a friend who was getting off of work at 5pm, but they kept on asking questions!!!! Already stressing out for some sort of exam called ECOS for nursing. Don't they get it?! You'll have your 2% as long as you attend that day and participate. That's it! Gah, I wanted to shout out, "Sorry teacher, but I'm leaving now, byebye."

What's with my mood? It has been going well for the past three weeks. Really, it wasn't like this for the whole summer. Never ever was I feeling happy for 2 consecutive weeks. I was more moody this week though and quite scared that 'it' will come back. Well okay, not moody. Just few symptoms are there again, like feeling abnormally bored even with stuff to do, needing friends around, being apathetic, sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes not...Bleh.

Oh, and I've been taking naps after classes/training for at least two hours... It's not like I have to stand up all day or something but I do get really tired.

Okay, something is wrong here.

Again.

Damn.

What Gender is a Computer?

The group of girls concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1- In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2- They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3- They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4- As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The boys, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3- Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Smile Again

"What do storm and love have in common?"
"You never know when they will hit. And if you don't seize the opportunity, you never know when it will come again. And you may be sorry afterwards."
"What if, I just can't love?"

As a result of an impulse, I called my aunt on Friday during my 3 hours of break. She wasn't there, but called back later, thinking I wanted to come over. Well, it was only to talk. It feels too weird to lose contact with someone you've been so close since very young. However, it was already too late when she called back, I was almost late for class.

I've spent about three days this week at the library and at starbucks to study... just because I can't concentrate at home and won't be efficient enough. Erh, what to do...nowhere else to go. Problem is, today came, after studying for about five hours, I wanted so much to go home and be alone. The friend I'm used to study with had to leave for work, so again, I called out someone I lost contact with for the past six years, but met out of nowhere again, and that person agreed to stay at the library. Lol, because I've gained a lot of courage, I do many things out of impulsion. Regarding this, I don't regret my action. Only, it made me realize... a bit sad, but that's just how it is.

Maybe because I'm relying too much on school, that I'm scared if the was to crumple, I'll lose my last cushion. Therefore, although the teacher and the nurse said that my training is so far so good... I don't really want to trust their words entirely, because I've met hypocrite teachers before. It would just hurt too much thinking the training is going well but end up with a low ( ~7...) (friends were mad for me) mark. Worse, it happened twice.

Hum, good work and good luck to me for the psychiatry training. Six days to go. Damn. And I have about three hours of 'travaux de stage' to do before sleeping and it's already ten o'clock.

Ah, and it's just so weird how I felt quite content yesterday, but came back home and while listening to a song, I shed tears again. Same thing for today, I was really hyper this morning, but then...And why did I dream about drowning myself after jumping in the water. What the hell?!!? Worse is that I can remember. Oh, but then, I also dreamed that I finally got a dog. LOL! Such thing won't happen.

English is a Phunny Language

Let's face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault; the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.

Tears

"Girls are like ovens, they take time to warm up. But guys are like microwaves, you just have to push a button to heat them up."

That was a quote, totally unrelated to the subject. Something I find very true and funny.

Tonight, within ten minutes, I cried twice. A friend asked, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I guess, I am. I don't know why I cried and no, I wasn't watching a sad movie. Maybe due to some musics? Well, I'm fine, since I don't know what's really wrong.

I just... continuously feel bored. There are so many paperworks to do for my training that I must hand in this Monday, notes to write for my classes, homeworks to do for next day... yet, I'd still feel bored. I'd feel bored while watching a movie.

Might update this entry one day...if I find the answer.

// Edit: no, I haven't found the answer, not like I really care now.

A friend wrote me this which I find sooo funny : "Le sexe masculin est ce qu'il y a de plus léger, une simple pensée le soulève."

Results

I should be writing this earlier but didn't have time. Mah, actually, my computer was plugged on my TV. My PC is getting weird. Sometimes it doesn't want to start when I just switched monitor. Baby, don't get sick like me. I need you. >.>'.

I went to school...thursday... I stayed quit most of the day. Two of my friends knew something was wrong but all I did was saying I'm fine. Hum, part of why I didn't talk much was because my throat was extremely sore. Then, at the end of the day, because she continuously asked, I told her that their sarcastic comments aren't funny anymore. Telling me I'm depressed and that I get myself into studies just to... 3 times a day are too much. Just because we're studying in "santé mentale" doesn't give them the right to associate diseases with me continuously like this. I know that they are just saying it for fun, but honestly, repeating the same s*** several times a day is too much. I'm not the me of before who would tolerate everything.

Ha, then next day, she would talk softly to me and she obviously thought before speaking. It was 'too' obvious though. Anyways... I can careless. Trainings are starting in two days, thus we will only see each other twice a week.

On Friday, I finished early but I didn't call my aunt.

Today, is the last day of work but I called in sick. I spent few hours at the library studying instead. Not very productive as I had to take care of my nose every minute. I even bought Puff with lotion because it's so irritated. I feel like Ruldoph in swimming suit. Have you ever seen Ruldoph in a swimming suit?

A friend came over to sleep yesterday, but she couldn't fall asleep as my Dad was drinking with his friends till very late. She even had her Ipod on. As for me... my friend thought I'd stop breathing soon in my sleep. As I was exhaling, I made a weird sound. At first, she thought I was snoring, but told me that it was obvious I had trouble breathing. Anyways, it's just funny to know. Nothing dangerous. Just a simple cold.

Too Much Nonsense

"We're old enough and mature enough to control our words."

I think, I've been forgiven for my sins...but I'm no longer in a state to be forgiving.

I know that my aunt is trying to keep contacts with me. However, I've been very hostile towards her. I don't want so, but I have a strong need to protect myself. She hasn't done anything wrong, though. I was thinking if I should call her up for lunch, but...I'm very reluctant.

I cannot forgive my family, yet they didn't commit something unforgivable. Their temper purely got out hands. They are human creatures who blame someone else for their own misery. Just as I do. I'm blaming them for bursting the family image or hope I had in my mind. I was always aware of the problems we had and I know that in every family, there are their own problems. It just...happened at the wrong moment, at the wrong time.

I was talking about the family image with a friend, saying that what I believed as a real family was 2 people who, although lost the love (passion) they had, still stay together for the sake of the family. Then, she told me, it's because that what's we know of 'family'. The real definition isn't really like that. I... I wanted to create my own with my own values. However, I've always had this scare about divorces, even if I don't know what a divorce is.

Getting married, doesn't guarantee a loyal love towards each other.
Not getting married, doesn't mean you don't love each.
Not divorcing, doesn't mean you still love each other.
Divorcing, doesn't always mean you stopped loving each other.

Anyways, this is over. I don't want anymore. If it's to live like this, I don't want anything at all. And yes. I'm perfectly aware It's because I want to protect myself too much.

I said before, it's either work or family. Now, I'm choosing work. I'll study well, because I know it won't betray me. And with that, I can go work in many cities around the world.

Others might wonder why do I have such strong reactions towards these situations. They are very common actually, right? There are even worse situations.

So? Everyone's different. It's not because you would have went through all this well, that I have to, too. And it's not because people are dying out there that I can't live my emotions as I feel like to.

And I admit, I'm weak.

Then, if this crisis happened at another period of my life, maybe it would end better, but at the moment, I really can't.

_______________________________________________________

At the moment, I believe we're old enough to know what we're saying. Fine if you hurt the other party with your words and have the habit of saying 'sorry' after. .

But this won't do. Even if you're a friend. I'm sorry.

Okay, I'll say 'you're like this'. This is an excuse I give you and an excuse you give yourself. We all have to grow up and learn that there are some things that cannot be told or shall be said with a different tone. Saying, 'I'm a spontaneous person ' won't do.

Honestly speaking, I've very thankful for what you've done up to now. But, I'm not the old me who would digest all your sarcastic words. Everytime, you'll see me carrying a tired face. Although you can't see, but I know you can feel it. You might still believe that nothing bothers me...yet it's wrong. Behind this smile, lays pain and frustration. Just like a clown.

I'm learning to live my frustration fully. And you, will learn to have me distancing myself from you.

Another friend once told me, there are many friendships that last a month, some three months, others a year, but only a few will last a lifetime and it's only with them, that you can you fully open yourself to.

It might be weird to say this...that I used to always fully trust my friends, but today, believe that even those that I thought were genuine, are pure manipulations.

Tinh Gia Dinh,
Tinh Ban,
Tinh Yeu,
Con Viec,

Only one won't betray me. The one I had least thought of. Or maybe is it the only one that is truly safe, depending
on how much effort I put in?

Oh, and would you believe me if I tell you "I'm okay?"
I'm really okay!!! Really.
Lol, it's true.

Hum...I feel like turning off my cellphone. Just a while. Can I?

Just for a while, cutting contacts with the world.

Pas Le Temps

"Remember, everything is going to be okay-- no matter what happens."

Bon alors, la session 5 a commencé et il me reste donc un an avant de terminer ma technique. Ah, finalement, je n'aurai pas tant de journée à rien faire que cela. Elles sont la plupart occupées par des laboratoires. Toutefois, j'ai quand même 2h30-3h à perdre les vendredis-midis.

Hum, j'ai commencé ma session en me disant que ce serait horrible en psychiatrie et en gérontologie. Je ne sais pas encore pour géronto, mais la psy, c'est quand même intéressant. Un peu trop de blah blah et on se demande quoi faire pour les examens, mais c'est intéressant. Tout comme le test que j'ai passé aujourd'hui.

Vous êtes sur un chemin...vous marchez...

1. Vous trouvez une tasse par terre. Que faites-vous avec? Et en quoi est-elle faite?
2. Vous continuez votre chemin et voyez une clé par terre. Que faites-vous?
3. Vous continuez votre chemin et arrivez devant une maison. Que faites-vous? (ex. contourner la maison)
4. Vous continuez votre chemin et vous vous retrouvez devant un étang d'eau. Qu'est-ce que c'est? (ex. un lac)
5. Vous continuez votre chemin et vous arrivez devant un mur. Deux choix : rebrousser chemin ou passer par-dessus.






















Mes réponses et la signification
1. Ramasser la tasse -- porcelaine (fragile)
Cela représente l'amour.

2. Ramasser la clé et mettre dans la poche. (voleuse!!!ouioui)
Cela représente l'argent.

3. Essayer d'ouvrir la porte de la maison avec la clé.(entrer dans la maison)
Cela représente la famille. (Ouais, je comprend très bien d'où j'ai sorti ça...)

4. c'est juste une flaque d'eau que je passe par dessus.
Cela représente l'importance de la sexualité...plus c'est gros plus ca prend de la place...(Que voulez-vous, j'étais la seule dans la classe qui a sortie ça comme réponse.)

5. Rebrousser chemin
Cela représente la mort. (Cela veut dire que...j'ai peur.)



Les stages commencent déjà la semaine prochaine. Cette session, il va falloir que je rende à Laval pour un stage et l'autre, je me retrouve à Hochelaga. Erh. Ce qui est amusant, c'est qu'on est habillé en civil et les jupes (longues) sont permises. Ah, pas de jeans bleus.

Mahhh...je me suis réveillée ce matin avec un mal de gorge et j'ai éternué toute la journée. Fait froid...j'ai froid. Mon bout du nez a froid. Ce n'est pas vraiment le temps d'avoir un rhume, surtout que je travaille en fin de semaine...

To Forgive and Forget

Forgiving isn't forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt.












Forgetting doesn't make it all better, it just makes it hurts again when I remember.

Suspicious

"Human beings are creatures who cannot even recognize the truth that lays before their very eyes."

I know that right now, my personality is taking a turn-around. Alice's mom called yesterday after my work, but she said she wanted to call grandmother, yet thought of my cellphone number. Well, the thing is, she usually only mistakes my home phone number. She started asking about if I was getting off my training. No, I'm not in training but working. Then, she asked when I'd started work and if I have any long break this semester. The only 'long' break is on Friday, during lunch time for about 2h30. However, it's too short on time to go downtown and go back to school after. I'll see. I really want to move it, to make this space disappear from my schedule. I have nothing to do during 2h30 of break on a Friday. Anyways, I didn't explain all this to her. She still asked me to come have lunch with her. All right.

Honestly speaking, although Dad has asked me to call Alice's mom to ask about grandmother and her, but I didn't do so and never planned to do so. I could careless. I'm very tired to take care of people who do not even care themselves. I could be careless. Why should I care?

They are the 'real' adults after all.

Then, today I met my aunt who's living upstairs at the metro station when going back home. We didn't really talk. I was on the phone.

They have to understand that I can get mad too.
My patience, my tolerance, my caring, all have been drained.

And I start to doubt about silly things. Like why did my aunt call? Why did my uncle mailed?
Excuses. We should stop giving excuses for someone's behavior. Can't live up with excuses.

Truth hits on the face and hard.

Me, being gullible is enough too. I don't want to trust people as much I as blindly as I used to. Although I can't see myself doing so... I know, I need to protect myself.

I used not to bother, believing that real friends won't purposely hurt me. I believed that we were sincere and genuine.

Building up something a new me, I'm a bit scared of the outcome...

Part of life, maturing and well...changes?

I'll be fine. Time will heal, yet a scar will remain.

At least, at work, they still complain that I laugh and smile for no reason. However, few days ago, with a nurse I like a lot, while dressing up a wound, she made sign, telling me to smile..........

Now, let's try to eat and sleep normally. How come I can only do one properly?! Ah geez.

Genre de traumatisme

"Always smile, even if it's a sad smile because even sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile."



Il y a à peu près de cela un mois. En dedans de une semaine, je me suis coupée l'index et le pouce en ouvrant ce contenant de médicament. Jamais auparavant je m'étais heurtée le doigt contre la paroi de vitre lorsque l'ampoule est cassée. Cela ne fait pas excessivement mal. La plaie n'est pas très large, elle semble seulement plus profonde que je l'aurais imaginé, étant donné que cela n'arrêtait pas de saigner et il fallait que j'aille donner une injection à partir de cette ampoule en vitesse parce que la patiente souffrait. Ben oui, avec le sang qui imbibait le coton de ouate... En dedans de une semaine, la plaie se referme. Par contre, lorsque j'appliquais une légère pression à ces endroits, cela faisait bizarrement mal ou plutôt sensible. Depuis ce temps, j'ai peur des ampoules. Je tiens l'ampoule avec un morceau de papier pour ne pas me couper, je force pour l'ouvrir, mais je ne suis pas capable et l'inf. doit me le faire. Le pire, tout le département ou presque sait que j'ai peur de ça. Une après l'autre a donné un 'truc', pas que cela ne marche pas, c'est pas ce qu'il faut.

Assez incommode comme peur. Elle s'est installée... comme si dans ma mémoire, je ne peux pas oublier le 'shhhreek' au moment de la coupure. Pourtant, ma cheville me fait bien plus mal, et ce depuis bien plus longtemps, mais ça ne m'empêche pas de marcher ni de porter des talons hauts.

Horaire pour automne 2007

"And I lied to myself, and said it was for the best."

Fin août, septembre, octobre, novembre, début décembre.

Psychiatrie.
Réadaptation (gérontologie).

Non, je n'ai pas le goût.

Oui, je n'ai pas vraiment eu de vacances cette été. Été assez laid à vrai dire.

Oui, j'ai passé une journée de formation pour travailler durant l'année scolaire, mais j'ai décidé et averti le responsable que je ne travaillerai pas.

Oui, la majorité de mes patients sont des personnes âgées qui ont l'alzheimer ou sont simplements confus.

Oui, je suis sur un département d'orthopédie, alors le début de la réadaptation, j'ai bien vu comment c'est difficile pour eux.

Donc, non, je n'ai pas le goût de refaire cela, en pire.

Oui, ils font pitiés, mais non, je n'ai plus de patience pour les patients qui ne s'aident pas eux-mêmes.

Je vais avoir des stages pendant toute la session, trois fois par semaine, sauf que le mois d'octobre. Qu'est-ce que je vais faire pendant le mois d'octobre, au-secours. Ce serait donc trois journées de congé + deux jours de fin de semaine = semaine à l'envers ( 2 jours d'école, 5 jours de congé). Sincèrement, il faut absolument que je me trouve un passe-temps outre sortir et m'écraser chez moi.

Mais enfin, je me dis cela deux fois par année: la première fois c'est quand qu'on change d'année et la deuxième fois c'est quand que je commence une nouvelle année scolaire.

Let's hope it ends for a new beginning.

Annoyed

I don't know where the idea of going to the beach before school starts came from. Maybe, I just wanted to do something out of this painful summer '07. Ah, somehow, most of my summers were terrible to go through. Still, went through them all. How come this one seems like it will never end?

Hum, I don't think this plan will work out. People aren't available.
All right... then. I'll just go to the Super Aqua Club with Nancy. Must do something out of this summer that can bring some happy memories before I concentrate myself on studies.

Happiness is ephemeral.

But, I'm not ' Kam Sum (cantonese)' or... 'Cam Lon' with the way it's ending. However, I don't have control over it.

Don't ask me if it was worth it.

Depression or Confusion

Seems like something very important and huge.

This time, I'm not kidding. It has been going on for more than a month. Even my friend is scared... I used to think that tomorrow, it will be a better day. Yet, it doesn't work anymore. Actually, tomorrow hurts more than yesterday. sleeping wouldn't help.

My mind isn't here.

I carried around a weary smile for a whole month, but I found myself helpless. I used to discuss with patients and laughed with them wholeheartedly. Nurses would even say that I laugh easily for absolutely nothing. Starting maybe about a week or so ago, I can't anymore. I don't feel like starting a complex discussion with them. Sometimes, when they talk about their personal life, like going somewhere on a trip, I even fake listening.

I clearly know that to fake or put on a smiley face wouldn't bring me happiness, yet I still do it. There's still feeling of protection that is so strong, that I couldn't help it. Sometimes, I tend to be scared to hurt people who hurt me. I don't know why.

Trying to change ideas, to think about something else, to go out and have fun, to stay home and sleep or watch series, reading books, talked to friends : I've tried all that. Nothing works.

Someone said when I'm hurt, I'd smile. It's just... I don't want the concerned person to know. Why protecting them? I just do.

Family, what does the word Family means? My family appears to be fine, but it actually isn't. Maybe I'd rather see divorce than seeing them being together without being happy. But, I guess, there comes a time when you get use to a certain lifestyle and is lazy to change. It's a choice. Right, of course, my parents aren't mad at each other anymore. About the rest of the family, it's another story. Honestly, I'm just pissed off at their immaturity that I don't want to know the details about this fight. If this is their definition of family... hum...
For sure, family members that fight would eventually forgive each other because they are family. What if, they aren't? As a grandmother, how can you be so harsh and speak on impulse, telling your children that they aren't yours anymore?

Why can't they keep the past inside when they fight during the present, but bring back. all the grudge that they held. Why did they have to say words that would hurt to the extent of no coming back? Worse, both parties aren't very forgiven people. They don't forget either.

A friend said, thanks for not being like your family; thanks for not holding grudges. That friend also used to say I do not understand that someone has hurt me with their words.

It hurts a lot. Everyday... and the day after would hurt even more.

Time used to heal.
I used to be able to let go easily.

There had been a time I felt more relax, thinking I've succeeded. Wrong. I actually lost my rebound. There, I went back to my original state or maybe worse.

Really, it's a shame that because Quebec has a different way of teaching, that I can't study abroad in nursing. I'd have to wait at least three years before going over to Australia and work there.

It might be selfish to say this, but here, I don't feel like I have anything to hold on to anymore. I know, nobody close to me died, nor am I actually left alone.

Somehow, maybe I've given up on myself...that's why I can't see.

Of course, I know I have friends who care and worry and parents who love me.

But still, I don't want to stay.

Nah, it shouldn't sound that desperate. Why being so desperate when I have everything around me? Hum? Isn't it weird? Very simple. I don't know where I am...

It's all, I'll be okay.

I know, there come at time, I'd have to stand up on my own.
When that time comes, I'll do it myself, no more rebound.
After that period passed, I'm scared I'll close myself up.
Just because I've opened myself too much.

And right now, I don't want anyone to tell me that someone's else situation is worse. I know that.

So what?

The Reasons To Kill

Maudit patients.
Maudit personnels.

Il y a eu des problèmes avec une préposée à l'hôpital il y a quelques jours. Les 4 externes, on est allé parler à l'infirmier chef. Il nous a dit d'écrire ce qui s'est passé sur papier, que je n'ai pas encore fait, dont j'ai complétement oublié avec les choses qui se arrivent rendue à la maison. Aujourd'hui, j'ai appris qu'une externe a tout bavassé aux préposées de ce que nous avions raconté au chef. Apparemment, elle est amie avec eux. Cela ne dérange pas qu'elle ne prenne pas position avec nous, mais au moins, qu'elle reste neutre. A-t-elle oublié qu'elle est également externe? Beurk. Je vois bien, on ne peut donc pas croire et faire confiance à tout le monde. Je sais ben, mais j'y peux rien et c'est juste dégoûtant.

De plus, à la dernière minute, on reçoit un patient en post-op, au même moment où l'infirmière doit partir voir son médecin sur un autre étage. Oh. my. god. Ben oui, il restait trente minutes avant le changement de shift. Cette patiente elle avait tellement mal, alors elle voulait absolument son anti-douleur, okay mais vous ne comprenez pas que vous avez reçu quelque chose il y a à peine une heure et demi?!?!?!? Et que moi, je ne peux pas décider de vous le donner ou pas. De toute manière, vous n'avez pas le droit. Est-ce que c'est si difficile à comprendre? Oui oui, ca fait mal je sais. Mais désolé, pas de patience...j'avais beau essayé de sourire, mais he...he...he.

J'avais laissé mon cellulaire à la maison. Je rentre, je découvre un sms de Fido qui me dit que j'ai utilisé 39 min/50 min. De quoi?! Pourtant j'ai 100 min de jours et euh, pendant trois mois, je suis supposée avec illimité. Bon, j'appelle Fido et finalement, le monsieur dont j'ai parlé à l'autre fois pour faire le changement de forfait a supposément menti ou comprend mal le fonctionnement de son travail. Les primes ne sont valides que pour une nouvelle activation de numéro et non plus une nouvelle entente. Lui, il m'a dit que c'est la même chose. Le pire, c'est que j'hésitais entre prendre le 50 min entrant illimité ou le forfait étudiant. Bon, j'ai pris le 50 min vu que cela incluait les sms. Le monsieur d'aujourd'hui a vérifié et aucun des primes étaient activées, ni celle que j'ai le droit à. Mais MERDE! comment est-ce qu'il fait son travail lui? Maintenant, ce n'est pas si pire, à peu près 5$ de sms qui me seront facturé. Le problème, c'est qu'il reste 20 jours avant la fin du cycle. D'accord, le monsieur d'aujourd'hui a coché les 3 mois dont j'ai le droit. Cependant, je dois attendre que la facture sort pour pouvoir me faire créditer les minutes et sms en trop et ce, s'ils trouvent que l'autre monsieur a bien dit que j'avais droit à ces primes. Encore pire, à cause de lui, je suis prise avec une entente de 3 ans tandis que j'aurai pu soit garder mon forfait ou prendre celui étudiant!!!!!!!! GO TO HELL WHAT KIND OF MISTAKE DID HE MAKE?!?!? Si je peux appeler cela une erreur. Worse again, he spelled my name wrong and I had to change it again. Geez, where was his mind when he was working!?

Five Things I'd Like To Do

1. Stop thinking. Do not work.
2. Go to Australia. Just to travel there would be good, but going to study there would be even better.
3. Get more time and will to spend with friends and family. I'm doomed for this summer, but hey, I do hang out with them right after work.
4. Learn to love my patients more - Not applicable. Rada m'a dit aujourd'hui que ça paraissait que je n'ai jamais travaillé comme préposée pendant deux ans. Je lui ai demandé pourquoi, elle m'a dit parce que "You're too nice to them...t'es trop douce." Ben, c'est assez drôle avec cette patiente. Elle est un peu désorientée. Depuis hier, elle cherche à se mettre des culottes d'hôpital qui sont faites d'élastiques et de filets. Donc, j'ai pris un deux minutes pour lui mettre cela avec un pad abdominal au niveau des fesses, anus, n'importe. Bref, c'est comme si elle avait une serviette mais un peu plus haut que d'habitude. Ben oui, un pad abdo, là. Après, j'ai eu comme cadeau une poignée de bonbons caramels et une boîte de menthe. Quoi faire? Je lui ai dit merci à plusieurs reprises et je lui ai demandé de garder ces bonbons pour elle. Elle insistait tellement que j'ai dû les prendre. Sauf que, je n'aime pas cela accepter de la nourriture des patients. Donc, je les ai laissé au poste et lentement, ils ont disparu. Eh, d'autres infirmières en ont pris sans savoir d'où ils venaient. J'ai pu les tremper dans le bol de toilette... Mouais, certaines sont détestables. En fait, c'est le fait qu'elles se détestent entre elles que je n'aime pas. Aujourd'hui, la même chose, je lui ai remis un autre pad abdo a/n des fesses et j'ai encore reçu d'autres bonbons sans les manger moi-même. Hehe, et pourquoi est-ce que Rada dit que je suis trop nice? Juste pas que je suis rentrée dans la chambre de la patiente pour lui parler un peu et de la rassurer que ses petits-fils imaginaires ne sont pas présents. Un peu plus tard, je passais dans le corridor et la patiente demandait à voir la garde. Je n'ai jamais compris pourquoi les personnes appellent les infirmières des garde-malades...mais euh, à force d'entendre cela, j'y prend habitude et sais qu'elle me cherche. Donc, je me suis arrêtée pour aller la voir. Rada et son infirmier riaient de moi!!!!! Ah, et fallait que je sautille sur place. Je lui ai demandé pourquoi, elle m'a dit c'est parce que je me fais attraper par la patiente à tout le temps. Ben quoi, personne ne va aller la voir, il faut bien que j'ailel la voir. Et euh, à 16h01, elle est sortie de sa chambre et est rentrée dans la chambre voisine (qui est en technique d'isolement, question d'infection) pensant que c'est sa chambre.
5. Appreciate what I'll have.

After editing my entry (07/07/12), I'll have to list my top 5 again.

1. Get nice sleeps for the next upcoming days.
2. Go to Australia
3. To be sure that I'm not in denial.
4. Lay on the grass and tan, not burn. Oh, and evenly if possible. If I'm not wrong, my right arm is darker than my left arm...why? Because the sun (at the hospital) seems to always come from the right and there's no way for me to position myself differently, since my butt usually rests on a small hill. Anyways. Me comprend.
5. Move...move!!!!!

Worn Out

Before getting into depressing words, I shall share some funny stuff at the hospital.

A nurse shared a might-be-real story to us. Up to you to believe it or not, but the guy who did that must be really stupid.

The patient came to the ER with a light bulb in his ass, yeah, into his rectum and with the contractions made by the intestines, the light bulb got sucked up. What the hell.

The doctor was extremely mad because he had other emergency cases that need operation and everything got delayed because of this one.

Ah, just a few days ago, I spend nearly 30 minutes dressing wounds for a patient who got her femur broken. Damn. It takes a lot of time and the doctor had to come not long after I dressed them up to undo them all without bothering to stick them back correctly. Can't he think about us a bit? Geez. And no, he's not the only doctor who does that. There aren't many who are considerate...
Nevertheless, the patient was sitting on a chair so I bent my knees and sat down beside her, trying my best to stick them back.

Then, "bang".

When I stood up after I was done, I hit my head against the light. Ouch. The physiotherapist was there too. Great. Yeah, it's a long light against a wall that you move from left to right freely.

Just like the other time that I drenched myself as I was trying to take a patient's blood pressure. Uh-huh, I had to go all the way from the patient's room to where the ice/water machine is (instead of taking the water from the TOILET, not exactly the toilet, but you get the point) and come back, put it on the patient's table, brushed it with my elbow so it fell, (I was pushing the table away from me to have more free space) and yoohoo... some water to clean up.

Haha, after writing so much, I got distracted from my main subject. Yeah, I'm worn out. Not really physically because all I need to do is sleep and I'd be fine. Within four days, I woke up twice with wet neck and back. I don't know if it's because the weather is humid or because I had nightmares... but God, makes it stop.

I'm trying very hard; I just need a bit more of...everything.
Sooner or later, things would expire, even great things expire and when they pass the expiration date, they'd turn ugly.
Why not use this moment to leave some things behind.

Go back to how it was.

Never, can I?

It's all right.

As long as, I get through this.

Still, it is tiring.

Things She Wishes You Knew

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.

2. Real men drive stick shift.

3. I will leave if you lie.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you (or fearless_fx).

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

11. I expect you to call me.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.

13. I'm scared of losing my independence.

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want. - hahahahaha

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.

23. You should never tell me what to do. - It applies to girls too.

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast. - Again...

25. My breasts love much licking and sucking. - Wow...who actually wrote this? Anything to blush instantly.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. - Urgh?

30. I want to be Madonna.

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers. - hahahaha!!!

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....

38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

41. I love it when you're sweaty.

42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.

44. I like porn.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
- Never thought it that way, but kind of true...hum...If yes, the number of cheaters would definitively increase.

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.

49. I remember everything about our relationship. - Girls do, if they really love.

50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.