30.12.08
29.12.08
Merry-Go-Around
Ah là. C'était "a hateful hateful stupid hateful day" jusqu'à ce que je rentre chez moi et découvre quelque chose qui m'a tellement fait éclater de rire que j'ai réveillé mes pauvres parents, mais j'en passe.
(Qu'est-ce que les chats font à courir sur la glace à 1h du matin dans le froid...un après l'autre en plus jusqu'à ce qu'un d'eux se met à courir dans le sens inverse quand il a compris que s'il mettait une patte de plus, il allait se faire réduire en boule de poils.)
Dès que j'ai mis les pieds dans l'hôpital, j'ai découvert la disparition de mon cellulaire. Encore. (Pourtant, je l'avais dans les mains pas longtemps avant de quitter l'auto.) Ce n'était pas parce que je voulais le mettre sous silence...il est sur silence depuis plus de 4 mois en fait. Je ne vois juste l'idée de jouer avec le son quand je passe presque la plupart de mon temps dans le besoin de rendre mon cellulaire muet. Le gros problème est que j'ai bien de la misère à l'entendre jouer de la musique pour le retrouver quand j'ignore où j'ai bien pu l'égarer.
On commence à relever nos soins du soir de nos patients, quand on se fait chicaner par l'assitante-chef du matin, comme quoi on a mis le bordel sur le département. Il n'y avait pas d'assitante-chef hier et j'ai fait toute la paperasse que j'avais jamais fait auparavant: monter un dossier, inscrire les soins, relever les prescriptions au moins six fois pour être certaine que je n'ai pas fait d'erreur, etc. En quelque part, je sais que le message n'est pas directement pour moi, mais quand même, quand tu es déjà de mauvaise humeur...
Tout cela parce qu'une infirmière de nuit à chiâler gros-gros que les documents des patients et eux-mêmes étaient tous mêlés. Quant à moi, je crois que le problème était que quand elle posait des questions aux autres, elles ne savaient pas quoi répondre. (Seriously, what can we do? On était 2 infirmières aux études, donc qui travaillent à peine, deux infirmières sans permis (duh! c'est normal d'être encore perdue...des fois) et un infirmier régulier qui slack tellement qu'il a toujours tout fini avant 23h30 et s'écrase devant l'ordi.) Bon, donc quand j'ai vu l'inf de nuit aujourd'hui qui m'a suivi hier et raconté tout cela, elle semblait avoir un blanc de mémoire et me dit qu'il n'y avait pas de problème avec mon service, que je n'ai rien laissé derrière. Ah bien oui, et quand je pèse sur le bouton 'descendre' de l'ascenseur, elle me dit, "ne le prend pas personnel, mais vous laissez trainer les machines et des déchets, et c'est très agaçant, alors ramassez, sinon moi je jette tout." Ah sérieusement là, comme si j'allais ramasser derrière mes collègues et voire que mon non-existance changera quelque chose.
...Et quelques jours plus tard...
Hehehe, je ne suis plus en overtime!! =) Maman a de la misère à fixer un deuxième souper de famille parce qu'il y a toujours quelqu'un qui travaille. Écoutez-bien, j'ai beau ne pas m'être amusée durant les vacances, mais que voulez-vous? Il faut bien accepter la réalité un moment donné. Et, ce n'est pas comme si j'avais de quoi plus intéressant à faire pour tuer mon temps. En plus, le travail n'est pas très pénible ces temps-ci *knock on wood*. Ce qui est drôle, c'est qu'il y a quelques semaines, j'avais lu dans un livre d'horocoscopes que la famille va prendre plus de place et que je vais passer du bons temps avec eux. C'était bien le temps que j'étais chez mes cousines. Ce n'est pas ma chambre, ce n'est pas aussi comfortable...mais au moins, ce n'était pas ma maison. Et le meilleur, c'est qu'une des deux soeurs étaient toujours là, alors je n'étais jamais seule. Évidemment, malgré cela, ma mère a demeuré si proche à travers un téléphone.
Oh, il s'est mis à floconner dehors. Tout blanc tout beau, mais tout froid. Surtout quand mon père est carrément hors de lui-même dû à l'alcool (uh-huh) et qu'il a envoyé quelqu'un pour venir me chercher, mais qu'après 30 min à rester sous la neige dehors et 1 bus de manqué, il est finalement venu et vu que j'avais trop froid, j'ai juste embarqué dans le dernier bus. J'espère que maman ne fera pas une grosse affaire quand papa sera à la maison.. Ma mère aime pas ça quand il dit qu'il viendra me chercher après le travail et qu'il me laisse dehors. Ouais, quand j'avais 16 ans...j'avais un peu peur. Maintenant, certains trucs te passent juste trop par dessus la tête, j'avais froid et c'est à peu près ça. (Ce n'était pas la fin du monde, pendant que j'attendais, j'ai remarqué deux chats dans la vitrine d'un magasin... j'ai mis ma main mitainée contre la vitre et le chat a mis sa patte à bout aussi blanche contre la vitre et on a joué jusqu'à ce qu'il quitte avec son ami.)
Ça l'écoeure que je ne fais pas plus attention. Ça l'écoeure que je lui réponds 'j'en ai aucune idée' quand elle me demande comment je ferais pour rentrer à la maison si jamais mon père ne vient pas te chercher à l'hôpital et que je n'ai pas lift. (Oh et elle pense que le taxi est dangereux, alors oublions ça.) M'en fou moi. Je verrai bien quand ça l'arrivera. (Et j'ai beau avoir dit un moment donné qu'au pire, je dormirai à l'hôpital, mais non c'est hors de question.)
Two last points before closing up, it's speechlessly-funny when even a doctor comes up to me to complain about another nurse. 'I'm a stranger, you know?' And then...I'm thinking maybe, I've so gotten used to be stepped on that, I can't help it but be careless and do nothing about it. There's a type of light pain that your nerves get used to and after a while, it doesn't hurt anymore. However, there're still some things we'll never get used to, right? If not, Life would be too boring, isn't it?
This is probably the last entry for 2008...so see you next year.
(Qu'est-ce que les chats font à courir sur la glace à 1h du matin dans le froid...un après l'autre en plus jusqu'à ce qu'un d'eux se met à courir dans le sens inverse quand il a compris que s'il mettait une patte de plus, il allait se faire réduire en boule de poils.)
Dès que j'ai mis les pieds dans l'hôpital, j'ai découvert la disparition de mon cellulaire. Encore. (Pourtant, je l'avais dans les mains pas longtemps avant de quitter l'auto.) Ce n'était pas parce que je voulais le mettre sous silence...il est sur silence depuis plus de 4 mois en fait. Je ne vois juste l'idée de jouer avec le son quand je passe presque la plupart de mon temps dans le besoin de rendre mon cellulaire muet. Le gros problème est que j'ai bien de la misère à l'entendre jouer de la musique pour le retrouver quand j'ignore où j'ai bien pu l'égarer.
On commence à relever nos soins du soir de nos patients, quand on se fait chicaner par l'assitante-chef du matin, comme quoi on a mis le bordel sur le département. Il n'y avait pas d'assitante-chef hier et j'ai fait toute la paperasse que j'avais jamais fait auparavant: monter un dossier, inscrire les soins, relever les prescriptions au moins six fois pour être certaine que je n'ai pas fait d'erreur, etc. En quelque part, je sais que le message n'est pas directement pour moi, mais quand même, quand tu es déjà de mauvaise humeur...
Tout cela parce qu'une infirmière de nuit à chiâler gros-gros que les documents des patients et eux-mêmes étaient tous mêlés. Quant à moi, je crois que le problème était que quand elle posait des questions aux autres, elles ne savaient pas quoi répondre. (Seriously, what can we do? On était 2 infirmières aux études, donc qui travaillent à peine, deux infirmières sans permis (duh! c'est normal d'être encore perdue...des fois) et un infirmier régulier qui slack tellement qu'il a toujours tout fini avant 23h30 et s'écrase devant l'ordi.) Bon, donc quand j'ai vu l'inf de nuit aujourd'hui qui m'a suivi hier et raconté tout cela, elle semblait avoir un blanc de mémoire et me dit qu'il n'y avait pas de problème avec mon service, que je n'ai rien laissé derrière. Ah bien oui, et quand je pèse sur le bouton 'descendre' de l'ascenseur, elle me dit, "ne le prend pas personnel, mais vous laissez trainer les machines et des déchets, et c'est très agaçant, alors ramassez, sinon moi je jette tout." Ah sérieusement là, comme si j'allais ramasser derrière mes collègues et voire que mon non-existance changera quelque chose.
...Et quelques jours plus tard...
Hehehe, je ne suis plus en overtime!! =) Maman a de la misère à fixer un deuxième souper de famille parce qu'il y a toujours quelqu'un qui travaille. Écoutez-bien, j'ai beau ne pas m'être amusée durant les vacances, mais que voulez-vous? Il faut bien accepter la réalité un moment donné. Et, ce n'est pas comme si j'avais de quoi plus intéressant à faire pour tuer mon temps. En plus, le travail n'est pas très pénible ces temps-ci *knock on wood*. Ce qui est drôle, c'est qu'il y a quelques semaines, j'avais lu dans un livre d'horocoscopes que la famille va prendre plus de place et que je vais passer du bons temps avec eux. C'était bien le temps que j'étais chez mes cousines. Ce n'est pas ma chambre, ce n'est pas aussi comfortable...mais au moins, ce n'était pas ma maison. Et le meilleur, c'est qu'une des deux soeurs étaient toujours là, alors je n'étais jamais seule. Évidemment, malgré cela, ma mère a demeuré si proche à travers un téléphone.
Oh, il s'est mis à floconner dehors. Tout blanc tout beau, mais tout froid. Surtout quand mon père est carrément hors de lui-même dû à l'alcool (uh-huh) et qu'il a envoyé quelqu'un pour venir me chercher, mais qu'après 30 min à rester sous la neige dehors et 1 bus de manqué, il est finalement venu et vu que j'avais trop froid, j'ai juste embarqué dans le dernier bus. J'espère que maman ne fera pas une grosse affaire quand papa sera à la maison.. Ma mère aime pas ça quand il dit qu'il viendra me chercher après le travail et qu'il me laisse dehors. Ouais, quand j'avais 16 ans...j'avais un peu peur. Maintenant, certains trucs te passent juste trop par dessus la tête, j'avais froid et c'est à peu près ça. (Ce n'était pas la fin du monde, pendant que j'attendais, j'ai remarqué deux chats dans la vitrine d'un magasin... j'ai mis ma main mitainée contre la vitre et le chat a mis sa patte à bout aussi blanche contre la vitre et on a joué jusqu'à ce qu'il quitte avec son ami.)
Ça l'écoeure que je ne fais pas plus attention. Ça l'écoeure que je lui réponds 'j'en ai aucune idée' quand elle me demande comment je ferais pour rentrer à la maison si jamais mon père ne vient pas te chercher à l'hôpital et que je n'ai pas lift. (Oh et elle pense que le taxi est dangereux, alors oublions ça.) M'en fou moi. Je verrai bien quand ça l'arrivera. (Et j'ai beau avoir dit un moment donné qu'au pire, je dormirai à l'hôpital, mais non c'est hors de question.)
Two last points before closing up, it's speechlessly-funny when even a doctor comes up to me to complain about another nurse. 'I'm a stranger, you know?' And then...I'm thinking maybe, I've so gotten used to be stepped on that, I can't help it but be careless and do nothing about it. There's a type of light pain that your nerves get used to and after a while, it doesn't hurt anymore. However, there're still some things we'll never get used to, right? If not, Life would be too boring, isn't it?
This is probably the last entry for 2008...so see you next year.
24.12.08
Fun Facts About Nurses
New Nurses vs. Old Nurses
Hey, I'm only 20 y.o even if a certain patient thought I'm 27 y.o. Can't still believe it! 7 years, that's way too much. Ok so, I'm supposed to be a young new nurse, but reading this, I actually fall into the Old Nurses category!!
1) New nurses throw up when their patient does. Old nurses call housekeeping to clean it up.
2) New nurses wear so many pins on their name badge you can't read it. Old nurses don't wear a name badge for liability reasons.
3) New nurses chart too much. Old nurses don't chart enough.
4) New nurses love to run codes. Old nurses make the new nurses go to codes.
5) New nurses want everyone to know they are a nurse. Old nurses don't want anyone to know they are a nurse.
6) New nurses keep detailed notes on a pad. Old nurses write on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, and their pants leg.
7) New nurses spend all day trying to reorient a patient. Old nurses chart that the patient is disoriented and restrain them.
8) New nurses can hear a beeping IV med @ 50 yards away. Old nurses never hear any beeps at all.
9) New nurses spend 2 hours giving a patient a bath. Old nurses spend 2 hours looking for the aid to give the patient a bath.
10) New nurses think that people respect nurses. Old nurses think that everyone blames nurses.
11) New nurses look for blood on a bandage so they can change it. Old nurses know that a little blood never hurt anybody.
12) New nurses look for opportunities to "work with the family". Old nurses avoid the family @ all costs.
13) New nurses spend days bladder training an incontinent patient. Old nurses insert foleys.
14) New nurses always answer their home phone. Old nurses always check their caller ID first.
15) New nurses think psych patients are interesting. Old nurses think psych patients are crazy.
16) New nurses think carry reference books in their bag. Old nurses carry magazines, lunch and some "cough syrup" in their bag.
17) New nurses won't think this is funny. Old nurses will.
Hey, I'm only 20 y.o even if a certain patient thought I'm 27 y.o. Can't still believe it! 7 years, that's way too much. Ok so, I'm supposed to be a young new nurse, but reading this, I actually fall into the Old Nurses category!!
1) New nurses throw up when their patient does. Old nurses call housekeeping to clean it up.
2) New nurses wear so many pins on their name badge you can't read it. Old nurses don't wear a name badge for liability reasons.
3) New nurses chart too much. Old nurses don't chart enough.
4) New nurses love to run codes. Old nurses make the new nurses go to codes.
5) New nurses want everyone to know they are a nurse. Old nurses don't want anyone to know they are a nurse.
6) New nurses keep detailed notes on a pad. Old nurses write on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, and their pants leg.
7) New nurses spend all day trying to reorient a patient. Old nurses chart that the patient is disoriented and restrain them.
8) New nurses can hear a beeping IV med @ 50 yards away. Old nurses never hear any beeps at all.
9) New nurses spend 2 hours giving a patient a bath. Old nurses spend 2 hours looking for the aid to give the patient a bath.
10) New nurses think that people respect nurses. Old nurses think that everyone blames nurses.
11) New nurses look for blood on a bandage so they can change it. Old nurses know that a little blood never hurt anybody.
12) New nurses look for opportunities to "work with the family". Old nurses avoid the family @ all costs.
13) New nurses spend days bladder training an incontinent patient. Old nurses insert foleys.
14) New nurses always answer their home phone. Old nurses always check their caller ID first.
15) New nurses think psych patients are interesting. Old nurses think psych patients are crazy.
16) New nurses think carry reference books in their bag. Old nurses carry magazines, lunch and some "cough syrup" in their bag.
17) New nurses won't think this is funny. Old nurses will.
20.12.08
Christmas Wish
Christmas carols can be annoying. Stores play them way too early to put people into Christmas spirit. I hate them most at Starbucks, after spending so much time there, you can't help but hate Christmas carols. But, I've been obsessing over 'Christmas Wish' sang by 98 degrees. Probably the one and only Christmas song I love. No offense to Christmas lovers.
Finals were officially over yesterday at 17h00. It's funny because I had 7 days (minus 2 working days) to study, but I didn't do as much as a good student should be even if all this time, I was home. Try to figure why; I don't feel like going broad on this. I used my instinct, which is quite a good tool I own and really, it's quite accurate in guessing the turn-out of events, to choose answers. Ah, sometimes, there's no point in thinking too much when you gave up learning by heart.
In the end, I'm not that alone....because there will be a family dinner, not a huge one, not a really happy one, but a family dinner to remember my uncle's death. I'll probably use this time to send myself over my cousin's house and hibernate. I need vacation. Sometimes, I just enjoy doing absolutely nothing along side someone. That's a way I can rest without being lonely.
My cousin told me that if I don't go the temple with her on Sunday morning, then she won't go either. When I asked her why, she replied, "Je vais pleurer sur qui?" Let's rewind to a year ago. When I stepped into the ICU room, there laid my uncle and his family memebers crying at his bedside. My family members whom I haven't seen over 5 years (it was another Mom and family's fights that temporary cut off the ties). The first and only thing that I could have done was to take my cousin in my arms. Maybe it's this memory...From then on, whenever she has a problem, she doesn't look out for her sister, but comes up to me. She told me that she doesn't share any secrets to her sister, even if her sister confides in her. She is like a little sister to me...because I'm her secrets keeper....because even her mom and her sister do not know, so in the end, she only has me. It felt warmth...but it also feels heavy.
On the other hand, I'm glad both my Kimmy's have finally found a way out of their problems. One will surely find a way to take catch-up classes and the other one got back to work at my hospital. I'm glad to know that I'm one of the first person to seek to when they need help. Kim likes me to be there when she goes to the doctor or when she has to go to schools to meet with the board...so she always ask me out to accompany her.
Miji is an important friend. I believe she felt guilty because I got a little bit sick from alchohol last time, so yesterday, she didn't ask me out. I understand how she loves and feel about alcohol, but she plays it dangerous and she knows it. I'm not there to stop her or whatsoever. She clearly knows what she's doing even if it's sort of a rebound or whatsoever...because it's just the same for me. I have a urge to ingurgitate alcohol when I'm angry. I feel like partying when I'm in a fool mood not that I always do. However, the friend that's supposed to join her didn't. Instead, I got a call from her to check up later on if everything's all right. She feels guilty to leave Miji with her own friends (that apparently do not know well enough to take care of her). Miji will call me if there's something. She always did.
In order to teach a child to stand up on his own, you have to let him trip over. Just like a kid, she knows that's a bad idea, but unlike a child, she's mature enough to make her own choices and assume the consequences. I'm not a mother. I don't want my friend to be a mother for Miji's either. I may be too passive. She says it's mean. She says this way of 'teaching' is mean (what did I do again?). But hey...I can't force and won't force something into someone's mind when she's perfectly able to make a decision on her own. That friend asked me to take care of her, but what do you want me to do when before leaving, Miji said, "I'll be wild tonight, I want to have fun." I still carry on with that philosophy of mine which is as long as there's no regret...do what you like if that's really what you want. At least, she got her ways release stress....because I don't...euh, or can't? I know this semester has been terrible. It has been horrible for the three of us.
We haven't had any vacation. Four days after the end of the CEGEP nursing exam, we had to fly to VietNam. In Hanoi, it was a chore everyday...we might haven't been of a good help, but it was difficult to adapt. They cried...one after another. I might not have cried as much as they did, but within a six weeks, the amount was probably equal to the number of times tears fall off my eyes here. You wouldn't understand all the admin stuff I had...(we had) to take care of over there. Then, only one day and a half after landing in Montreal, Linda and I had to go back to work and University kicks in not long after.
So...My Christmas wish? I don't want much. I just wish to be able to spend genuine time with those loved ones for Christmas and New Year. I don't need fancy trips. I don't need 10 people gattering up together and have a feast. Gifts are stuff that I can affort if I really wanted them...
(you know it, after buying your own PC, TV, laptop, etc... o.O) but there's really something that no matter what, I can't give and get as I'd want to... and that's happy time.
I'm so so exhausted to be running around like this. I want to enjoy helping out my friends. But sometimes...sometimes I'd get so exhausted that I can't care more. I know that they want to do the same...so when I'm like this, they don't like it. They want me to talk, they care too. Sometimes, I don't want to talk.
Finally, I got the last day of the 2008 off. =) Got to trade with someone...and hopefully, my Christmas Wish will come true...no lonely Dec 31th 08.
Ok, I better shut up and bed. Um....good night to me. The home phone is unplugged.
p.s. Hopefully again, I'd get some time to revamp this blog with real photoshop work. It's plain.
Finals were officially over yesterday at 17h00. It's funny because I had 7 days (minus 2 working days) to study, but I didn't do as much as a good student should be even if all this time, I was home. Try to figure why; I don't feel like going broad on this. I used my instinct, which is quite a good tool I own and really, it's quite accurate in guessing the turn-out of events, to choose answers. Ah, sometimes, there's no point in thinking too much when you gave up learning by heart.
In the end, I'm not that alone....because there will be a family dinner, not a huge one, not a really happy one, but a family dinner to remember my uncle's death. I'll probably use this time to send myself over my cousin's house and hibernate. I need vacation. Sometimes, I just enjoy doing absolutely nothing along side someone. That's a way I can rest without being lonely.
My cousin told me that if I don't go the temple with her on Sunday morning, then she won't go either. When I asked her why, she replied, "Je vais pleurer sur qui?" Let's rewind to a year ago. When I stepped into the ICU room, there laid my uncle and his family memebers crying at his bedside. My family members whom I haven't seen over 5 years (it was another Mom and family's fights that temporary cut off the ties). The first and only thing that I could have done was to take my cousin in my arms. Maybe it's this memory...From then on, whenever she has a problem, she doesn't look out for her sister, but comes up to me. She told me that she doesn't share any secrets to her sister, even if her sister confides in her. She is like a little sister to me...because I'm her secrets keeper....because even her mom and her sister do not know, so in the end, she only has me. It felt warmth...but it also feels heavy.
On the other hand, I'm glad both my Kimmy's have finally found a way out of their problems. One will surely find a way to take catch-up classes and the other one got back to work at my hospital. I'm glad to know that I'm one of the first person to seek to when they need help. Kim likes me to be there when she goes to the doctor or when she has to go to schools to meet with the board...so she always ask me out to accompany her.
Miji is an important friend. I believe she felt guilty because I got a little bit sick from alchohol last time, so yesterday, she didn't ask me out. I understand how she loves and feel about alcohol, but she plays it dangerous and she knows it. I'm not there to stop her or whatsoever. She clearly knows what she's doing even if it's sort of a rebound or whatsoever...because it's just the same for me. I have a urge to ingurgitate alcohol when I'm angry. I feel like partying when I'm in a fool mood not that I always do. However, the friend that's supposed to join her didn't. Instead, I got a call from her to check up later on if everything's all right. She feels guilty to leave Miji with her own friends (that apparently do not know well enough to take care of her). Miji will call me if there's something. She always did.
In order to teach a child to stand up on his own, you have to let him trip over. Just like a kid, she knows that's a bad idea, but unlike a child, she's mature enough to make her own choices and assume the consequences. I'm not a mother. I don't want my friend to be a mother for Miji's either. I may be too passive. She says it's mean. She says this way of 'teaching' is mean (what did I do again?). But hey...I can't force and won't force something into someone's mind when she's perfectly able to make a decision on her own. That friend asked me to take care of her, but what do you want me to do when before leaving, Miji said, "I'll be wild tonight, I want to have fun." I still carry on with that philosophy of mine which is as long as there's no regret...do what you like if that's really what you want. At least, she got her ways release stress....because I don't...euh, or can't? I know this semester has been terrible. It has been horrible for the three of us.
We haven't had any vacation. Four days after the end of the CEGEP nursing exam, we had to fly to VietNam. In Hanoi, it was a chore everyday...we might haven't been of a good help, but it was difficult to adapt. They cried...one after another. I might not have cried as much as they did, but within a six weeks, the amount was probably equal to the number of times tears fall off my eyes here. You wouldn't understand all the admin stuff I had...(we had) to take care of over there. Then, only one day and a half after landing in Montreal, Linda and I had to go back to work and University kicks in not long after.
So...My Christmas wish? I don't want much. I just wish to be able to spend genuine time with those loved ones for Christmas and New Year. I don't need fancy trips. I don't need 10 people gattering up together and have a feast. Gifts are stuff that I can affort if I really wanted them...
(you know it, after buying your own PC, TV, laptop, etc... o.O) but there's really something that no matter what, I can't give and get as I'd want to... and that's happy time.
I'm so so exhausted to be running around like this. I want to enjoy helping out my friends. But sometimes...sometimes I'd get so exhausted that I can't care more. I know that they want to do the same...so when I'm like this, they don't like it. They want me to talk, they care too. Sometimes, I don't want to talk.
Finally, I got the last day of the 2008 off. =) Got to trade with someone...and hopefully, my Christmas Wish will come true...no lonely Dec 31th 08.
Ok, I better shut up and bed. Um....good night to me. The home phone is unplugged.
p.s. Hopefully again, I'd get some time to revamp this blog with real photoshop work. It's plain.
16.12.08
Better in Time
I crashed. I snap when I'm seriously pissed. Well, all I did was yelling. It's really nobody fault. I shouldn't have. But I yelled. It's probably the finals and a hectic weekend at work that popped my balloon.
Okay, so before going on that, how about a little bit on the bright side? Nancy and I spent a day studying together. It was her first time going to McGill library, to any library at all. She had never studied outside her house and it was her suggestion. I thought, maybe it's the time really to let go of what happened. Actually, we were supposed to go two weeks ago but I cancelled. It wasn't 'personal' only busy elsewhere. As far as I remember, it wasn't quite productive. The shopping part for her yes. Oh, and of course, we went to look for books, I always do when I'm with her, but ended up buying nothing. The craziness for Edward Cullen is insane, it goes from grandmothers to young teenagers. I should consider finishing that book one day.
Few days later, I went to study at the BnQ with a friend and my oh-so-heavy laptop. Then, another friend showed up because he didn't want to stay with his girlfriend o.O. My mind was busy talking to him while I was wrapping up my stuff into the bag. All three of us went to have dinner then ended up in a coffeeshop. As I was unpacking, something's missing! Uh-Oh...I was sure I wrapped the laptop plug but where did I put it? Thanks to him, he walked back to BnQ (I didn't make him, he proposed) and found it on the study table. Seriously, what a relief! But I got a "you're hopeless" in return later that night (just because I lost some unimportant thing again *grin*)
Oh, I missed him. We talked less when I went away to VN and by the time I got back, he had to go to the Army. He's the kind of friend who'd let me ramble about anything and everything, he'd still be listening. The kind of friend who'd just sit beside you through diffcult times. The friend who sticks to you even if he doesn't agree with your choices. The one who knows I have an issue as soon as he noticed my missed call. But, at most, we only see each other twice a year. He nodded when my friend said that I treat him as if he was my girl friend. Hey, shouldn't that be a compliment? We just get too comfortable...too alike. That doesn't keep him from being a really nice courteous guy. He stayed there as long as I was studying, bored the hell out of him, but didn't complain. I wanted to buy him a cup of coffee to thank him, but he didn't let me pay.
All right, so back to what made me crash. I was having a little conversation with the night nurse who says I'm all funny and pitiful. She says that I must have went to circus school or something, 'cuz apparently, I make her laugh with that funny behaviour of mine. Believe me, I still don't understand why. She tried to explain but then, she gave up explaining.
Saturday evening, I was already overloaded with work with 8 patients. Sunday, the boss gave me another one as well as to the yet-to-be licensed nurse, while the other 2 regular nurses get to have eight. When I asked for their help, one answered "I'm very busy. A post op is coming up." and the other one said, "I can't help you after 23h00". Seriously? I found the first one staring at the ceiling when I walked by her (and she started charting by 22h00) and the latter on the computer by 23h30 with an apple in his mouth!
I told the nighty nurse that I don't understand how come they're always done with their job so early while I get to stay behind. She answered, "because you do you're job and because they choose their patients, they get the non-heavy cases". You know, sometimes, I'd think I'm overly slow...even feeling guilty filling out that overtime paper. But crappy you! One of my patient was in delirum, he needed haldo every 6h, pulled out the tube going from his nose into his stomach twice and the tube going into his bladder 3 times during the day plus anything I/V connected to him on the day shift. He ended up with a private care by the evening shift, but she did nothing! She let him pulled out the tube out of his penis! I can't be that slow am I? Because I installed the gastric tube and the bladder tube within 15 minutes....As far as I can reckon, the last time I did those stuff was probably over a year ago. Okay, so that nurse says I'll die soon because I'm too stressed. Hey, it was 2am, I had to get home so that I could sleep then wake up and study.
I forfeit. I admit, I'm stressed out. Overall, it's a crappy semester. With the nursing license, I got behind in the studies and couldn't catch up....then came all the personal problems. I just want this to end soon...courses all passed so that I can start over better next year.
A friend said, 'You don't just want to pass your courses.' I really just need to pass my courses, but it's upsetting to know that you got a C. It means that you didn't understand the content well enough. Plus, who'd want a nurse who got C's? Up until now, I haven't 'just and only' passed my courses, so knock on wood and pray.
Oh, and I've never done well working and studying at the same time. I always end up feeling stuffy. But, I can't leave the hospital. Who'd pay the tuition then?
Hum...it's almost 3am and I have to get up in 4 hours so I think I'd just go hug my plush and sleep. Good Night
Okay, so before going on that, how about a little bit on the bright side? Nancy and I spent a day studying together. It was her first time going to McGill library, to any library at all. She had never studied outside her house and it was her suggestion. I thought, maybe it's the time really to let go of what happened. Actually, we were supposed to go two weeks ago but I cancelled. It wasn't 'personal' only busy elsewhere. As far as I remember, it wasn't quite productive. The shopping part for her yes. Oh, and of course, we went to look for books, I always do when I'm with her, but ended up buying nothing. The craziness for Edward Cullen is insane, it goes from grandmothers to young teenagers. I should consider finishing that book one day.
Few days later, I went to study at the BnQ with a friend and my oh-so-heavy laptop. Then, another friend showed up because he didn't want to stay with his girlfriend o.O. My mind was busy talking to him while I was wrapping up my stuff into the bag. All three of us went to have dinner then ended up in a coffeeshop. As I was unpacking, something's missing! Uh-Oh...I was sure I wrapped the laptop plug but where did I put it? Thanks to him, he walked back to BnQ (I didn't make him, he proposed) and found it on the study table. Seriously, what a relief! But I got a "you're hopeless" in return later that night (just because I lost some unimportant thing again *grin*)
Oh, I missed him. We talked less when I went away to VN and by the time I got back, he had to go to the Army. He's the kind of friend who'd let me ramble about anything and everything, he'd still be listening. The kind of friend who'd just sit beside you through diffcult times. The friend who sticks to you even if he doesn't agree with your choices. The one who knows I have an issue as soon as he noticed my missed call. But, at most, we only see each other twice a year. He nodded when my friend said that I treat him as if he was my girl friend. Hey, shouldn't that be a compliment? We just get too comfortable...too alike. That doesn't keep him from being a really nice courteous guy. He stayed there as long as I was studying, bored the hell out of him, but didn't complain. I wanted to buy him a cup of coffee to thank him, but he didn't let me pay.
All right, so back to what made me crash. I was having a little conversation with the night nurse who says I'm all funny and pitiful. She says that I must have went to circus school or something, 'cuz apparently, I make her laugh with that funny behaviour of mine. Believe me, I still don't understand why. She tried to explain but then, she gave up explaining.
Saturday evening, I was already overloaded with work with 8 patients. Sunday, the boss gave me another one as well as to the yet-to-be licensed nurse, while the other 2 regular nurses get to have eight. When I asked for their help, one answered "I'm very busy. A post op is coming up." and the other one said, "I can't help you after 23h00". Seriously? I found the first one staring at the ceiling when I walked by her (and she started charting by 22h00) and the latter on the computer by 23h30 with an apple in his mouth!
I told the nighty nurse that I don't understand how come they're always done with their job so early while I get to stay behind. She answered, "because you do you're job and because they choose their patients, they get the non-heavy cases". You know, sometimes, I'd think I'm overly slow...even feeling guilty filling out that overtime paper. But crappy you! One of my patient was in delirum, he needed haldo every 6h, pulled out the tube going from his nose into his stomach twice and the tube going into his bladder 3 times during the day plus anything I/V connected to him on the day shift. He ended up with a private care by the evening shift, but she did nothing! She let him pulled out the tube out of his penis! I can't be that slow am I? Because I installed the gastric tube and the bladder tube within 15 minutes....As far as I can reckon, the last time I did those stuff was probably over a year ago. Okay, so that nurse says I'll die soon because I'm too stressed. Hey, it was 2am, I had to get home so that I could sleep then wake up and study.
I forfeit. I admit, I'm stressed out. Overall, it's a crappy semester. With the nursing license, I got behind in the studies and couldn't catch up....then came all the personal problems. I just want this to end soon...courses all passed so that I can start over better next year.
A friend said, 'You don't just want to pass your courses.' I really just need to pass my courses, but it's upsetting to know that you got a C. It means that you didn't understand the content well enough. Plus, who'd want a nurse who got C's? Up until now, I haven't 'just and only' passed my courses, so knock on wood and pray.
Oh, and I've never done well working and studying at the same time. I always end up feeling stuffy. But, I can't leave the hospital. Who'd pay the tuition then?
Hum...it's almost 3am and I have to get up in 4 hours so I think I'd just go hug my plush and sleep. Good Night
29.11.08
Frustration Pilled Under Books
It's Dec 10th 08. I'm finally updating my blog with old entries with what happened at the end of November. Very childish. Very "it's all about the same story" and that's the reason for not posting these up earlier and not creating a new entry for each of them. But after all, why not? Because that's how I felt on that specific day.
08-11-19
I was having dinner with my friend and her never-going-to-be boyfriend, when I received a phone call from Monika asking where we are. Oukay, as brainless as I can be, I didn't remember I was supposed to be anywhere with them. She said that there's a Korean food dinner with Jade. 'Huh?' Monika seemed perplex but probably not as much I was when she asked if I got an sms from Jade asking to eat out. Hell no, I didn't.
Then, my memory told Monika that Jade mentioned it on the private messages on Facebook, but Chi, Nancy, and I said that we weren't going to join them. Monika, being unhappy, said with a sarcastic tone, "Merci de me l'avoir avertie." Stop it, right here.
After exchanging few words, I called Nancy asking her about the sms, that Jade sent out at the beginning of the week. I don't care about not attending, because I know I didn't want to be there. Hey...
1_I wasn't invited.
2_How can I tell you nobody was going?
3_Wasn't it fun for you girls to find out I wasn't invited? Therefore, cut me some slacks and get back to the hostess, which I guess, Monika didn't.
08-11-21
I went to watch Twilight with Nancy and Monika. It's from a book I started reading last winter, but I didn't finish it. I like fiction, but that one is a real mushy one. Apparently, Nancy only started reading it two weeks or so, prior to the release of the movie and Monika will read it. That is, there are four books to this collection.
I know someone missed me, but I'm also aware that someone chose to replace me (Not someone...but they.) And that I'm guilty of the same crime. I used to have a friend to talk to every day. Right now, I still have a dear friend to talk to every day, but you know...they aren't the same person.
08-11-24
I have sudden insomnia without caffeine, but probably an extra shot of adrenaline. My brain is speeding and I can't stop it. My body managed to function even with less than 4 hours of sleep. The moment I found myself enjoying a real night, I realized it was already past 'the next' midnight.
For a matter of fact, I didn't receive any further explication of those emails. I don't know what girls' talk happened between them and I can't move on. I haven't.
Nancy knows. All this time, she was the friend who was always there. She knew everything. She was also there when Jade wrote whatever to them. Nevertheless, she didn't explain anything to me, even if, it's all about me.
Chi is probably the first person who'd notice I'm not me and to ask about it. Doesn't matter if the last time I saw her was six months ago and whatever the circumstance is. She's the other person who also received the email. Am I too much to be expecting her to talk to me about it? I so wanted to head over her house when I first learned about it, but I didn't. Nothing related to that was ever discussed.
Jade should know better. When we were catfighting and I confronted her, by asking if she has ever told something to A and asked A to keep it as a secret from B-C-D, and she gave me a firm "no", I smirked. A year ago, she wrote me an email, complaining about our meany attitude towards her. She asked me to keep it for myself. And I did. But, I still have the email.
I guess, that was too much to ask for. Actually, I didn't ask for anything, but only silently expecting it. And got nothing.
08-11-25
Unhappy to learn that I'll be working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year Eve. They asked us to choose between Christmas and New Year and I chose to work on Christmas. They can't do this. Seriously, even though I don't celebrate, it's mean! >.< style="font-weight: bold;">
08-11-27
I know I'm being very unforgiven here and that it's just not my usual self, but I can't help it. But then, I don't know why I'm acting like this! Urgh. As if, I don't want to put any effort into it. Or maybe enough is enough?
You know, when you want someone to move on, you have to give them time to go through the process of mourning. I can give them time when they need it, can't they just do the same? I'm not ready. Circumstances make it impossible to shut myself out completely, but hey, we aren't friendly-friendly again, all right? Which means, I stopped sharing my personal life since months ago and plan on keeping doing so.
It's 21:10. Upset because she's been waiting for Grey's Anatomy to show up on TV. Very very mad because she's been waiting even if she's very very sleepy with an accumulation of sleep deprived. Urgh.
08-11-28
When I finally opened my eyes, it was 12:10! Ouh lah lah, it's so not me to oversleep like this. I remember going to sleep with a terrible headache and that, before midnight, guess I was tired. Now, I've just spent over one hour dealing with the medical insurances. Damn them, can't they just deal with it without having me calling them asking bunch of questions for them to pay me back accordingly? Yes, even if it's only a refund of 15$! But say 15$ x 12 months!
It's pass 15:00 and I haven't done any studies yet. My brain will develop a tumor soon from talking too much on the cellphone. Recently, its batteries have to be charged everyday.
Ouh, I found my ulnar artery!!! What isn't fun in medecine, huh? Poop.
Hum..I love soup, hot soup in cold winter, miam. Love my long hair. Want them to be longer though, 5 cm more maybe? And then I can trim them out in order to have them healthier.
Ok here, this brainless girl is trying to bring her understanding of acid/base imbalance to a upper level, the university kind, so that she can explain it to nursing students that will come destroy her mood any time but not soon, oh...so confusing baby!!!!
08/11/29
Attendance for N & M's Bday: yes.
Overdressed: Yes. (only for the majority)
Prior to work: Yes. (with only 2 patients on hand because I had 4 empty beds, lol!)
Gifts: They seemed happy about them and for the first time in history, I didn't have to do the shopping.
Left early: Yes. (I have to work early tomorrow.)
08-11-19
I was having dinner with my friend and her never-going-to-be boyfriend, when I received a phone call from Monika asking where we are. Oukay, as brainless as I can be, I didn't remember I was supposed to be anywhere with them. She said that there's a Korean food dinner with Jade. 'Huh?' Monika seemed perplex but probably not as much I was when she asked if I got an sms from Jade asking to eat out. Hell no, I didn't.
Then, my memory told Monika that Jade mentioned it on the private messages on Facebook, but Chi, Nancy, and I said that we weren't going to join them. Monika, being unhappy, said with a sarcastic tone, "Merci de me l'avoir avertie." Stop it, right here.
After exchanging few words, I called Nancy asking her about the sms, that Jade sent out at the beginning of the week. I don't care about not attending, because I know I didn't want to be there. Hey...
1_I wasn't invited.
2_How can I tell you nobody was going?
3_Wasn't it fun for you girls to find out I wasn't invited? Therefore, cut me some slacks and get back to the hostess, which I guess, Monika didn't.
08-11-21
I went to watch Twilight with Nancy and Monika. It's from a book I started reading last winter, but I didn't finish it. I like fiction, but that one is a real mushy one. Apparently, Nancy only started reading it two weeks or so, prior to the release of the movie and Monika will read it. That is, there are four books to this collection.
I know someone missed me, but I'm also aware that someone chose to replace me (Not someone...but they.) And that I'm guilty of the same crime. I used to have a friend to talk to every day. Right now, I still have a dear friend to talk to every day, but you know...they aren't the same person.
08-11-24
I have sudden insomnia without caffeine, but probably an extra shot of adrenaline. My brain is speeding and I can't stop it. My body managed to function even with less than 4 hours of sleep. The moment I found myself enjoying a real night, I realized it was already past 'the next' midnight.
For a matter of fact, I didn't receive any further explication of those emails. I don't know what girls' talk happened between them and I can't move on. I haven't.
Nancy knows. All this time, she was the friend who was always there. She knew everything. She was also there when Jade wrote whatever to them. Nevertheless, she didn't explain anything to me, even if, it's all about me.
Chi is probably the first person who'd notice I'm not me and to ask about it. Doesn't matter if the last time I saw her was six months ago and whatever the circumstance is. She's the other person who also received the email. Am I too much to be expecting her to talk to me about it? I so wanted to head over her house when I first learned about it, but I didn't. Nothing related to that was ever discussed.
Jade should know better. When we were catfighting and I confronted her, by asking if she has ever told something to A and asked A to keep it as a secret from B-C-D, and she gave me a firm "no", I smirked. A year ago, she wrote me an email, complaining about our meany attitude towards her. She asked me to keep it for myself. And I did. But, I still have the email.
I guess, that was too much to ask for. Actually, I didn't ask for anything, but only silently expecting it. And got nothing.
08-11-25
Unhappy to learn that I'll be working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year Eve. They asked us to choose between Christmas and New Year and I chose to work on Christmas. They can't do this. Seriously, even though I don't celebrate, it's mean! >.< style="font-weight: bold;">
08-11-27
I know I'm being very unforgiven here and that it's just not my usual self, but I can't help it. But then, I don't know why I'm acting like this! Urgh. As if, I don't want to put any effort into it. Or maybe enough is enough?
You know, when you want someone to move on, you have to give them time to go through the process of mourning. I can give them time when they need it, can't they just do the same? I'm not ready. Circumstances make it impossible to shut myself out completely, but hey, we aren't friendly-friendly again, all right? Which means, I stopped sharing my personal life since months ago and plan on keeping doing so.
It's 21:10. Upset because she's been waiting for Grey's Anatomy to show up on TV. Very very mad because she's been waiting even if she's very very sleepy with an accumulation of sleep deprived. Urgh.
08-11-28
When I finally opened my eyes, it was 12:10! Ouh lah lah, it's so not me to oversleep like this. I remember going to sleep with a terrible headache and that, before midnight, guess I was tired. Now, I've just spent over one hour dealing with the medical insurances. Damn them, can't they just deal with it without having me calling them asking bunch of questions for them to pay me back accordingly? Yes, even if it's only a refund of 15$! But say 15$ x 12 months!
It's pass 15:00 and I haven't done any studies yet. My brain will develop a tumor soon from talking too much on the cellphone. Recently, its batteries have to be charged everyday.
Ouh, I found my ulnar artery!!! What isn't fun in medecine, huh? Poop.
Hum..I love soup, hot soup in cold winter, miam. Love my long hair. Want them to be longer though, 5 cm more maybe? And then I can trim them out in order to have them healthier.
Ok here, this brainless girl is trying to bring her understanding of acid/base imbalance to a upper level, the university kind, so that she can explain it to nursing students that will come destroy her mood any time but not soon, oh...so confusing baby!!!!
08/11/29
Attendance for N & M's Bday: yes.
Overdressed: Yes. (only for the majority)
Prior to work: Yes. (with only 2 patients on hand because I had 4 empty beds, lol!)
Gifts: They seemed happy about them and for the first time in history, I didn't have to do the shopping.
Left early: Yes. (I have to work early tomorrow.)
22.11.08
Dvds Series Spree
Okay I know I'm crazy. And I know I'm short on money. But Monika's working at BestBuy so yeah...they have many many dvds series on sale! And since I'm been watching Grey's Anatomy over and over again for the past month, I thought, well, maybe it's time for a change!
Months ago, a friend rent Sex in the City The Movie and it was good. Then, I heard the series is better, but what's better than having each season for 18-20 bucks each? They were missing some seasons at BB so we went to Future Shop for a price-matched (Well duh, Mo did the price-matched for me hehe.) Me happy. Well no. Me guilty. My credit card is hurt.
Oh yeah, I watched few episodes of Bones at my cousin's house months ago but missed so many and hated it for not understanding anything about their relationships. Then its first season is on sale too so I just grabbed it along the way. Ouh lah lah. I'm doomed.
//Edit
I think I'm going to return the Sex in the City Dvds. I only opened the 1st season, watched the first season and actually, it's not all that good. I mean, yeah it's only 20$ per season but, it's still 20$! It's a day starbucks-coffee-and-a-good-lunch-meal for me, so that's a lot! Because that makes up to many meals. So anyways, I just know that I won't be re-watching over and over again this series like I do for Grey's. Good to fill in the silence, but that's it. I'm just gonna borrowed it off from a friend who got the entire series. The problem is I have to go to both Future Shop and Best Buy, but ugh, they aren't close by and ugh, I'm in deeeeppp snow.
I hate my laptop. It has been going on crazy for over a week. I can't write a complete sentence without the cursor jumping up to few higher lines or just few backward words. What the hell is wrong with it? I'm hating Hp...'cuz my Hp printer also sucks badly.
Months ago, a friend rent Sex in the City The Movie and it was good. Then, I heard the series is better, but what's better than having each season for 18-20 bucks each? They were missing some seasons at BB so we went to Future Shop for a price-matched (Well duh, Mo did the price-matched for me hehe.) Me happy. Well no. Me guilty. My credit card is hurt.
Oh yeah, I watched few episodes of Bones at my cousin's house months ago but missed so many and hated it for not understanding anything about their relationships. Then its first season is on sale too so I just grabbed it along the way. Ouh lah lah. I'm doomed.
//Edit
I think I'm going to return the Sex in the City Dvds. I only opened the 1st season, watched the first season and actually, it's not all that good. I mean, yeah it's only 20$ per season but, it's still 20$! It's a day starbucks-coffee-and-a-good-lunch-meal for me, so that's a lot! Because that makes up to many meals. So anyways, I just know that I won't be re-watching over and over again this series like I do for Grey's. Good to fill in the silence, but that's it. I'm just gonna borrowed it off from a friend who got the entire series. The problem is I have to go to both Future Shop and Best Buy, but ugh, they aren't close by and ugh, I'm in deeeeppp snow.
I hate my laptop. It has been going on crazy for over a week. I can't write a complete sentence without the cursor jumping up to few higher lines or just few backward words. What the hell is wrong with it? I'm hating Hp...'cuz my Hp printer also sucks badly.
18.11.08
What's so Abnormal?
I still feel weird about it. I know it's pretty immature of me for being like this. But it's so damn uncomfortable when I think about it. To be aware that they've judged me somehow in someways behind my back and now pretend that nothing really happened, make it not fine at all. What's upsetting is the fact that I know this person, who I thought, understood my point of view or just understood me as her friend, to stand her point, to stand on what we've been discussing together...but of course not, she sort of followed the point of view of the majority. And like this, I didn't get any news on what they talked about since then.
Did you know that the definition of being normal is what acceptable for the majority? Let's say that out of 50 people there're 40 who eat bananas for lunch, then that's a normality.
Did you know that the definition of being normal is what acceptable for the majority? Let's say that out of 50 people there're 40 who eat bananas for lunch, then that's a normality.
15.11.08
Being A Man
Tonight party was...boring. We left early.
The music was good enough, the space wasn't big enough and the guys weren't fun enough. Actually, they all looked so nerdy and stuck. Let's say, there's someone you know he wants to dance with you. It was that obvious, so obvious that his friend had to push both of you into each other. Even with that, he still didn't quite make a move. And neither did she, because she wanted to see if he actually had enough courage and initiative. But hell no he didn't.
Then, her friends wanted to dance on a little stage, which she declined several times because the space was too small for her too badly hurt feet (heels...those pretty but hurtful heels). Therefore, just in case her head meet the alcoholic floor, she'd preferred to stay on the ground. Anyways, so the friends went up by themselves and there stood some asian guys who seemed to be enjoying staring at them since a while. One of them asked if she needed any help then lifted her up on there. For God'sake, the initiative was used at the wrong time.
In the end, I think I still prefer cooking and being a nurse more. Parties can still be fun between real friends though.
The music was good enough, the space wasn't big enough and the guys weren't fun enough. Actually, they all looked so nerdy and stuck. Let's say, there's someone you know he wants to dance with you. It was that obvious, so obvious that his friend had to push both of you into each other. Even with that, he still didn't quite make a move. And neither did she, because she wanted to see if he actually had enough courage and initiative. But hell no he didn't.
Then, her friends wanted to dance on a little stage, which she declined several times because the space was too small for her too badly hurt feet (heels...those pretty but hurtful heels). Therefore, just in case her head meet the alcoholic floor, she'd preferred to stay on the ground. Anyways, so the friends went up by themselves and there stood some asian guys who seemed to be enjoying staring at them since a while. One of them asked if she needed any help then lifted her up on there. For God'sake, the initiative was used at the wrong time.
In the end, I think I still prefer cooking and being a nurse more. Parties can still be fun between real friends though.
13.11.08
Ça va, juste comme ça.
Urgh. Novembre est supposé être moins terrible qu'Octobre. Pourtant, c'est 'gloomy' dehors et encore un peu en dedans. Mouais, c'est gloomy : triste et plate.
Ça va, de ne pas avoir à se présenter aux cours, reste qu'on a bien du retard à rattraper...et dès qu'on ramasse un peu, ce qui se passe durant la semaine vient s'installer sur la pile. C'est comme les moutons sur mon plancher que j'ai ramassé il y quelques jours...
On était à LaBaie, Linda cherchait un cadeau pour une amie et puis, une employée s'est apparemment évanouie pendant 2 min. Quand j'ai marché vers elle, elle était consciente et assise sur le plancher. Un certain étudiant en soins infirmiers s'est présenté et une autre employée l'a mis en charge. Je suis restée là...comme ça et observais. Il a demandé à la pauvre (qui a sûrement sauté un repas ou est déshydratée) s'elle était nauséeuse. Bon okay, moi...m'en vais chercher mes deux amies qui ne s'en préoccupaient pas trop. Dans ma tête, je voulais juste la faire coucher. Tse, au cas ou elle s'étouffe avec ses vomissements ou qu'elle cogne son coco par terre après une autre chute de pression.
Étant donné mon moi si peu imposante, on s'est faite retourner de bord quand on s'est présentée comme infirmières (non mais, des vraies infirmières), par une madame pas rapport du lieu. 'What the hell? He's just a student, but okay fine...', so I turned my heels and walked away. Bah... Elle n'en mourra pas et puis courage mon cher. Tout de même insultant de se faire kick out pour un étudiant! Et crime que ces trucs là arrivent quand je suis inutilement là.
Moi, va aller faire une bonne action. Je remplirai quelques sacs de vêtements trop grands et vieux que mon département de soins à l'école récolte pour des dons. ¨^-^¨ J'sais pas quasé que j'ai fait, mais je pèse autant qu'à 14 ans: 111lbs. J'ai pensé que la balance prouverait à ma mère que j'ai peut-être un air..., mais que ce n'est pas vrai, quoique je ne trouve pas que j'ai l'air de, mais elle m'a trahi!!!
Oh puis non, ça va pas. Juste...pas aujourd'hui.
Mais qu'est-ce qui ne va pas? J'sais pas.
Um...Ce que je sais, c'est que j'veux mon gros gros toutou.
Ça va, de ne pas avoir à se présenter aux cours, reste qu'on a bien du retard à rattraper...et dès qu'on ramasse un peu, ce qui se passe durant la semaine vient s'installer sur la pile. C'est comme les moutons sur mon plancher que j'ai ramassé il y quelques jours...
On était à LaBaie, Linda cherchait un cadeau pour une amie et puis, une employée s'est apparemment évanouie pendant 2 min. Quand j'ai marché vers elle, elle était consciente et assise sur le plancher. Un certain étudiant en soins infirmiers s'est présenté et une autre employée l'a mis en charge. Je suis restée là...comme ça et observais. Il a demandé à la pauvre (qui a sûrement sauté un repas ou est déshydratée) s'elle était nauséeuse. Bon okay, moi...m'en vais chercher mes deux amies qui ne s'en préoccupaient pas trop. Dans ma tête, je voulais juste la faire coucher. Tse, au cas ou elle s'étouffe avec ses vomissements ou qu'elle cogne son coco par terre après une autre chute de pression.
Étant donné mon moi si peu imposante, on s'est faite retourner de bord quand on s'est présentée comme infirmières (non mais, des vraies infirmières), par une madame pas rapport du lieu. 'What the hell? He's just a student, but okay fine...', so I turned my heels and walked away. Bah... Elle n'en mourra pas et puis courage mon cher. Tout de même insultant de se faire kick out pour un étudiant! Et crime que ces trucs là arrivent quand je suis inutilement là.
Moi, va aller faire une bonne action. Je remplirai quelques sacs de vêtements trop grands et vieux que mon département de soins à l'école récolte pour des dons. ¨^-^¨ J'sais pas quasé que j'ai fait, mais je pèse autant qu'à 14 ans: 111lbs. J'ai pensé que la balance prouverait à ma mère que j'ai peut-être un air..., mais que ce n'est pas vrai, quoique je ne trouve pas que j'ai l'air de, mais elle m'a trahi!!!
Oh puis non, ça va pas. Juste...pas aujourd'hui.
Mais qu'est-ce qui ne va pas? J'sais pas.
Um...Ce que je sais, c'est que j'veux mon gros gros toutou.
5.11.08
Un Horaire faussement chargé
9:00
I only called a few people yesterday. There were some I thought about calling, but then, I guess they'd know later, in a month or two, and it's not like they really cared when I was stressing out to study for my license. It's just a relieve though. Another step made in my life.My aunt woke me up at 8:00 to restart internet 'cuz it went down due to an electricity cut during the night, and since then, I couldn't really fall back to sleep, so I turned on Grey's Anatomy. There's something that Izzie does that's so funny. When she would get emotionally upset, she would bake! And she knits! =D So do I! The difference is, she's better at everything she does than I do, lol. I haven't baked in a while and have a high of it now, but oh damn, I don't have any vanilla yet and don't want to walk to the grocery. Better just go grab some frozen pasta, heat it up in the microwave and go back to my blanket.
13:00
That's when I actually got out of my bed to....
I found these cartoons in a forum long time ago. I obviously don't go through all those steps and can get out of the house within 15-20 min but isn't it cute?
15:30
Mon amie est venue pour mon deuxième cours de conduite et on s'est ramené aux galleries d'Anjou. Elle devait aller au Baby'R Us pour un baby shower et OMG, on est tombé sur un GROS chien tout doux qui vallait 75$, mais réduit à 40$. Je voulais tellement le ramener chez moi. Quelle fille qui ne veut pas avoir un nounours aussi grand qu'elle pour se cacher en dessous ou juste l'écraser? Bah, et non, je ne l'ai pas ramené. Pas le genre de chose qu'on s'achète soi-même.
J'ai quand même trouvé ce set d'uniforme pour 8$ le morceau à l'Équipeur!!!! Malgré le XS, c'est grand, sauf que j'adore l'existence d'une corde au niveau de la taille du top et de la hanche du pantalon pour les reserrer. =D YES! En plus ils sont foncés, c'est parfait pour mon humeur hivernal. Toutefois, ce n'est pas recommandé de porter un uniforme foncé parce que les taches ne sont pas visibles, mais m'en fou, c'est super comfy et j'ai pas ces couleurs, hehe. Il y avait des pantalons rouges aussi, mais j'veux pas avoir l'air d'un globule rouge ambulant.
18:15
Et voilà, on embarque dans la voiture de mon père, il fait tout noir. J'suis trop petite, je vois mal en avant et du côté passager. Bon, mon amie dit que je suis meilleure que la première fois, mais je me suis faite klaxonner parce que je prenais trop de temps lors d'un de mes stop/virage. Aussi, j'ai failli foncer dans un auto lorsque je sortais d'une intersection dans le parking. Um....et la roue a monté sur le ciment 2 fois...hehehehe...Pas encore prête pour la rue. Ouh. Conduire c'est le fun, un sentiment d'avoir du contrôl; même si j'suis une méchante grosse tortue qui a peur? Les gens font peur....*sob*
4.11.08
Happy Happy Nurse
GUESS WHAT??? I'm now officially a nurse!!!!
I passed my 500$ exam, got my license! Ouff... after those unforgettable 3 years of my life...
And it's a real good news after knowing that I flunked my physiology midterm exam. It's so weird, yeah it was a hard one, but it's still biology, and unless there's an event showing up unexpectedly, I usually get 80-90's.
"You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is what keeps us steady, stand still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changers our lives" from Grey's Anatomy
Anyways.... I'm actually exhausted. I didn't sleep well last night and therefore I was in a very bad mood today. Plus, we went to watch a 'Porno' movie, which I did fall asleep in the middle of it (should have counted how many times they said 'fuck' and 'shit'). I don't appreciate stupid comedy. And, it might be the fourth movie in a row that I see in movies theaters that the characters'd get naked every 10 min and jump on each other. All of this is because we had a chemistry examen at 18h15. It was damn hard, but I got the same answers as my friends, so let's wait for the result, either got it all right or flunked together again.
Ha! I'm still very happy now, just that I should get under my blanket soon and sleep. It's a great Christmas gift...there is always better, but since I'm not very big on holidays, at the moment, this is good enough. So many people I want to call to announce this, but I guess, I'll just ring a few and shut myself up for now.
"Responsibility really does suck. Unfortunately, when you get pass the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood has its perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no parents everywhere telling you what to do. That's damn pretty good." Meredith Grey
You know, it's unfortunate that I'm so tired and always complain after my shift, but in the end, I still love my job. With my license, it comes responsibilities. And I believe that when Life closes a door on you, it will open a new one eventually. *smile*
I passed my 500$ exam, got my license! Ouff... after those unforgettable 3 years of my life...
And it's a real good news after knowing that I flunked my physiology midterm exam. It's so weird, yeah it was a hard one, but it's still biology, and unless there's an event showing up unexpectedly, I usually get 80-90's.
"You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is what keeps us steady, stand still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changers our lives" from Grey's Anatomy
Anyways.... I'm actually exhausted. I didn't sleep well last night and therefore I was in a very bad mood today. Plus, we went to watch a 'Porno' movie, which I did fall asleep in the middle of it (should have counted how many times they said 'fuck' and 'shit'). I don't appreciate stupid comedy. And, it might be the fourth movie in a row that I see in movies theaters that the characters'd get naked every 10 min and jump on each other. All of this is because we had a chemistry examen at 18h15. It was damn hard, but I got the same answers as my friends, so let's wait for the result, either got it all right or flunked together again.
Ha! I'm still very happy now, just that I should get under my blanket soon and sleep. It's a great Christmas gift...there is always better, but since I'm not very big on holidays, at the moment, this is good enough. So many people I want to call to announce this, but I guess, I'll just ring a few and shut myself up for now.
"Responsibility really does suck. Unfortunately, when you get pass the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood has its perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no parents everywhere telling you what to do. That's damn pretty good." Meredith Grey
You know, it's unfortunate that I'm so tired and always complain after my shift, but in the end, I still love my job. With my license, it comes responsibilities. And I believe that when Life closes a door on you, it will open a new one eventually. *smile*
3.11.08
It's My Choice
I should be sleeping by now, but there's something.
I missed her, so I called her a week ago. I was actually jealous after seeing pictures of the three of them together. (Something I got over with within an hour or so.) Also, that they held a birthday party for another girl and I was the one missing (not that it went smooth last year...). I used to not be the one not attending a dinner. But, it was my choice: I told them I had to study for my midterms.
The conversation was weird...as in, we didn't quite have something to say. She said I sounded desperate about life. Then, we didn't talk again until yesterday, when she called to go back home together after, but I was already getting close to my house by then with my overtime. She called again today during her break...like she used to weeks ago. My close friends would call to know how their friend is doing, to catch up with me...to talk, even though we haven't been hanging out with each other much. That's what she and I did, but it'd never be the same again, because from now on, 'to be fair', I won't share what's 'too' personal about me anymore. Just as someone said, either you say nothing or tell everything to everyone. All right, that's what I'll do.
Since the incident, the person, that I can't really face yet, sms'ed me to go out. The person who doesn't know nothing about everything, called several times to go out. And there...there's this friend that I miss. But it's okay, because I'm the one turning them down. Yes, no matter how busy I might be, if I want to see someone, I'd still go. At least, my mind is more at rest like this and I'm glad for that. Oh, and for different reasons to different people, I do feel sorry. Although saying sorry is a good start, but it doesn't solve your problems, 'cuz it isn't likely to stay.
One of them said that because I'm the 'center' of the group, when my mood changes, it affects the whole group. However, I'm not the one putting up a bull-face on a friend's party due to personal reason. She holds grudges against me, so why can't I do the same? Well, it doesn't matter if that was her intention or not, but she managed to win and I actually let her to. Sometimes, it's way too tiring to fight that you just have to let go. It's like fighting to treat a wound while with time, the infection only gets worse. They probably understood that they don't need me to see each other and I'll get use to not be there when they are. And I have to mention that they used to say, 'we don't really see each other when you're not there'. Well, not anymore.
And you know, as long as the choice you made fits you, what can people do?
p.s. Hema-Quebec called to ask me to do blood donation, but I turned it down...duh lil anemic is moi. =( felt bad though.
I missed her, so I called her a week ago. I was actually jealous after seeing pictures of the three of them together. (Something I got over with within an hour or so.) Also, that they held a birthday party for another girl and I was the one missing (not that it went smooth last year...). I used to not be the one not attending a dinner. But, it was my choice: I told them I had to study for my midterms.
The conversation was weird...as in, we didn't quite have something to say. She said I sounded desperate about life. Then, we didn't talk again until yesterday, when she called to go back home together after, but I was already getting close to my house by then with my overtime. She called again today during her break...like she used to weeks ago. My close friends would call to know how their friend is doing, to catch up with me...to talk, even though we haven't been hanging out with each other much. That's what she and I did, but it'd never be the same again, because from now on, 'to be fair', I won't share what's 'too' personal about me anymore. Just as someone said, either you say nothing or tell everything to everyone. All right, that's what I'll do.
Since the incident, the person, that I can't really face yet, sms'ed me to go out. The person who doesn't know nothing about everything, called several times to go out. And there...there's this friend that I miss. But it's okay, because I'm the one turning them down. Yes, no matter how busy I might be, if I want to see someone, I'd still go. At least, my mind is more at rest like this and I'm glad for that. Oh, and for different reasons to different people, I do feel sorry. Although saying sorry is a good start, but it doesn't solve your problems, 'cuz it isn't likely to stay.
One of them said that because I'm the 'center' of the group, when my mood changes, it affects the whole group. However, I'm not the one putting up a bull-face on a friend's party due to personal reason. She holds grudges against me, so why can't I do the same? Well, it doesn't matter if that was her intention or not, but she managed to win and I actually let her to. Sometimes, it's way too tiring to fight that you just have to let go. It's like fighting to treat a wound while with time, the infection only gets worse. They probably understood that they don't need me to see each other and I'll get use to not be there when they are. And I have to mention that they used to say, 'we don't really see each other when you're not there'. Well, not anymore.
And you know, as long as the choice you made fits you, what can people do?
p.s. Hema-Quebec called to ask me to do blood donation, but I turned it down...duh lil anemic is moi. =( felt bad though.
1.11.08
Wounds (patient's case)
You know my spaghetti patient? Well, she doesn't have that tube going into her stomach anymore. We're feeding her through her veins. She got these wounds on her, making me so speechless, although they aren't the worst I've seen up until now, but they are so not healing. Two months ago, it wasn't like this.
Usually, it would take me 10 min to redress a wound. If it's a complex dressing it'd take me around 30-40 min the first time then 20 min the following shift. If it's a simple one and I'm in a hurry, it would take me 5 min. Practice people. Of course, double the time or even triple it, and that's how much I used to need to be done while I was on training. Anyways, today, it took me 2 hours dressing up 6 wounds on her body. When I was done, it was already 16h15 and I didn't even get to do my other patient's dressing nor completed any patient's chart.
Flesh. Meat. She's being eating outside in. I mean, it was like a huge pitiful steak in front of me. You can see all the muscle line and the wound is so large (~40 cm x ~30 cm). That's only the one in the back. She has necrosis on 4 of her wounds. Seriously, if they don't do anything, she'll end up losing her legs. All right, we clean them, but those parts are dead cells. It's like cleaning plastic.
One of the cause of her problem is that she's diabetic. People with this illness have a hard time healing whatever wounds they have. Small wounds would only grow bigger if they aren't taken cared of. I know, she had suffered a lot with all the surgeries and stuff. The doctors don't want to give up.
My eyes are at it again: getting dry and shedding tears when dry. And then I started to sniff. Poor her, she felt so guilty and was apologizing to me. She told me to stop looking for her wounds because they hurt so much and just to leave them like that. But I wasn't crying! Really. She thought she offended me. My nose was only running probably due to a small cold.
Between us, we wonder if she'd ever get out of this misery. No quality of life. Well, at least she's lucid now...lucid, suffering, and feeling guilty.
Usually, it would take me 10 min to redress a wound. If it's a complex dressing it'd take me around 30-40 min the first time then 20 min the following shift. If it's a simple one and I'm in a hurry, it would take me 5 min. Practice people. Of course, double the time or even triple it, and that's how much I used to need to be done while I was on training. Anyways, today, it took me 2 hours dressing up 6 wounds on her body. When I was done, it was already 16h15 and I didn't even get to do my other patient's dressing nor completed any patient's chart.
Flesh. Meat. She's being eating outside in. I mean, it was like a huge pitiful steak in front of me. You can see all the muscle line and the wound is so large (~40 cm x ~30 cm). That's only the one in the back. She has necrosis on 4 of her wounds. Seriously, if they don't do anything, she'll end up losing her legs. All right, we clean them, but those parts are dead cells. It's like cleaning plastic.
One of the cause of her problem is that she's diabetic. People with this illness have a hard time healing whatever wounds they have. Small wounds would only grow bigger if they aren't taken cared of. I know, she had suffered a lot with all the surgeries and stuff. The doctors don't want to give up.
My eyes are at it again: getting dry and shedding tears when dry. And then I started to sniff. Poor her, she felt so guilty and was apologizing to me. She told me to stop looking for her wounds because they hurt so much and just to leave them like that. But I wasn't crying! Really. She thought she offended me. My nose was only running probably due to a small cold.
Between us, we wonder if she'd ever get out of this misery. No quality of life. Well, at least she's lucid now...lucid, suffering, and feeling guilty.
Momo by Michael Ende
I have been dragging around this book for almost 2 years and never managed to finish it. The story is too heavy (although it looks like a kid' story book). I don't really like to think when I'm reading for leisure.
All dwelling in one house are strange brothers three,
as unlike as any three brothers could be,
yet try as you may to tell brother from brother,
you'll find that the trio resemble each other.
the first isn't there, though he'll come beyond doubt. - Future
The second's departed, so he's not about. - Past
the third and the smallest is right on the spot,
and manage without him the others could not. - Now
- The past consists of moments gone by and the future of moments to come, so neither of them could exist without the present. -
Yet the third is a factor with which to be reckoned
because the first brother turns into the second.
- The present exists only becasue the future turns into the past. -
You cannot stand back and observe number three,
for one of the others is all you will see.
- There's really no such thing as the present, only past and future. Take this moment, for instance: by the time I talk about it, it's already in the past. -
[...] are the three of them one?
Or are there but two. Or could there be none?
- You could be forgiven for thinking there was only one brother - the present [...] or only the past of the future. Or none of them at all, because each of them exists only when the others do.-
Just name them, and you will realize
that each rules a kingdom of infinite size.
They rule it together and are it as well. - Time
In that, they're alike, so where do they dwell? - The world
Momo written by Michael Ende p. 138-141
All dwelling in one house are strange brothers three,
as unlike as any three brothers could be,
yet try as you may to tell brother from brother,
you'll find that the trio resemble each other.
the first isn't there, though he'll come beyond doubt. - Future
The second's departed, so he's not about. - Past
the third and the smallest is right on the spot,
and manage without him the others could not. - Now
- The past consists of moments gone by and the future of moments to come, so neither of them could exist without the present. -
Yet the third is a factor with which to be reckoned
because the first brother turns into the second.
- The present exists only becasue the future turns into the past. -
You cannot stand back and observe number three,
for one of the others is all you will see.
- There's really no such thing as the present, only past and future. Take this moment, for instance: by the time I talk about it, it's already in the past. -
[...] are the three of them one?
Or are there but two. Or could there be none?
- You could be forgiven for thinking there was only one brother - the present [...] or only the past of the future. Or none of them at all, because each of them exists only when the others do.-
Just name them, and you will realize
that each rules a kingdom of infinite size.
They rule it together and are it as well. - Time
In that, they're alike, so where do they dwell? - The world
Momo written by Michael Ende p. 138-141
29.10.08
Jardin Botanique
 |
| Pumpkins and Lanterns |
It took so long to update those pictures. I kept on waiting for the missing ones from Linda but I guess, I'd never really have them...so here they are. That's it for now. Oh actually, I'm trying to figure out how to have a page with only albums pictures...how do we do it?
26.10.08
The Fear of Losing
People have emotions.
People feel different kind of emotions. Some people tend to be more on the optimistic side and some people are just the opposite of that.
I'm scared. It's fear.
There's this fear of losing the people that are important to me 'cuz well, seems like that's what being going on these days. Take for instance my fish: I lost the other one. It was easy to replace it but whenever he refuses to eat, I'll keep on wondering why and be worried. And I know it's just a fish, but he's my fish. All right, that person isn't just her or him, because I need them. Don't people develop a certain kind of bond with each other after being together for a while? The point is, they're different because they have a special meaning to me.
So, whenever the threat is near, I freak out. When people are about to lose what they have left, they would just get even more insecure and...and afraid.
Therefore, I can't face it.
Instead, I pretend. I pretend that I'm fine. (Grey's anatomy people seem to like to pretend too. Is this a specific characteristic of meds people?) Beside pretending, I don't know what else I can possibly do, because everyone has problems and you still have to get up and go to work, right? So that's I'm doing. Though, I wish consequences would stop hitting me week after week.
However, I have this stupid headache that doesn't seem to be going away since few days, doesn't matter if I'm at school, work or home. Geez, in a pretty day like this, I'm stuck in my bedroom-cave.
Now got to go to care for lives. Care. Not save.
People feel different kind of emotions. Some people tend to be more on the optimistic side and some people are just the opposite of that.
I'm scared. It's fear.
There's this fear of losing the people that are important to me 'cuz well, seems like that's what being going on these days. Take for instance my fish: I lost the other one. It was easy to replace it but whenever he refuses to eat, I'll keep on wondering why and be worried. And I know it's just a fish, but he's my fish. All right, that person isn't just her or him, because I need them. Don't people develop a certain kind of bond with each other after being together for a while? The point is, they're different because they have a special meaning to me.
So, whenever the threat is near, I freak out. When people are about to lose what they have left, they would just get even more insecure and...and afraid.
Therefore, I can't face it.
Instead, I pretend. I pretend that I'm fine. (Grey's anatomy people seem to like to pretend too. Is this a specific characteristic of meds people?) Beside pretending, I don't know what else I can possibly do, because everyone has problems and you still have to get up and go to work, right? So that's I'm doing. Though, I wish consequences would stop hitting me week after week.
However, I have this stupid headache that doesn't seem to be going away since few days, doesn't matter if I'm at school, work or home. Geez, in a pretty day like this, I'm stuck in my bedroom-cave.
Now got to go to care for lives. Care. Not save.
23.10.08
Actually
My chemisty teacher Just (that's his last name too) passed away. He missed some classes and then the direction announced that everything we have learned up until now is cancelled. Therefore, we'll be learning 'new' stuff more related to nursing (drugs, love chemistry, etc). My friend and I joked that maybe he got a heart attack and he actually die from it. Urgh.
We went through the hardest physiology (bio) exam in our life! Exams in English that aren't English related make me even more confused. Why did I even choose to go to McGill, making life more difficult for nothing? Should have gone to Sherbrooke. The 3 midterms went bad, very bad. Anyways, try harder, concentrate, and study more. The thing is, I can't study off of slides. I've to write regular notes out of them so that I can truly learn, but that's so time-eater.
The good news are, the mail just brought me Grey's anatomy dvds I II III!!!! I'm done for the next 2 weeks =D. Actually, I finished my #th book some weeks ago and didn't start any yet 'cuz had too much English going on. But I guess with a good book and a hot chocolate, I'll be just fine.
Oh, I'll be hitting the floor again after two weeks off. Finally, catching up what's more practical in nursing than textbooks. No disaster please.
"You knew it would eventually happen."
"'Eventually' feels very different from 'actually'. It actually hurts."
We went through the hardest physiology (bio) exam in our life! Exams in English that aren't English related make me even more confused. Why did I even choose to go to McGill, making life more difficult for nothing? Should have gone to Sherbrooke. The 3 midterms went bad, very bad. Anyways, try harder, concentrate, and study more. The thing is, I can't study off of slides. I've to write regular notes out of them so that I can truly learn, but that's so time-eater.
The good news are, the mail just brought me Grey's anatomy dvds I II III!!!! I'm done for the next 2 weeks =D. Actually, I finished my #th book some weeks ago and didn't start any yet 'cuz had too much English going on. But I guess with a good book and a hot chocolate, I'll be just fine.
Oh, I'll be hitting the floor again after two weeks off. Finally, catching up what's more practical in nursing than textbooks. No disaster please.
"You knew it would eventually happen."
"'Eventually' feels very different from 'actually'. It actually hurts."
18.10.08
Les Bonnes Manières à table
Hier, je suis allée dîner à l'ITHQ, école où mes deux cousines s'amusent. C'était assez drôle merci. On était sept dont six sont étudiants à l'ITHQ et ils passaient leur temps à dire 'l'étiquette vient de prendre le bord'.
Un des moments où je me sentais incroyablement perdue.
On s'entend, le menu avait une page, mais quand le serveur est venu pour prendre les commandes, j'ai sorti mon habituel 'je voudrais du euh............' (m'en souvenais plus et ne le trouvais pas sur le menu...bizarre?). Heureusement que la voisine savait qu'est-ce que je voulais et l'a commandé pour moi. Pas de ma faute, les plats ont des noms tellement compliqués qui veulent presque rien dire.
Tout d'abord, les bouchées. Une amie a Diane a mis du paté directement sur le pain et s'est tout de suite rendue compte que ce n'est pas chose à faire, donc elle a remis le pain sur l'assiete et l'a coupé en deux.
Ensuite, viens l'entrée principale. Ma cousine a choisi quelque chose quelque chose champignons et moi du crabe et crevette enroulés comme des rouleaux impériaux. On passait notre temps à picotter dans l'assiette de lautre.
Puis, la partie désastreuse c'est bien le plat principal. Au lieu de manger de l'extérieur vers l'intérieur, je passe mon temps à manger du bas vers le haut ou vice versa. Oh et pauvre eux, je pense qu'ils sont venus remplir mon verre d'eau au moins cinq fois et même que j'ai failli me cogner la tête contre le pot d'eau, quand il s'en venait pour en verser entre ma cousine et moi et que au lieu de m'éloigner de ma cousine, j'ai fait le contraire.
Cela allait bientôt prendre fin quand j'ai reçu un coup de téléphone d'une amie en grosse remise en question : était en soins infirmiers, mais que maintenant, fait des cours de maths pour remonter sa cote et qui entrevoit la possibilité d'hôtesse de l'air. Donc, discussion partie, je n'ai pas fait attention au serveur qui a demandé si on avait fini de manger. J'étais encore au téléphone quand il ramasse les assiettes, mais je l'ai empêché vu que je n'avais pas encore fini! Oh non, il s'est fait chicané par sa prof. La voisine m'a expliqué qu'il ne peut pas prendre les assiettes s'ils restent des gens qui mangent encore. Ah crime! Me sentais trop mal. Me suis au moins excusée >.>''' et expliqué à la maître d'hôtel que c'était de ma faute.
Et vous savez quoi? On n'a pas le droit de se lever quand on est à table avant la fin. Alors, par réflexe, je demande qu'est-ce que les femmes enceintes font alors? (C'est juste que j'ai toujours besoin d'aller vider ma vessie pleine d'eau). La voisine me pointe une dame à la table d'à côté et me dit, "elle est enceinte et ne s'est pas encore levée". Ok, d'abord.
Enfin, pour le dessert, cela s'est déroulé sans trop d'accidents, sauf qu'il ne restait plus de crème brûlée alors j'en ai pas eu =(
Diane s'est donc ramassée chez moi pour la première fois de sa vie, elle vedgeant sur mon PC et moi dans mon lit, qui essayais ardement d'avancer dans mon étude sans trop de succès. À 20h, elle est venue faire la boulette avec moi et...on s'endort. Nah, juste avant elle est rentrée à la maison.
Assez drôle comme journée. C'est triste manger quand c'est aussi compliquée. Être confortable c'est l'important. ^-^
Un des moments où je me sentais incroyablement perdue.
On s'entend, le menu avait une page, mais quand le serveur est venu pour prendre les commandes, j'ai sorti mon habituel 'je voudrais du euh............' (m'en souvenais plus et ne le trouvais pas sur le menu...bizarre?). Heureusement que la voisine savait qu'est-ce que je voulais et l'a commandé pour moi. Pas de ma faute, les plats ont des noms tellement compliqués qui veulent presque rien dire.
Tout d'abord, les bouchées. Une amie a Diane a mis du paté directement sur le pain et s'est tout de suite rendue compte que ce n'est pas chose à faire, donc elle a remis le pain sur l'assiete et l'a coupé en deux.
Ensuite, viens l'entrée principale. Ma cousine a choisi quelque chose quelque chose champignons et moi du crabe et crevette enroulés comme des rouleaux impériaux. On passait notre temps à picotter dans l'assiette de lautre.
Puis, la partie désastreuse c'est bien le plat principal. Au lieu de manger de l'extérieur vers l'intérieur, je passe mon temps à manger du bas vers le haut ou vice versa. Oh et pauvre eux, je pense qu'ils sont venus remplir mon verre d'eau au moins cinq fois et même que j'ai failli me cogner la tête contre le pot d'eau, quand il s'en venait pour en verser entre ma cousine et moi et que au lieu de m'éloigner de ma cousine, j'ai fait le contraire.
Cela allait bientôt prendre fin quand j'ai reçu un coup de téléphone d'une amie en grosse remise en question : était en soins infirmiers, mais que maintenant, fait des cours de maths pour remonter sa cote et qui entrevoit la possibilité d'hôtesse de l'air. Donc, discussion partie, je n'ai pas fait attention au serveur qui a demandé si on avait fini de manger. J'étais encore au téléphone quand il ramasse les assiettes, mais je l'ai empêché vu que je n'avais pas encore fini! Oh non, il s'est fait chicané par sa prof. La voisine m'a expliqué qu'il ne peut pas prendre les assiettes s'ils restent des gens qui mangent encore. Ah crime! Me sentais trop mal. Me suis au moins excusée >.>''' et expliqué à la maître d'hôtel que c'était de ma faute.
Et vous savez quoi? On n'a pas le droit de se lever quand on est à table avant la fin. Alors, par réflexe, je demande qu'est-ce que les femmes enceintes font alors? (C'est juste que j'ai toujours besoin d'aller vider ma vessie pleine d'eau). La voisine me pointe une dame à la table d'à côté et me dit, "elle est enceinte et ne s'est pas encore levée". Ok, d'abord.
Enfin, pour le dessert, cela s'est déroulé sans trop d'accidents, sauf qu'il ne restait plus de crème brûlée alors j'en ai pas eu =(
Diane s'est donc ramassée chez moi pour la première fois de sa vie, elle vedgeant sur mon PC et moi dans mon lit, qui essayais ardement d'avancer dans mon étude sans trop de succès. À 20h, elle est venue faire la boulette avec moi et...on s'endort. Nah, juste avant elle est rentrée à la maison.
Assez drôle comme journée. C'est triste manger quand c'est aussi compliquée. Être confortable c'est l'important. ^-^
17.10.08
The Next Day
...can it really be a better day?
After finally falling asleep I don't know when, the stupid alarms had to trigger off. It was raining outside so my basement bedroom was completely dark. No, I didn't want to get out of my comfy bed. Seriously? Curse that. The class lasted 1 hour and we left the campus after that.
Guess what? By the time I get home, it was bright sunny outside.
Yup. The sun made me feel happy. But that was it because when I stepped into the house, everything is just the same.
Now, I'm laying here, trying to read about immunology and watching Grey's anatomy online, thinking about how lame things are.
//edit
oh and you know what? I'm fine. Yeah. I really am. It's not the first time that these things happen. Quite a regular cycle I guess. It somewhat happens every year so I'm getting used to it. Bah, and why should I care?
After finally falling asleep I don't know when, the stupid alarms had to trigger off. It was raining outside so my basement bedroom was completely dark. No, I didn't want to get out of my comfy bed. Seriously? Curse that. The class lasted 1 hour and we left the campus after that.
Guess what? By the time I get home, it was bright sunny outside.
Yup. The sun made me feel happy. But that was it because when I stepped into the house, everything is just the same.
Now, I'm laying here, trying to read about immunology and watching Grey's anatomy online, thinking about how lame things are.
//edit
oh and you know what? I'm fine. Yeah. I really am. It's not the first time that these things happen. Quite a regular cycle I guess. It somewhat happens every year so I'm getting used to it. Bah, and why should I care?
15.10.08
Khi đã hết lời
Seriously, I don't know what else I can do or say. But I do have a lot to say.
Sunday morning, someone I have known for 8 years blamed me for doing friends selection. Blamed me for my straightforwardness that I don't realize what I say (I don't realize it because my intention wasn't mean. She took it the wrong way). The whole time, she'd think that I want to speak alone with another friend and so on. Therefore, she believes I select out friends and tell people different secrets time by time. At the moment, I thought, all right, so I am wrong. But the more that I talk about it, the more I can guarantee that everyone does it. Even she does it but when I confront her about, she's convinced that she doesn't.
For the whole time we've known each other, she has always blamed me for who I am. Was it when I was 16 y.o or is it when I'm 20 y.o...it's the same, because she still live in her childhood...or as a teenager.
Now, I want to ask her, what is she still doing here as my friend? She would never be able to accept me as I am. She says I speak hurtful words. She directly said, "Your life is a mess but ours aren't. You think your problems are just problem. But your problems are actually the end of the world for us."
What the heck? Do you say this to your friend?
As I am me. There're so many scenarios going on in my mind to confront her. But as I used to be, I always always forgive, even if they take 6 months to say I'm sorry. Plus, don't forget that to begin with, they were the one blaming me for everything. But since I've changed as much as she claimed I did, no, I don't want to speak a word to her again. And I don't want to forgive. Because this will always always go on. She'll never understand what's wrong with her. Spending her time judging her friends, saying she hates that person, and turning friends against each other is just as wrong as what I do. When she had trouble, I didn't word any judging and offered my help--even if that didn't work out.
It's not because a person does horrible thing that he's a horrible person. This, she will never understand.
At least, there's one thing that she agrees with me is that, even after 8 years, all five of us don't know each other.
She also puts words into my mouth. I've never said that I regretted about something, but if she goes on with this behavior of hers, sure I'll end up regretting it. Oh, I might have already by now. Serve you right. You say, you won't be able to tell me your secrets from now on? Do you think I'll be able to tell my secrets then? Trust me, you won't hear from me anytime soon. And, there's no way you'd get to know me anymore. If you haven't accepted me before, you won't do later on.
I believe I do evolve. Change. But at the same time, I believe sincerely that me is still me. Isn't there a saying that if you take any risk, you don't get anything? I was never perfect to begin with because I did not have a perfect life. Only you people thought I was perfect. But since I'm no longer who you think I am, and that you don't like me as who I am today, fuck off. I have so much going in my life, because you said it yourself, my life is such a mess, that I can't be dealing with you too! (Actually, I didn't think my life was such a mess before you said it. At least, I was still able to cope with my mess.)
Monday evening, my grandfather who left my house called home to yell at dad. He somehow learned about the story that happened on me due to my uncle. A story of 4 years old. He blamed them for not telling him when he was here. Then, he goes on blaming my grandmother's affair with my uncle. The hell? Why would my grandmother's having an affair with my uncle? Since the crisis between my grandmother and my mother, I haven't been talking to her much, but it's just an obvious thing. My grandfather wondered if my aunt knows about. Dad said no because he doesn't want my aunt to get more trouble with her life. Look, I did resent them for choosing this, but since I've kept this as it is for 4 years, can't they just move on with MY life?
People around me pretend that they've moved on. But they haven't because either they can't openly talk about the problem or they just talk about it days and nights.
You might think that I'm insensitive. Ok, I might be. But what do you want me to do? There's nothing to do! And yes, there're a so much more problems in the world, like a person dying of whatever illness that is. Oh and whatever, in the end, they're still MY problems. Can't I do what I want with them? Anyways, I've been digging such a deep hole to bury them that it doesn't matter anymore. And maybe, if I haven't been doing that, maybe I wouldn't even be here by now, 'cuz I seem to be a problem magnet.
Nevertheless, I am on the verge of an outburst. But, no tear is coming out even though I know I might feel better. I do want a shoulder to rest on.
When my aunt asked if I wanted to move to Toronto. I seriously freaked out. Yeah, I've always said that I don't want to stay here, but she sounded so serious. At that time (1month ago), I told her, there're still people I don't want to leave behind.
In the end, I don't have any reason to stay. Nobody really needs me. See? Why I only feel fine beside my patients' beds? Because I know, they truly need me to get through it. The smile of gratitude they share are genuine. Those strangers' smiles are more genuine than my friend's.
The irony of life.
I know, it sounds so dramatic. It is dramatic because all this is happening at the same time.
Just a not-so-funny story for fun.
I was so upset that I yelled out because there was no butter to put on my brownish toasts. I made a scene on my mom for butter!
Sunday morning, someone I have known for 8 years blamed me for doing friends selection. Blamed me for my straightforwardness that I don't realize what I say (I don't realize it because my intention wasn't mean. She took it the wrong way). The whole time, she'd think that I want to speak alone with another friend and so on. Therefore, she believes I select out friends and tell people different secrets time by time. At the moment, I thought, all right, so I am wrong. But the more that I talk about it, the more I can guarantee that everyone does it. Even she does it but when I confront her about, she's convinced that she doesn't.
For the whole time we've known each other, she has always blamed me for who I am. Was it when I was 16 y.o or is it when I'm 20 y.o...it's the same, because she still live in her childhood...or as a teenager.
Now, I want to ask her, what is she still doing here as my friend? She would never be able to accept me as I am. She says I speak hurtful words. She directly said, "Your life is a mess but ours aren't. You think your problems are just problem. But your problems are actually the end of the world for us."
What the heck? Do you say this to your friend?
As I am me. There're so many scenarios going on in my mind to confront her. But as I used to be, I always always forgive, even if they take 6 months to say I'm sorry. Plus, don't forget that to begin with, they were the one blaming me for everything. But since I've changed as much as she claimed I did, no, I don't want to speak a word to her again. And I don't want to forgive. Because this will always always go on. She'll never understand what's wrong with her. Spending her time judging her friends, saying she hates that person, and turning friends against each other is just as wrong as what I do. When she had trouble, I didn't word any judging and offered my help--even if that didn't work out.
It's not because a person does horrible thing that he's a horrible person. This, she will never understand.
At least, there's one thing that she agrees with me is that, even after 8 years, all five of us don't know each other.
She also puts words into my mouth. I've never said that I regretted about something, but if she goes on with this behavior of hers, sure I'll end up regretting it. Oh, I might have already by now. Serve you right. You say, you won't be able to tell me your secrets from now on? Do you think I'll be able to tell my secrets then? Trust me, you won't hear from me anytime soon. And, there's no way you'd get to know me anymore. If you haven't accepted me before, you won't do later on.
I believe I do evolve. Change. But at the same time, I believe sincerely that me is still me. Isn't there a saying that if you take any risk, you don't get anything? I was never perfect to begin with because I did not have a perfect life. Only you people thought I was perfect. But since I'm no longer who you think I am, and that you don't like me as who I am today, fuck off. I have so much going in my life, because you said it yourself, my life is such a mess, that I can't be dealing with you too! (Actually, I didn't think my life was such a mess before you said it. At least, I was still able to cope with my mess.)
Monday evening, my grandfather who left my house called home to yell at dad. He somehow learned about the story that happened on me due to my uncle. A story of 4 years old. He blamed them for not telling him when he was here. Then, he goes on blaming my grandmother's affair with my uncle. The hell? Why would my grandmother's having an affair with my uncle? Since the crisis between my grandmother and my mother, I haven't been talking to her much, but it's just an obvious thing. My grandfather wondered if my aunt knows about. Dad said no because he doesn't want my aunt to get more trouble with her life. Look, I did resent them for choosing this, but since I've kept this as it is for 4 years, can't they just move on with MY life?
People around me pretend that they've moved on. But they haven't because either they can't openly talk about the problem or they just talk about it days and nights.
You might think that I'm insensitive. Ok, I might be. But what do you want me to do? There's nothing to do! And yes, there're a so much more problems in the world, like a person dying of whatever illness that is. Oh and whatever, in the end, they're still MY problems. Can't I do what I want with them? Anyways, I've been digging such a deep hole to bury them that it doesn't matter anymore. And maybe, if I haven't been doing that, maybe I wouldn't even be here by now, 'cuz I seem to be a problem magnet.
Nevertheless, I am on the verge of an outburst. But, no tear is coming out even though I know I might feel better. I do want a shoulder to rest on.
When my aunt asked if I wanted to move to Toronto. I seriously freaked out. Yeah, I've always said that I don't want to stay here, but she sounded so serious. At that time (1month ago), I told her, there're still people I don't want to leave behind.
In the end, I don't have any reason to stay. Nobody really needs me. See? Why I only feel fine beside my patients' beds? Because I know, they truly need me to get through it. The smile of gratitude they share are genuine. Those strangers' smiles are more genuine than my friend's.
The irony of life.
I know, it sounds so dramatic. It is dramatic because all this is happening at the same time.
Just a not-so-funny story for fun.
I was so upset that I yelled out because there was no butter to put on my brownish toasts. I made a scene on my mom for butter!
12.10.08
Hatred
I was never as mad as I am.
I've never wanted to yell 'leave me alone' as much as now.
And I've never hated women as much as today.
Women and their non-grown-up problems.
And I hate people who judge others so easily...as if it's granted.
Believe me, what goes around comes around.
I'll tolerate it again. I'll try to be patient once more.
But don't come to me anymore. Don't even try provoking me.
Not to tell me that I'm not there enough nor to tell me that I'm here too much.
You know what? Even gossiping women at work aren't as bad as THIS.
I've never wanted to yell 'leave me alone' as much as now.
And I've never hated women as much as today.
Women and their non-grown-up problems.
And I hate people who judge others so easily...as if it's granted.
Believe me, what goes around comes around.
I'll tolerate it again. I'll try to be patient once more.
But don't come to me anymore. Don't even try provoking me.
Not to tell me that I'm not there enough nor to tell me that I'm here too much.
You know what? Even gossiping women at work aren't as bad as THIS.
10.10.08
Grab Your Legs and Run
Do I hate running? No. Well, yes. But only when it gets out of hand...when I'm running to catch up, but never seem to be able to. Right now, I'm feeling like I'm running to nowhere. Plus, I'm late. I hate studying. No, I don't hate studying that much. I hate that I have to study for things that I believe to be useless. Like a philosophy about nursing. Like research in nursing. I hate research. I hate models. For god's sake! I work in a surgical unit. I run. But it'll eventually get to a result. I hate models because they're just like bullshit talks that means nothing, because it's actually not applicable on a surgical unit! Not in an ICU unit! Not in the OR, not in the ER, nowhere that need you to run. It's for community service. Fine, but at the moment, it's really not the time.
It's the time for nothing. There's this dinner over my house this evening: a kind of gathering with friends. I proposed them to come here instead of going to eat outside. I hate eating out. Because, I'm always eating out! But, it's really not the moment.
I need to be alone, I want to be alone. I want to stay in bed, cuddled with my three blankets. I don't need anyone at the moment!
But fine, I'll try to get my bad mood out on the food today and actually cook, 'cuz it's been so long since I last bake. And they better not burn tonight.
Among all this, do you know what bothers me the most? It's to be doing the same stupid thing in a certain period of time. For instance, when I had to work full time and only work. Now that I do both, I can't catch up, because it's more than 40 hours per week. It's... it became part of me.
There's no balance. I need balance. I can't only be focusing on one thing in my life, I need to juggle, but only when it's well balanced. And I'm already late. Which makes me even more late. That's why I can't catch up. But I can't give up either. But I need rest. But it'll be over soon. Just got to hang on, right?
The bubble can't burst just yet.
Oh, I'm addicted to Grey's anatomy since...few days ago. Caught this while watching an episode,
"The thing about addiction, it's that it never ends well because eventually, whatever that as getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. They say that you don't kick the bad habit until you hit the rock. But how do you know when you would get there? Because no matter how badly the thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting go hurts even worse." Meredith Grey.
I probably skipped on a few works or just go them wrong.
Edit//
Oh you know what? It wasn't that bad. The cooking was messing so was the cleaning ,such a chore, but everyone helped. I have cheese on my bedroom floor and probably garlic too. And then...we talked about serious stuff like fiance and marriage They immediately pointed out that I'd be the first and Jade'd be the second. Woah. If it's based on who got a bf first...ah then, maybe in 10 years...Who knows, it might be the opposite. Anyways, after Jade, they're no idea who will be next among them. -lol-
It's the time for nothing. There's this dinner over my house this evening: a kind of gathering with friends. I proposed them to come here instead of going to eat outside. I hate eating out. Because, I'm always eating out! But, it's really not the moment.
I need to be alone, I want to be alone. I want to stay in bed, cuddled with my three blankets. I don't need anyone at the moment!
But fine, I'll try to get my bad mood out on the food today and actually cook, 'cuz it's been so long since I last bake. And they better not burn tonight.
Among all this, do you know what bothers me the most? It's to be doing the same stupid thing in a certain period of time. For instance, when I had to work full time and only work. Now that I do both, I can't catch up, because it's more than 40 hours per week. It's... it became part of me.
There's no balance. I need balance. I can't only be focusing on one thing in my life, I need to juggle, but only when it's well balanced. And I'm already late. Which makes me even more late. That's why I can't catch up. But I can't give up either. But I need rest. But it'll be over soon. Just got to hang on, right?
The bubble can't burst just yet.
Oh, I'm addicted to Grey's anatomy since...few days ago. Caught this while watching an episode,
"The thing about addiction, it's that it never ends well because eventually, whatever that as getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. They say that you don't kick the bad habit until you hit the rock. But how do you know when you would get there? Because no matter how badly the thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting go hurts even worse." Meredith Grey.
I probably skipped on a few works or just go them wrong.
Edit//
Oh you know what? It wasn't that bad. The cooking was messing so was the cleaning ,such a chore, but everyone helped. I have cheese on my bedroom floor and probably garlic too. And then...we talked about serious stuff like fiance and marriage They immediately pointed out that I'd be the first and Jade'd be the second. Woah. If it's based on who got a bf first...ah then, maybe in 10 years...Who knows, it might be the opposite. Anyways, after Jade, they're no idea who will be next among them. -lol-
6.10.08
She Hates October
It's getting cooler...but it's not a fun cold. I like winter though...but in October, life always seems to go wrong. I get upset more easily, feeling down. What do you want? The Sun is less out there. You know, all the theories about how the light can affects your mood. What...it has been over 3 weeks that I didn't really get to sleep passed 8am. Ah geez.(I'll get back to this tomorrow, when I'd be more awake...now I'm almost falling asleep on my laptop. Talking about hitting the gym when you're lacking sleep(stupid extra working hours). Still, treadmills and steppers wake me up better than coffee...but still bring me to my bed by nine. See you). Oh, a side note in case I don't come back. Friends always have a way to make you laugh whenever, wherever. We fool around, we eat out, we study, we shop, we watch movies, we run, we complain, and listen to each other. -lol- *winks*
1.10.08
Get a Life
I've been wanting to write down some words, but I don't know what to say. There's too much, yet after all, it's still insignificant.
I'm having a hard time catching up with my current life beat. Working, attending classes, and studying for the OIIQ exam plus for school turn me into a no-life loser. All right, the OIIQ exam is over, but because of that, I keep on being behind my lectures. By the time I get home, I'm tired and bored, so my reading pace is way too slow to catch up. No matter how much sleep I've had, I'd end up tired by the afternoon and nap.
Thought about doing an activity out of the ordinary, so that there's a change in daily routine, but it doesn't fit in the schedule.
At the hospital, the department opened up 10 beds, therefore, they need an extra nurse all the time.
At home, my grandfather came here from the US about a week ago...but I wasn't even feeling thrilled by this or not even slightly overjoyed. What I expected to happen did. Mom told stories between my grandmother and her to my grandfather's wife and the snowball just got bigger. I didn't quite hear what they say because I didn't want to listen, but with 2 sentences I knew she was starting it. What happened the following day? Dad was mad at Mom for spreading these 'rumors' out. I understand her disappointment, but there's some things you just can't say to certain people whatever the reason is. At 20's, you're learning it. At 50's, you should already know it. There're family dinners from time to time, but Mom forbids me to go, that's tomorrow. There was one at the restaurant yesterday, but I didn't go. I didn't want to be there. There're some words I won't want to hear, some acts I don't want to witness.
Spending most of my time around the same people due to school or because well, they're always around and 'cuz they're family -oh and I love them much much, but seeing other people gives me some air, which should be healthy (sicky elders ah), but aren't events made to not work the way you had planned them to?
In the end, I don't know what I should do to be less of a no-life. When I want to find some space to escape, I seem to end up with nothing satisfying.
There's a lot to say...
few people who listen,
but only needs one who understands.
On a side note, I miss the beach and hot weather. Sun-burning, eating different seafood dishes (for less than 10$), read, and sleep. It only lasted 3 days in my whole 1month and a half trip.
I'm having a hard time catching up with my current life beat. Working, attending classes, and studying for the OIIQ exam plus for school turn me into a no-life loser. All right, the OIIQ exam is over, but because of that, I keep on being behind my lectures. By the time I get home, I'm tired and bored, so my reading pace is way too slow to catch up. No matter how much sleep I've had, I'd end up tired by the afternoon and nap.
Thought about doing an activity out of the ordinary, so that there's a change in daily routine, but it doesn't fit in the schedule.
At the hospital, the department opened up 10 beds, therefore, they need an extra nurse all the time.
At home, my grandfather came here from the US about a week ago...but I wasn't even feeling thrilled by this or not even slightly overjoyed. What I expected to happen did. Mom told stories between my grandmother and her to my grandfather's wife and the snowball just got bigger. I didn't quite hear what they say because I didn't want to listen, but with 2 sentences I knew she was starting it. What happened the following day? Dad was mad at Mom for spreading these 'rumors' out. I understand her disappointment, but there's some things you just can't say to certain people whatever the reason is. At 20's, you're learning it. At 50's, you should already know it. There're family dinners from time to time, but Mom forbids me to go, that's tomorrow. There was one at the restaurant yesterday, but I didn't go. I didn't want to be there. There're some words I won't want to hear, some acts I don't want to witness.
Spending most of my time around the same people due to school or because well, they're always around and 'cuz they're family -oh and I love them much much, but seeing other people gives me some air, which should be healthy (sicky elders ah), but aren't events made to not work the way you had planned them to?
In the end, I don't know what I should do to be less of a no-life. When I want to find some space to escape, I seem to end up with nothing satisfying.
There's a lot to say...
few people who listen,
but only needs one who understands.
On a side note, I miss the beach and hot weather. Sun-burning, eating different seafood dishes (for less than 10$), read, and sleep. It only lasted 3 days in my whole 1month and a half trip.
Vietnam - Hoi An
10.9.08
Les Études
Une amie s'est confiée.
Une nouvelle étape dans notre vie est entamée, cela fait donc un peu plus d'une semaine qu'on est entrée à l'université...mais...la famille nous fait la morale, les amies aussi sur notre vie personnelle. Ces personnes qui sont supposées être présentes pour nous supporter préfèrent par contre nous juger.
Priorités obligent, on essaye de notre mieux de refouler ces problèmes ou les enterrer bien au fond de nous et c'est ainsi qu'on veut que ça demeure...mais ces gens persistent avec leurs idées. Ne comprennent-ils pas que cela suffit de s'occuper des patients (par obligation, faut ben vivre), d'assister à nos cours, de faire nos lectures (avec des notes à écrire...et la chimie en anglais c'est quelque chose!) puis en même temps, essayer de poursuivre notre étude pour obtenir enfin notre permis de pratique après trois ans de technique?
Voyez, ce n'est pas le temps de nous en mettre plus. Elle en pleure...et je perds une bonne heure de sommeil. Minus le temps que de mon insomnie à cause de la douleur au rein (dépendant des nuits, c'est D ou G), ah que j'ai hâte aux examens diagnostics et aux traitements qui vont s'en suivre. Écoeurée la fille.
C'est notre période d'hibernation...à nous, deux oursons bruns (pense pas que les ours polaire ca hiberne...quoique...). Rien n'est plus réconfortant que de rentrer chez soi...de retrouver notre chambre et notre lit. La maison en tant que telle est bof. Elle aussi veut décamper et comme moi, si ce n'est pas parce qu'on est dans l'incapacité de payer les factures de loyer, d'électricité, internet, etc...On ne serait plus là...parce que quand même, c'est nous qui payons notre scolarité.
Bon, assez plaintifs les derniers écrits, mais c'est rare que je tappe sur mon clavier parce que je suis contente.
Oh, j'ai un nouvel ami dans ma chambre. Un autre 'ti betta tout beau tout drôle quand il nage...même quand il s'écrase dans le fond du bocal sans roche. Pense pas qu'il déménagera finalement. En tout cas, y'es mieux de pas mourir trop tôt...je l'aime bien =D
Une nouvelle étape dans notre vie est entamée, cela fait donc un peu plus d'une semaine qu'on est entrée à l'université...mais...la famille nous fait la morale, les amies aussi sur notre vie personnelle. Ces personnes qui sont supposées être présentes pour nous supporter préfèrent par contre nous juger.
Priorités obligent, on essaye de notre mieux de refouler ces problèmes ou les enterrer bien au fond de nous et c'est ainsi qu'on veut que ça demeure...mais ces gens persistent avec leurs idées. Ne comprennent-ils pas que cela suffit de s'occuper des patients (par obligation, faut ben vivre), d'assister à nos cours, de faire nos lectures (avec des notes à écrire...et la chimie en anglais c'est quelque chose!) puis en même temps, essayer de poursuivre notre étude pour obtenir enfin notre permis de pratique après trois ans de technique?
Voyez, ce n'est pas le temps de nous en mettre plus. Elle en pleure...et je perds une bonne heure de sommeil. Minus le temps que de mon insomnie à cause de la douleur au rein (dépendant des nuits, c'est D ou G), ah que j'ai hâte aux examens diagnostics et aux traitements qui vont s'en suivre. Écoeurée la fille.
C'est notre période d'hibernation...à nous, deux oursons bruns (pense pas que les ours polaire ca hiberne...quoique...). Rien n'est plus réconfortant que de rentrer chez soi...de retrouver notre chambre et notre lit. La maison en tant que telle est bof. Elle aussi veut décamper et comme moi, si ce n'est pas parce qu'on est dans l'incapacité de payer les factures de loyer, d'électricité, internet, etc...On ne serait plus là...parce que quand même, c'est nous qui payons notre scolarité.
Bon, assez plaintifs les derniers écrits, mais c'est rare que je tappe sur mon clavier parce que je suis contente.
Oh, j'ai un nouvel ami dans ma chambre. Un autre 'ti betta tout beau tout drôle quand il nage...même quand il s'écrase dans le fond du bocal sans roche. Pense pas qu'il déménagera finalement. En tout cas, y'es mieux de pas mourir trop tôt...je l'aime bien =D
Euh...
Une amie s'est confiée.
Une nouvelle étape dans notre vie est entamée, cela fait donc un peu plus d'une semaine qu'on est entrée à l'université...mais...la famille nous fait la morale, les amies aussi sur notre vie personnelle. Ces personnes qui sont supposées être présentes pour nous supporter préfèrent par contre nous juger.
Priorités obligent, on essaye de notre mieux de refouler ces problèmes ou les enterrer bien au fond de nous et c'est ainsi qu'on veut que ça demeure...mais ces gens persistent avec leurs idées. Ne comprennent-ils pas que cela suffit de s'occuper des patients (par obligation, faut ben vivre), d'assister à nos cours, de faire nos lectures (avec des notes à écrire...et la chimie en anglais c'est quelque chose!) puis en même temps, essayer de poursuivre notre étude pour obtenir enfin notre permis de pratique après trois ans de technique?
Voyez, ce n'est pas le temps de nous en mettre plus. Elle en pleure...et je perds une bonne heure de sommeil. Minus le temps que de mon insomnie à cause de la douleur au rein (dépendant des nuits, c'est D ou G), ah que j'ai hâte aux examens diagnostics et aux traitements qui vont s'en suivre. Écoeurée la fille.
C'est notre période d'hibernation...à nous, deux oursons bruns (pense pas que les ours polaire ca hiberne...quoique...). Rien n'est plus réconfortant que de rentrer chez soi...de retrouver notre chambre et notre lit. La maison en tant que telle est bof. Elle aussi veut décamper et comme moi, si ce n'est pas parce qu'on est dans l'incapacité de payer les factures de loyer, d'électricité, internet, etc...On ne serait plus là...parce que quand même, c'est nous qui payons notre scolarité.
Bon, assez plaintifs les derniers écrits, mais c'est rare que je tappe sur mon clavier parce que je suis contente.
Oh, j'ai un nouvel ami dans ma chambre. Un autre 'ti betta tout beau tout drôle quand il nage...même quand il s'écrase dans le fond du bocal sans roche. Pense pas qu'il déménagera finalement. En tout cas, y'es mieux de pas mourir trop tôt...je l'aime bien =D
Une nouvelle étape dans notre vie est entamée, cela fait donc un peu plus d'une semaine qu'on est entrée à l'université...mais...la famille nous fait la morale, les amies aussi sur notre vie personnelle. Ces personnes qui sont supposées être présentes pour nous supporter préfèrent par contre nous juger.
Priorités obligent, on essaye de notre mieux de refouler ces problèmes ou les enterrer bien au fond de nous et c'est ainsi qu'on veut que ça demeure...mais ces gens persistent avec leurs idées. Ne comprennent-ils pas que cela suffit de s'occuper des patients (par obligation, faut ben vivre), d'assister à nos cours, de faire nos lectures (avec des notes à écrire...et la chimie en anglais c'est quelque chose!) puis en même temps, essayer de poursuivre notre étude pour obtenir enfin notre permis de pratique après trois ans de technique?
Voyez, ce n'est pas le temps de nous en mettre plus. Elle en pleure...et je perds une bonne heure de sommeil. Minus le temps que de mon insomnie à cause de la douleur au rein (dépendant des nuits, c'est D ou G), ah que j'ai hâte aux examens diagnostics et aux traitements qui vont s'en suivre. Écoeurée la fille.
C'est notre période d'hibernation...à nous, deux oursons bruns (pense pas que les ours polaire ca hiberne...quoique...). Rien n'est plus réconfortant que de rentrer chez soi...de retrouver notre chambre et notre lit. La maison en tant que telle est bof. Elle aussi veut décamper et comme moi, si ce n'est pas parce qu'on est dans l'incapacité de payer les factures de loyer, d'électricité, internet, etc...On ne serait plus là...parce que quand même, c'est nous qui payons notre scolarité.
Bon, assez plaintifs les derniers écrits, mais c'est rare que je tappe sur mon clavier parce que je suis contente.
Oh, j'ai un nouvel ami dans ma chambre. Un autre 'ti betta tout beau tout drôle quand il nage...même quand il s'écrase dans le fond du bocal sans roche. Pense pas qu'il déménagera finalement. En tout cas, y'es mieux de pas mourir trop tôt...je l'aime bien =D
6.9.08
ByeBye
My first ever little companion, not really a roomate though, died 2 days ago. Ahh...just like human beings, he appeared to be better days before leaving me =( Found him dead after school...or maybe was he already dead in the morning?
A friend told me to flush it so it'd go see his other dead friends, but nah. Funny I guess, but instead I did a hole in the garden and put it in there. His skin suddenly turned so dark.
Ah, I'm freaking sick. Addidng to my kidney problems, I probably caught a cold...started with terrible headache and sore throat...a boo week, and then got to go to work this weekend, ah. Now, I'm having fever and coughed out green, ewww. I've never seen this! So, called to the Nursing telling them I can't go to work tomorrow and we'll see for sunday, later I'll have to call to my department. They'll really not be happy, but I guess it's better than giving this to my patients. The one picking up the phone in Nursing suggests that I need Vancomycin...holy bear, I must be crazy to be taking in so many antibiotics while working at the hospital! My immune system is probably so low by now which is why I got this cold out of nowhere. Alll the pills I'm taking for UTI is destroying my nice bacteria that are supposed to protect me buhhuhuhuh...where are they gone to?
Anyway...my kidneys and their tracts hurt so much in the middle of this night. Let's hope that my 2 upcoming exams will find the source of my health problems. So exhausted...and really...parents don't know..most friends don't know...bah.
Tomorrow....home...and in bed or studying.
A friend told me to flush it so it'd go see his other dead friends, but nah. Funny I guess, but instead I did a hole in the garden and put it in there. His skin suddenly turned so dark.
Ah, I'm freaking sick. Addidng to my kidney problems, I probably caught a cold...started with terrible headache and sore throat...a boo week, and then got to go to work this weekend, ah. Now, I'm having fever and coughed out green, ewww. I've never seen this! So, called to the Nursing telling them I can't go to work tomorrow and we'll see for sunday, later I'll have to call to my department. They'll really not be happy, but I guess it's better than giving this to my patients. The one picking up the phone in Nursing suggests that I need Vancomycin...holy bear, I must be crazy to be taking in so many antibiotics while working at the hospital! My immune system is probably so low by now which is why I got this cold out of nowhere. Alll the pills I'm taking for UTI is destroying my nice bacteria that are supposed to protect me buhhuhuhuh...where are they gone to?
Anyway...my kidneys and their tracts hurt so much in the middle of this night. Let's hope that my 2 upcoming exams will find the source of my health problems. So exhausted...and really...parents don't know..most friends don't know...bah.
Tomorrow....home...and in bed or studying.
3.9.08
Self Symptoms Analysis
...is dangerous and so worrisome. I knew it wasn't that simple. I mean, the result. At first, it was easy...it was only urinary tract infections, recurrent ones and it hurt but yeah, still urinary tract infection.
Then it started to hurt in my abdomen plus in the bladder, but it was new that it hurt specifically on the vertical...where the tract from the kidney to the bladder is. I thought it'd be so weird to get into a 'new' infection after being on antibiotics for over 15 days even if I skipped for 24 hours or so. Finding blood wasn't something new, though it doesn't actually happen every time I get UTI's. Then, I went for a routine test.
To my surprise, there's no bacteria! So what was that pain and nausea I've been feeling for the past few days, which eventually had left to me puke on my campus right in the morning? After discussing with my microbiologist, we think that I might have kidney stones that travelled out or in which caused the pain. And for that, I'd have to pass some more test.
It's really not the time for me to be hospitalise. It never is...so I just hope the stones are small enough to be destroyed through waves and be basically eliminate through a natural way.
I wonder if kidney stones had caused me to get reccurent UTI's or...did I get kidney stones due to the fact that I have recurrent UTI's? Because...both fits and so are the symptoms and that sucks.
Then it started to hurt in my abdomen plus in the bladder, but it was new that it hurt specifically on the vertical...where the tract from the kidney to the bladder is. I thought it'd be so weird to get into a 'new' infection after being on antibiotics for over 15 days even if I skipped for 24 hours or so. Finding blood wasn't something new, though it doesn't actually happen every time I get UTI's. Then, I went for a routine test.
To my surprise, there's no bacteria! So what was that pain and nausea I've been feeling for the past few days, which eventually had left to me puke on my campus right in the morning? After discussing with my microbiologist, we think that I might have kidney stones that travelled out or in which caused the pain. And for that, I'd have to pass some more test.
It's really not the time for me to be hospitalise. It never is...so I just hope the stones are small enough to be destroyed through waves and be basically eliminate through a natural way.
I wonder if kidney stones had caused me to get reccurent UTI's or...did I get kidney stones due to the fact that I have recurrent UTI's? Because...both fits and so are the symptoms and that sucks.
2.9.08
Down The Road
e qui se passe...? Certaines choses ont tendance à prendre plus d'envergure que ça devrait. Et, il y a des journées comme ça (ou plutôt, semaines) que rien ne va comme on le veut. Les problèmes semblent choisir les pires moments pour te sauter en plein face en même temps.
C'est là que je trouve les relations interpersonnelles si compliquées à gérer. Quand tu te fais blamer pour ci ou pour ça, pas nécessairement que l'autre personne à tort, oh que ça peut devenir étouffant. Confronter les persones c'est une chose. Sans nécessairement régler le problème, ça demande effectivement un minimum de confiance. Ne pas vraiment trouver de solutions parce que les choses ne font que se compliquer...oh que ca devient de plus en plus difficile à respirer...et étourdissant!
On essaye d'aller quelque part pour se confier, pour trouver une porte de secours, et heureusement, on peut trouver en quelque part quelqu'un d'assez ouvert d'esprit, mais pourquoi cela ne suffit pas? Alors, se peut-il que ce n'est pas tout à fait de ce support qu'on a de besoin? Qu'on cherche autre chose...ce qu'on ne peut tout à fait atteindre.
Sauf que, il y a toujours quelque chose qui fait en sorte qu'il y a des mots qui doivent rester secrets, des phrases qu'on ne peut pas prononcer.
Maintenant, le corps est trop faible pour bouger plus. Je ne veux qu'hiberner dans mon propre nid et...me reposer. Ni voir...ni entendre la voix d'autres personnes autour de moi, malgré qu'elles ont été si proches et le demeurent encore probablement.
Être seule, des fois c'est un bon traitement. D
C'est là que je trouve les relations interpersonnelles si compliquées à gérer. Quand tu te fais blamer pour ci ou pour ça, pas nécessairement que l'autre personne à tort, oh que ça peut devenir étouffant. Confronter les persones c'est une chose. Sans nécessairement régler le problème, ça demande effectivement un minimum de confiance. Ne pas vraiment trouver de solutions parce que les choses ne font que se compliquer...oh que ca devient de plus en plus difficile à respirer...et étourdissant!
On essaye d'aller quelque part pour se confier, pour trouver une porte de secours, et heureusement, on peut trouver en quelque part quelqu'un d'assez ouvert d'esprit, mais pourquoi cela ne suffit pas? Alors, se peut-il que ce n'est pas tout à fait de ce support qu'on a de besoin? Qu'on cherche autre chose...ce qu'on ne peut tout à fait atteindre.
Sauf que, il y a toujours quelque chose qui fait en sorte qu'il y a des mots qui doivent rester secrets, des phrases qu'on ne peut pas prononcer.
Maintenant, le corps est trop faible pour bouger plus. Je ne veux qu'hiberner dans mon propre nid et...me reposer. Ni voir...ni entendre la voix d'autres personnes autour de moi, malgré qu'elles ont été si proches et le demeurent encore probablement.
Être seule, des fois c'est un bon traitement. D
8.8.08
Partir En Paix
Depuis environ une semaine, il y a cette patiente dont je m'occupe qui est en phase terminale de cancer, mais a subi une facture au niveau de la hanche. La famille et le médecin on décidé de ne pas l'opérer. Contrairement aux autres patients en soin palliatif que j'ai eu, elle était encore très alerte et est bien consciente de ce qui se passe autour d'elle. D'ailleurs, sa famille est très présente, jamais elle passe 1 heure seule.
J'adore son humour, elle aime socialiser et collabore très bien aux changements de positions, même si cela lui est très douloureux. Madame m'a surnommé 'la méchante' parce que j'arrive la plupart du temps avec la drogue qui brûle à chaque injection, mais qui lui enlève une partie de la douleur. C'est aussi moi qui l'oblige par moment de dormir sur l'autre côté. Grande fumeuse comme elle l'était, je m'amuse à dire qu'elle fume par la peau avec son patch de nicotine que je change à tous les matins.
Et voilà, trois jours ont passé, j'ai senti que sa situation se détériore. Elle dort de plus en plus, socialise de moins en moins. La semaine dernière a été très dure pour moi et c'est en quelque sorte grâce à elle que j'ai retrouvé mon fun au travail. J'aime ça quand je peux niaiser avec mes patients et leur famille!
Plusieurs patients que j'ai jadis soigné ont finit par décéder sur le département. Une majorité de la clientèle fait partie de l'âge dor...c'est donc normal. Ne m'étant pas vraiment attaché, la plupart du temps c'est ainsi mieux pour que de 'vivre' sans qualité de vie. Que faire quand ils te disent que mourir est leur voeux?
Mais là, j'ai peur de perdre cette patiente. Hier, elle semblait avoir une douleur au niveau de la poitrine, j'ai capoté sachant très bien qu'Elle ne sera pas réanimer. Enfin, problème plutôt pulmonaire que cardiaque, en mettant de l'oxygène, elle s'est mieux sentie.
J'espèr que demain, je pourrai encore m'occuper d'elle.
If it's too late, then please rest in peace.
Edit// 08-08-14
J'ai eu deux journées de congé et puis mardi en soirée, ca m'a soudainement pris que quelque chose pourrait se passer. En fait, une de mes patiente est décédée mardi et celle dans l'histoire est morte mercredi, les deux pendant le jour. J'ignore ce que j'aurais pu dire à la famille de ces deux familles, seulement, jj'aurais peut-être aimé pouvoir leur dire un dernier au revoir. Ce n'est pas le premier décès, mais ça fait tout drôle d'être en contact avec la mort si régulièrement.
J'adore son humour, elle aime socialiser et collabore très bien aux changements de positions, même si cela lui est très douloureux. Madame m'a surnommé 'la méchante' parce que j'arrive la plupart du temps avec la drogue qui brûle à chaque injection, mais qui lui enlève une partie de la douleur. C'est aussi moi qui l'oblige par moment de dormir sur l'autre côté. Grande fumeuse comme elle l'était, je m'amuse à dire qu'elle fume par la peau avec son patch de nicotine que je change à tous les matins.
Et voilà, trois jours ont passé, j'ai senti que sa situation se détériore. Elle dort de plus en plus, socialise de moins en moins. La semaine dernière a été très dure pour moi et c'est en quelque sorte grâce à elle que j'ai retrouvé mon fun au travail. J'aime ça quand je peux niaiser avec mes patients et leur famille!
Plusieurs patients que j'ai jadis soigné ont finit par décéder sur le département. Une majorité de la clientèle fait partie de l'âge dor...c'est donc normal. Ne m'étant pas vraiment attaché, la plupart du temps c'est ainsi mieux pour que de 'vivre' sans qualité de vie. Que faire quand ils te disent que mourir est leur voeux?
Mais là, j'ai peur de perdre cette patiente. Hier, elle semblait avoir une douleur au niveau de la poitrine, j'ai capoté sachant très bien qu'Elle ne sera pas réanimer. Enfin, problème plutôt pulmonaire que cardiaque, en mettant de l'oxygène, elle s'est mieux sentie.
J'espèr que demain, je pourrai encore m'occuper d'elle.
If it's too late, then please rest in peace.
Edit// 08-08-14
J'ai eu deux journées de congé et puis mardi en soirée, ca m'a soudainement pris que quelque chose pourrait se passer. En fait, une de mes patiente est décédée mardi et celle dans l'histoire est morte mercredi, les deux pendant le jour. J'ignore ce que j'aurais pu dire à la famille de ces deux familles, seulement, jj'aurais peut-être aimé pouvoir leur dire un dernier au revoir. Ce n'est pas le premier décès, mais ça fait tout drôle d'être en contact avec la mort si régulièrement.
21.7.08
Overdose
Overdose (Jul 21, 2008 7:15 pm)
I think that I'm having an overdose of old-experienced nurses.
In Vietnam, they look down on you for being a young little student and wouldn't listen to your suggestions to improve some bad habits without counterargumenting in such a way that you would just want to vanish in the air.
Here, they are just plain hypocrite, not forgetting to mention that they are such bitchy women. Doesn't matter if they said they appreciate your work a year ago; forget about them telling you they had missed you.
A year later, no matter if you work well or not, just a single mistake and they complain about you among their coworkers. It was her first try, she just moved to the night shift.
That friend who told me these women changed, I didn't believe her until today. They probably were always like this. I just didn't notice that they would behave differently depending on your work title. And believe me, if they didn't have a good impression of you from the start, oh how they can be mean.
I chose to go back to this department because I was familiar with everyone. But, it's no longer as fun. My itchy elbows lasted the whole time I was in Vietnam and suddently disappear when I came back to Montreal. For a reason so not unknown to me, the itchiness is coming back.
What were they thinking when they joined me with 4 different nurses to work with? I spend half on my time adapting myself to *that* nurse's way of working. The schedule in my mind would get fully messed-up. I would lose time walking back and forth in the department, unable to fully structure my work.
And I hate the fact that there's no doctor who's full time on the department (unlike the emergency rooms or intensive care unit). There, if you ever want something, you'll get it immediately. Doctors really need you there. All you have to do is, think fast and act fast, but be smart.
As a student, I could discuss directly with the doctor about my patient. At the moment, I have to talk to my nurse, who speaks to the assistant chief, who calls the doctor...Geez!! Just having Tylenol prescribed...took... well, in the end, I never got them prescribed, even though they were given. What the hell? You see, a nurse told me it was all right to give Tylenol without prescription (just, get them prescribed after). Then, the next morning, another nurse said I couldn't.
Please, get your facts straight before agreeing on teaching someone! Because, after all, I'm the one who signed the medication sheet.
In fact, I hate it when there's always someone behind checking on, no, worse, following me. It's much more difficult for you to gain self-confidence when every move you make would be judged and later discussed among themselves.
And you know why they are hypocrite? Because although complaining about you behind your back, they'd come up to you saying, 'you did a good job'.
This makes me an hypocrite too.
Glad that there're only 15 days left being supervised by them. Then, probably going on night shifts. By then, I'd so hate my mornings. That's when the elder nurses would knock you down. On the other hand, they were the ones who taught you all this while. At least, I hope, I'd be working with my friend.
Ah, how it feels blah to sleep-eat-work and again.
After reaching home, all I wanted to do is jump on my bike and get lost somewhere in the park. I miss the sun, the fresh air, the green trees and the blue beahc. Being away from people and their talk. VN is a memory in itself, but wasn't exactly the vacation I've longed since these past 3 years and more.
Work is great when you enjoy it, but it'd still never end. So. it's even better when you can take a rest once in a while. But, what can you do when yours has just begun?
I guess, a book and some music will do the trick for now.
(Barely 10pm and has to go to bed because my oh-so-nice nurse wants me to be on the unit before 7h30 to read folders. The only problem is, they are only available by 8h30. Night shifts nurses need the folders to complete their notes!!!! She probably spent too much time being an assistant nurse that she forgot. Oh-no.)
I think that I'm having an overdose of old-experienced nurses.
In Vietnam, they look down on you for being a young little student and wouldn't listen to your suggestions to improve some bad habits without counterargumenting in such a way that you would just want to vanish in the air.
Here, they are just plain hypocrite, not forgetting to mention that they are such bitchy women. Doesn't matter if they said they appreciate your work a year ago; forget about them telling you they had missed you.
A year later, no matter if you work well or not, just a single mistake and they complain about you among their coworkers. It was her first try, she just moved to the night shift.
That friend who told me these women changed, I didn't believe her until today. They probably were always like this. I just didn't notice that they would behave differently depending on your work title. And believe me, if they didn't have a good impression of you from the start, oh how they can be mean.
I chose to go back to this department because I was familiar with everyone. But, it's no longer as fun. My itchy elbows lasted the whole time I was in Vietnam and suddently disappear when I came back to Montreal. For a reason so not unknown to me, the itchiness is coming back.
What were they thinking when they joined me with 4 different nurses to work with? I spend half on my time adapting myself to *that* nurse's way of working. The schedule in my mind would get fully messed-up. I would lose time walking back and forth in the department, unable to fully structure my work.
And I hate the fact that there's no doctor who's full time on the department (unlike the emergency rooms or intensive care unit). There, if you ever want something, you'll get it immediately. Doctors really need you there. All you have to do is, think fast and act fast, but be smart.
As a student, I could discuss directly with the doctor about my patient. At the moment, I have to talk to my nurse, who speaks to the assistant chief, who calls the doctor...Geez!! Just having Tylenol prescribed...took... well, in the end, I never got them prescribed, even though they were given. What the hell? You see, a nurse told me it was all right to give Tylenol without prescription (just, get them prescribed after). Then, the next morning, another nurse said I couldn't.
Please, get your facts straight before agreeing on teaching someone! Because, after all, I'm the one who signed the medication sheet.
In fact, I hate it when there's always someone behind checking on, no, worse, following me. It's much more difficult for you to gain self-confidence when every move you make would be judged and later discussed among themselves.
And you know why they are hypocrite? Because although complaining about you behind your back, they'd come up to you saying, 'you did a good job'.
This makes me an hypocrite too.
Glad that there're only 15 days left being supervised by them. Then, probably going on night shifts. By then, I'd so hate my mornings. That's when the elder nurses would knock you down. On the other hand, they were the ones who taught you all this while. At least, I hope, I'd be working with my friend.
Ah, how it feels blah to sleep-eat-work and again.
After reaching home, all I wanted to do is jump on my bike and get lost somewhere in the park. I miss the sun, the fresh air, the green trees and the blue beahc. Being away from people and their talk. VN is a memory in itself, but wasn't exactly the vacation I've longed since these past 3 years and more.
Work is great when you enjoy it, but it'd still never end. So. it's even better when you can take a rest once in a while. But, what can you do when yours has just begun?
I guess, a book and some music will do the trick for now.
(Barely 10pm and has to go to bed because my oh-so-nice nurse wants me to be on the unit before 7h30 to read folders. The only problem is, they are only available by 8h30. Night shifts nurses need the folders to complete their notes!!!! She probably spent too much time being an assistant nurse that she forgot. Oh-no.)
13.7.08
Wedding Vows
De retour au travail, je pensais que mon infirmière allait être libérée, mais non, il manque trop de personnel, alors j'ai déjà des patients. Ce n'est pas si grave en fait, vu que sur 5 lits, 1 est fermé, donc il n'en reste que trois vu qu'une des patiente s'est ramassée aux soins intensifs durant la nuit.
Bref, c'est étonnant ce qu'on peut observer chez les patients. Et, on avait devant nos yeux ce que ces mots signifient réellement: " I take you to be my (wife/husband), best friend, partner and lover. I will honor and respect our bond and love you more each day. I will trust you, laugh with you and share your tears with you. Always by your side in good times and bad, regardless of challenges we may meet. I give you my heart, my love, my hand in all our days together. "
Commençons donc cette histoire de cas. La patiente est connue pour entre autre le VIH, l'hépatite C, kératose, narcomane, schizo et un certain problème de peau qui lui donnait des boutons partout accompagnés de démangeaison généralisée. Ah...c'est alors qu'elle se rend à l'extérieur du bâtiment pour fumer et lorsqu'elle est revenue dans sa chambre, on a reçu des plaintes pour incontinence fécale sur le plancher de l'entrée avec le dessert dans sa chambre.
Suite à la réprimande par l'assiante inf. chef, elle s'est agitée et voulait signer un refus de traitement. J'avais à peine eu le temps de lui administrer ses médicaments qu'elle voulait redescendre en bas pour fumer; moi, me disant qu'elle ne remontera pas. À ma surprise, son copain a réussi à la convaincre de rester.
C'est alors que son cher ami vient me dire que si on est pour la chicaner, qu'on le chicane lui.
Durant toute la journée, j'avais des crèmes à lui appliquer sur TOUT le corps, mais elle n'est jamais présente dans sa chambre! Finalement, 15 min avant de partir, on a montré à son copain comment mettre la crème sur elle. Je lui ai donc offert une pair de gants (j'aime pas trop ça beurrer le monde inconnu sans gants) et il me répond, " ça fait déjà 2 ans et demi, si je suis pour être contaminé, je le suis déjà ".
Il passe son temps à l'accompagner à ses vocations de fumer, à lui acheter de la nourriture en extra, à la laver, à la réconforter...vraiment, pour toute cette misère, wow.
C'est impressonnant comment ces gens peuvent voir cette étincelle de bonheur malgré le fait qu'ils savent qu'aucun futur n'existe au fond.
Bref, c'est étonnant ce qu'on peut observer chez les patients. Et, on avait devant nos yeux ce que ces mots signifient réellement: " I take you to be my (wife/husband), best friend, partner and lover. I will honor and respect our bond and love you more each day. I will trust you, laugh with you and share your tears with you. Always by your side in good times and bad, regardless of challenges we may meet. I give you my heart, my love, my hand in all our days together. "
Commençons donc cette histoire de cas. La patiente est connue pour entre autre le VIH, l'hépatite C, kératose, narcomane, schizo et un certain problème de peau qui lui donnait des boutons partout accompagnés de démangeaison généralisée. Ah...c'est alors qu'elle se rend à l'extérieur du bâtiment pour fumer et lorsqu'elle est revenue dans sa chambre, on a reçu des plaintes pour incontinence fécale sur le plancher de l'entrée avec le dessert dans sa chambre.
Suite à la réprimande par l'assiante inf. chef, elle s'est agitée et voulait signer un refus de traitement. J'avais à peine eu le temps de lui administrer ses médicaments qu'elle voulait redescendre en bas pour fumer; moi, me disant qu'elle ne remontera pas. À ma surprise, son copain a réussi à la convaincre de rester.
C'est alors que son cher ami vient me dire que si on est pour la chicaner, qu'on le chicane lui.
Durant toute la journée, j'avais des crèmes à lui appliquer sur TOUT le corps, mais elle n'est jamais présente dans sa chambre! Finalement, 15 min avant de partir, on a montré à son copain comment mettre la crème sur elle. Je lui ai donc offert une pair de gants (j'aime pas trop ça beurrer le monde inconnu sans gants) et il me répond, " ça fait déjà 2 ans et demi, si je suis pour être contaminé, je le suis déjà ".
Il passe son temps à l'accompagner à ses vocations de fumer, à lui acheter de la nourriture en extra, à la laver, à la réconforter...vraiment, pour toute cette misère, wow.
C'est impressonnant comment ces gens peuvent voir cette étincelle de bonheur malgré le fait qu'ils savent qu'aucun futur n'existe au fond.
6.7.08
Insomnia or Jet Lag
And...so it's the end of my trip to my origin country and have yet to see Saigon. But it's all right, for I came back to a place I am so used to be. The air feels so fresh here and places seem so clean.
The last plane I took arrived at 16h45 at Montreal, but I only got out of the airport after six pm. The long flight going back home wasn't as bad as the one going to Vietnam even though I didn't get to sleep that much. Then, I rushed out to go on the bridge to meet my friends and watch the fireworks with them. Ah, missed them so bad. So happy to see them... spent great time being together again.
By now, I still have some friends to see, but at least, I've talked to them on the phone a bit.
I am so disoriented in time...sleeping around four am until 3pm (because a friend woke me up!!)...then still cannot fall asleep now that is already past 3am. I have to go to work in about 5 hours, bouhhouuu.
In Vietnam, I had insomnia...turning and turning, yet cannot find a comfortable position, missing something soft to hug (my lil dog), so when I got an extra pillow it became my teddy bear. Anyways, the bed was really hard for the back. Two weeks would have been all right, but six it gets terrible.
Wonder how long would the jetlag lasts...suppose it's one hour per day, it would take us about twelve days to recover.
Will get back to the pictures soon.
Now... am I starting to miss Vietnam? The people I lived with. Will I ever get the see them again?
The last plane I took arrived at 16h45 at Montreal, but I only got out of the airport after six pm. The long flight going back home wasn't as bad as the one going to Vietnam even though I didn't get to sleep that much. Then, I rushed out to go on the bridge to meet my friends and watch the fireworks with them. Ah, missed them so bad. So happy to see them... spent great time being together again.
By now, I still have some friends to see, but at least, I've talked to them on the phone a bit.
I am so disoriented in time...sleeping around four am until 3pm (because a friend woke me up!!)...then still cannot fall asleep now that is already past 3am. I have to go to work in about 5 hours, bouhhouuu.
In Vietnam, I had insomnia...turning and turning, yet cannot find a comfortable position, missing something soft to hug (my lil dog), so when I got an extra pillow it became my teddy bear. Anyways, the bed was really hard for the back. Two weeks would have been all right, but six it gets terrible.
Wonder how long would the jetlag lasts...suppose it's one hour per day, it would take us about twelve days to recover.
Will get back to the pictures soon.
Now... am I starting to miss Vietnam? The people I lived with. Will I ever get the see them again?
6.6.08
Useless
Is this humanity work?
What can we do?
I did not expect Vietnamese people to be so corrupted, not when they ask for improvement.
Nurses get paid illegally to give injection or change a dressing by the family members. Whenever they get complain, doctors and nurses do not have insurance, so they settle things with money.
Nurses do not interact with patients.
Nurses stay still on their butt from 10 to 14... after giving the first round of medication, they would wait for the second round to come.
Nurses do not give medication to reduce pain before changing the dressing even though they are in the burn department. (By the way, need to go)
What can we do?
I did not expect Vietnamese people to be so corrupted, not when they ask for improvement.
Nurses get paid illegally to give injection or change a dressing by the family members. Whenever they get complain, doctors and nurses do not have insurance, so they settle things with money.
Nurses do not interact with patients.
Nurses stay still on their butt from 10 to 14... after giving the first round of medication, they would wait for the second round to come.
Nurses do not give medication to reduce pain before changing the dressing even though they are in the burn department. (By the way, need to go)
2.6.08
Missing You
It is a once in a lifetime journey. For the first trip away from home, it is really far. Anyways, so a weak went by. I get terrible nauseas on any kind of transports. It was horrible on the plane. Our feet got so swollen just like our Oing-Oing pork friend. I also got nauseas in the car while going to Ha Long Bay.
It was very pretty though. The food on the boat was great. The hotel was very mundane, but everything got it price. Although rainy, the temperature was better than during the week, which was terribly hot. Through this trip and temperature, you get to understand how the little needs are important : eating, showering, sleeping, washing clothes, etc.
But, to be mostly the only one who translates the language is exhausting. We are working with people who knows only the basic of French so in the end, it is hard to explain nursing stuff to them. Nevertheless, it is nobodys fault. The patients are all very pitiful. I have never seen so much tears from my friends until now. And I was the first one who cried because I missed my mom.
I miss my mom when I am sick.... I guess, I am not really use to be taking care of so many people at the same time, including myself. They are very nice though. Without them, I would not be having this trip to Vietnam. I really miss home...especially when I eat Pho every morning at 8am as breakfast. I miss my friends from Montreal.
It was very pretty though. The food on the boat was great. The hotel was very mundane, but everything got it price. Although rainy, the temperature was better than during the week, which was terribly hot. Through this trip and temperature, you get to understand how the little needs are important : eating, showering, sleeping, washing clothes, etc.
But, to be mostly the only one who translates the language is exhausting. We are working with people who knows only the basic of French so in the end, it is hard to explain nursing stuff to them. Nevertheless, it is nobodys fault. The patients are all very pitiful. I have never seen so much tears from my friends until now. And I was the first one who cried because I missed my mom.
I miss my mom when I am sick.... I guess, I am not really use to be taking care of so many people at the same time, including myself. They are very nice though. Without them, I would not be having this trip to Vietnam. I really miss home...especially when I eat Pho every morning at 8am as breakfast. I miss my friends from Montreal.
16.5.08
Some Guys Just Don't Get It
These days, guys really piss me off.
Random guys that is.
Guys that would appear out of nowhere, ready to shoot bunch of lies to sweetened (thinking I might believe) their words, but do not get the message that there's nothing I want from them.
I'm not interested that is.
Firstly, there's someone who should stop calling, mostly because I don't pick up the phone, even less when it's freaking midnight. If you were my friend and it's 3am, I'd still pick up the phone and help you out, but he's not.
Secondly, why did my friend throw me a random guy she met at the metro? Within less than 3 hours of slow chatting, he managed to tell me that he got this special feeling of knowing me since a long time. Yeah right, I'm sorry, I just wanted to throw up as I was reading that. Don't tell me you'd miss me without even knowing who I am.
Then, there's this one. I got to know him about a year ago through a friend I was working with at the hospital last summer. A year ago, he did say he was interested, but I wasn't. It's not because a year went by that I'd get interested after seeing him once again. A year later, he was still as obvious, so straightforward that even someone as clueless as me got the message. At first, I was reluctant to hang out with him again, even though my friend at work told me he got a girlfriend...still you know, it'd be awkward. All right, he's someone nice. But wouldn't any nice guy do what he did in order to get his price at the end? After the little party was over, he drove my friend and me over to her house. Shortly after, I got an sms from him telling me he's grateful for that night. Too sleepy, I just closed the phone and went to sleep. Morning came, my friend wanted me to write him back to say thanks, which I did. At least, let's be polite, right? I'd have done it anyways, but I feared of having an invitation to go out. Guess what? Well, I did guess it right! He smsed back to ask if I'd want to go watch a movie or eat an ice cream, which I frustrately declined, duh.
I know I'm mean when I decline, I don't really give you a choice, it's just no.
Miji asked me if it's that obvious that he's still interested in me. Oh please. Our friend (the guy and mine) told me that he got an official girlfriend, but when Miji asked him how it's going with his girlfriend, he answered, that she isn't his official girlfriend. Wasn't it say for someone to hear it, although she was somewhat drunk?
But he has to know that's because I don't want to. And that I don't have any strength nor will to start playing around with him. Nowadays, as soon as I know there's some weird stranger being interested, I just cut it off. You're not my friend so you're not staying, shoo.
That guy and his girlfriend are having a long distance relationship. I don't quite believe that these relationships would work. Miji doesn't believe in his girlfriend's faithfulness. I told her I do. I still want to believe that human beings do not hurt their loved ones just for the pleasure of doing so. But we hear and see what we really want to, right?
Random guys that is.
Guys that would appear out of nowhere, ready to shoot bunch of lies to sweetened (thinking I might believe) their words, but do not get the message that there's nothing I want from them.
I'm not interested that is.
Firstly, there's someone who should stop calling, mostly because I don't pick up the phone, even less when it's freaking midnight. If you were my friend and it's 3am, I'd still pick up the phone and help you out, but he's not.
Secondly, why did my friend throw me a random guy she met at the metro? Within less than 3 hours of slow chatting, he managed to tell me that he got this special feeling of knowing me since a long time. Yeah right, I'm sorry, I just wanted to throw up as I was reading that. Don't tell me you'd miss me without even knowing who I am.
Then, there's this one. I got to know him about a year ago through a friend I was working with at the hospital last summer. A year ago, he did say he was interested, but I wasn't. It's not because a year went by that I'd get interested after seeing him once again. A year later, he was still as obvious, so straightforward that even someone as clueless as me got the message. At first, I was reluctant to hang out with him again, even though my friend at work told me he got a girlfriend...still you know, it'd be awkward. All right, he's someone nice. But wouldn't any nice guy do what he did in order to get his price at the end? After the little party was over, he drove my friend and me over to her house. Shortly after, I got an sms from him telling me he's grateful for that night. Too sleepy, I just closed the phone and went to sleep. Morning came, my friend wanted me to write him back to say thanks, which I did. At least, let's be polite, right? I'd have done it anyways, but I feared of having an invitation to go out. Guess what? Well, I did guess it right! He smsed back to ask if I'd want to go watch a movie or eat an ice cream, which I frustrately declined, duh.
I know I'm mean when I decline, I don't really give you a choice, it's just no.
Miji asked me if it's that obvious that he's still interested in me. Oh please. Our friend (the guy and mine) told me that he got an official girlfriend, but when Miji asked him how it's going with his girlfriend, he answered, that she isn't his official girlfriend. Wasn't it say for someone to hear it, although she was somewhat drunk?
But he has to know that's because I don't want to. And that I don't have any strength nor will to start playing around with him. Nowadays, as soon as I know there's some weird stranger being interested, I just cut it off. You're not my friend so you're not staying, shoo.
That guy and his girlfriend are having a long distance relationship. I don't quite believe that these relationships would work. Miji doesn't believe in his girlfriend's faithfulness. I told her I do. I still want to believe that human beings do not hurt their loved ones just for the pleasure of doing so. But we hear and see what we really want to, right?
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