24.1.08

Can Words Be Taken Back When Spoken?

*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better*.

*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan!, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

*While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.

*I was working in an aquarium, when some new guy who was recently hired was given the task of feeding the fish. He started throwing in friggin peanuts! I walked up to him, looking angry, and said to him, "Damn it! They can't digest that! All they can do is lick your nuts!". Needless to say, I quit.aa

How To Stay Married?

(Why isn't there an emotion called 'laughing'. I'm not necessarily happy...but I'm still laughing so much, weird huh?)

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.


She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should
just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst
with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

17.1.08

Nobody Knows It But Me

Probably for the past two weeks, I'm feeling so insecured. Out of nowhere, I'd be stressed just for no apparent reason...my legs would go shaky and I can't sit still without moving my legs or change position.

Then, thinking about it carefully, I guess I'm scared. There's something out there frightening me. I'm scared to lose...because I don't know.

When venturing into the unknown, it brings unsecurity and makes people scared. Each step I have to make, it gets even scarier.

As if looking ahead of me was a very very long tunnel that I can't see the light at the end, yet still go on.

Isn't that how life is sometimes?

There are many events happening that I don't know their reasons being...but I still let them occurs even though I don't really want them to.

With this sort of character of mine, sometimes I just hate myself for being who I am. Because I don't know why I'd act like that. Knowing I don't want to do it, but still do...hurt my self-respect that I'm lacking so much.

Somehow, I think that I'm repeating myself in my entires.
That's because my problems haven't been solved yet.
And I really wonder when would they be.
What do I have to do for them to be cleared.
For me to be feel better.

Love isn't everything in life and we have to understand that. Knowing it isn't enough.

I need to stop being dependant on a certain way to lead life too...on some people...I need to get out of that type of routine that isn't necessarily healthy and long-lasting.

Time too sleep,

Good night! (I'll come back on this topic soon enough).

9.1.08

Heartless

The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have a heart. What happened for me to have such a cold heart? I attended a funeral, witnessed that person dying, but can't even shed tears. Seeing my cousins so sad, there's nothing I can do beside hugging them. During a whole lifetime, people come and go, but there's a difference when you know you'll never see that person ever again. However, that feeling is unknown to me. Having seen few deaths, I don't tremble in front of this. What I'm scared of is losing a life in my hands, but I'm aware that when time comes, people have to go.

I met many family members that I haven't seen in years, some recognize me, some don't. Everyone was there. With some, the feeling was great and the atmosphere was wonderful...but with others, it was awkward.

They are people we haven't talked to for so long due to family's problems. With my cousin's dad departure, family members gathered and everything seems normal. People tried to be as friendly as possible, although they are complaining and actually do not want to be there. I wonder how long this peaceful moment would last. Would the coldness come back? Why can't we sincerely forgive each other, turn the page, and move on with our lives? Anyways, from the start, we meant nothing to each other, so why bothering being angry?

I can't understand them and I don't understand myself.

Sometimes, I don't know what I'm doing. Being stubborn, I just do it without caring if it's good or not...or even knowing it's bad, I'd still do it. Why? I feel so heartless not only to people around me but also to myself. I'm aware that by doing this...I'll just get sad...but I did not expect to be so upset.

I know I've been lying to myself from the start...and kept on doing so. Also, even though I knew the truth, I would just ignore it, as if it wasn't there. That's so not a way to live a life.

After all this, I find myself losing strength. I guess time to give up is coming. I can't see myself going on for long anymore without knowing where I'm heading towards to... At first, it might be fun to live an unstable life because not a day is the same...but in the end, it's tiresome.

I'm losing patience. Some kind of behaviour is just not tolerable. There's a give-and-take rule that needs to be kept balanced in any sort of relationship and when it's unbalanced with consequences, then it's time to reflect on what's wrong.

Why can't we face it? Why can't we face the truth and talk about what went wrong? As if, it wasn't worth the effort, worth the time, worth investing.

I'm exhausted.

I'm pissed off...because I tried too much, gave more than me.

When would it be really too much?

I wish I could press on a button so that I can see how's the future.

But... how many times have I told myself to stop and never did?
How many times did I hide that I'm mad or sad...?
It's wrong not showing how we really feel...I'm aware that I have tendency to keep things inside, however this might be done due to inferiority feelings that shouldn't be there in the first place. I need to rise.

tuy người hầu bên cạnh ngươi không phải la ta
ta không được lồng của ngươi
nhưng mà đã được có người của ngươi
như vậy đã đủ cho ta
nhớ một đời, một kiếp.

Omg, it took me age to type this down right, hopefully. It's actually a script from a chinese series...but, in such a long while, it made me tear up..weeping in my room.

//Edit
Initially, I thought about posting this private so that I can continue the entry another day...but as I'm busy everyday, didn't get time and mood to continue this. At most, I'll just create another entry.

4.1.08

Tree, Leaf, Wind & Love

This New Year started off weirdly and it's not as if everything has been going smoothly for people around me. I also find myself quite affected by this. I found this story in my documents while cleaning up. Quite special and wanted to share.
Friends, take care of yourself.
Best Wishes for New Year 08.

*People call me "Tree".*

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her. I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.

She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my break up. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together... I knew who the
person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read a SMS in my mobile. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"


*People call me Leaf..*

During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hide my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl. I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me, why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him.

Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart.

I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay...

- If you really want that person to stay, then ask, because maybe, she'd have if you'd just asked.

**People call me Wind..**

Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note.

The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left. It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away..""It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to
leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly, changed, and took a taxi, and rushed to her place & pressed her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...

*Moral..*

In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself. There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go...

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's
available. It's best to wait for the right one because life is too short to waste on just someone . - But time doesn't wait...though.