Matchmakings

Is it written on my forehead that I need to be matched with someone?

Maybe about four weeks ago, a girl friend (A) of mine wanted me to meet one of her guy friend who's obviously single and looking for a stable relationship...but she said, 'nothing serious, just to get to know another friend'. Well fine... but... he just didn't show up *twice* and therefore, I didn't bother. We just chatted twice since then? Anyways, I'm not interested...

Few weeks later, another friend (B) of mine, as a joke, hinted that something might be going on with her guy friend and me... This leads me to tell her a secret... something I should have kept for myself... well...that friend of her has feelings for someone for quite some time already and so yeah. Plus, it might be stupid but...younger is a no-no. On the top of this, at the same moment, another girl friend (C) added another guy in.

Right, I was laughing very bad but a week later, like...right now, I don't think it's as funny... as it was... because I went through another week for match-making.

There's this girl (D) who's working with me and will be with me for the whole summer since we have the same schedule. She has a guy friend that she wants to match with me... Therefore, after work, 3/4 days, I didn't head home immediately because we went to eat and drink. They mostly drank and I ate.

I really don't mind people introducing me their friends, but this girl is forcing things too much for my taste. Things have to be natural. But because she wants it too much (and he wants it), they are kind of...forcing things...

miễn cưỡng doesn't bring happiness...

I already told her during our dinner time that it's not a good thing to force, but she says there are something if you want it to happen, you have to push. But hell, no. Even a guy who's working with us for the past two weeks understands my point of view. We were sitting at Café Campus on St-Laurent and I told him so... he said, 'yeah...introduce some friends, but let it be, it has to come natural [...] well try to explain to her'. With him, we...us...getting to know each other is much more comfortable this way. From time to time, he'd ask if 'comment ça va'.

I really have a hard time with people who try to get to know you with an idea already made in their mind. I don't believe in love at first sight, but the first impression is still count.... and first impression isn't all about looks. I think it's important to have a strong enough friendship before going further... everything has to be natural.

It's already past 3am... and I wish I can talk to someone but everyone's asleep... and although I have to work tomorrow, I'm not physically tired enough to sleep.
I'm not saying he doesn't have potential or whatever... but things are turning weird.

Wednesday, we went to a restaurant to eat... because during work, I didn't have time to sit down even a bit...I was exhausted... my eyes were so dried and tired that they turned red...when I was taking BP on a patient, tears were rolling down...Therefore, at the restaurant, I rested my head on the table... and didn't speak much as I was eating.

The guy drove me home and I said good night twice but maybe he didn't hear me the first time so when he said good night and I replied (once again), I got off of the car and went inside my house.

He told his girl friend, my coworker that I rushed out--more like running out, of his car as if I was scared or something...but no! Ah geez. He also asked her if he was boring, for I wasn't talkative and slept right in his face!

I was just acting as myself. The weirdest thing is... I only rested my head for two seconds before being hit by the female and male coworker, one after another. Yes, I attemped to rest twice...but failed.

Can he be less sensible?!

The girl coworker asked me on wednesday if I was stressed upon knowing that we'll meet again...

Um..sorry but no? Why would I be? I have wounds to dress!!!!! No time to think about that.

Thursday...

I had this male patient who's about 50-60 years old... he didn't have a surgery yet so he comes and goes as he was pleased. As he was heading back to his room, I told him that in about two minutes, I'll take is 'signes vitaux'. I needed two minutes to go get some water... A male nurse then came into the kitchen and he told me, 'Il a dit que tu es de son goût."
-"Qui ça? Mon patient?"
-"Ben ouais, le monsieur avec les lunettes que tu viens de parler à"

I really was laughing my head off and went to see the coworkers telling them about this...even the teacher knows.

Ah right, this girl coworker, she told the teacher that she's trying to match me with her friend...aiee... so everyone knows about it.

Going back to that male nurse, he was somewhere close to me when I talked to my patient and when I left, the patient told him 'Elle est jolie.' (or something like that) Oh my god, from the on, everytime I walked pass the male nurse, he would say " oui eh, quelqu'un pogne, quelqu'un pogne "

I obviously laughed...but now that I'm writing this, it's not even funny anymore.

There goes this female patient who's bed is beside that patient I had on Thursday. I had her on Wednesday so we know each other too. She's also very talkative. She then told me,

" Tu sais quoi, je vais t'introduire à quelqu'un. "
"Qui ça?"
"Mon fils!"
"Ah ouais.......?"
"Il a 31 ans, ce n'est pas trop vieux pour toi j'espère?"
"Euhh.... non, ca va?"
"Il est comme un coeur. Il a une job stable, il est bien bâti [...] Tu travailles demain hum?"
"Oui, mais on fini à 20h30 au lieu de minuit"
"Okay, ben je lui dirai de venir."

Ah, This woman asked me how come I'm always laughing and in a good mood like this... I told her I'm not always in a good mood but I guess...sometimes I hide it with laughter. No, I really was in a good mood when I was working...just that I became gloomy when I got home... and to think through...

What is happening here?!?!?!?!? All this is flattering but...

At the moment, I don't want anything anymore. It's too much.

It does bring happiness to have someone to share your daily life with...to have someone who cares for you but...

I don't like all these stories of match-making.

I'm...so tired to struggle like this...

In life, there are things we have to let go....

and being reluctant...

really... it really does hurt.

But, on the other hand, we can't force new things to come.

If you can only choose one, would you rather choose to love or to be loved?

It's a question I have asked myself over and over again...and have asked people around me on several occasions.

In the end, I think I'd still choose to love.

Because... I can't feel the happiness, although I know it's there, when I'm loved without really loving that person... it seems to hurt less...yet maybe because it hurts less...the happiness is so tiny that... I wouldn't bother to have it at all.

While...although loving someone hurts much more... I...

It might be why I feel good when I take care of patients, helping them eat and clean their teeth... such simple acts bring happiness...to know that you can help someone's out. They don't judge you , they don't care who you were, all they know is that you're here to help them out... and they feel very grateful. They can't really give you anything in return but... that's enough.

Well...

because in the end,

time will come where you'd have to let go.

There's nothing as a person who's not able to live without someone else.








It's blocking somewhere...it's just so weird. this started off...track. All right I know... only one week. It's 'nothing'.

I feel like digging a hole and get myself in there...and just stay there for a while.

So many things happened recently...

as a whole, it's confusing...







am I still...me?

Oh well...

The girl coworker asked me to stop thinking about food and to eat... she calls me "toilette ambulante" (well me and the guy coworker always end up peeing...as we drink a lot of water) and she would often laugh at me... and says... 'you look so lost'.