Who Am I?

"Not everybody who don't wear pants, is perverted."
-Winnie D' Pooh

"Did you know that all i ever wanted was to get close to you?, but still you shooed me away."
-Cockroach

"Go ahead! I know you only want my body!"
-Shrimp

"Not everything that's green is nutritious."
-Plem

"I'm sick and tired of being passed back and forth!"
-Basketball

"I did everything to make you happy, is it that hard to stay with one? Why do you keep on changing?"
-TV

"You can't donate every blood that's in you."
-Period

"I know that in your eyes you see me happy. But why is it like that?! Everytime you people can't say anything else you use me?! Why do you always use me?! I'm tired of smiling!"
-Smiley face


The Drunk

There was a drunk guy who passed by a fat woman and her dog.
Drunk: Hey where'd you get the pig?!
Woman: It's a dog, not a pig you idiot!
Drunk: Stop bothering! I was asking the dog!

Animal

Wife: Hon, who's Trixie?
Husband: Oh that's my horse that I betted?/gambled on.
Wife: Oh really?! Ok you bastard go and answer the phone, your horse is calling!!!!!

Anniversary

Wife: Honey on our 20th anniversary what will your present be?
Husband: I'll take you to Africa.
Wife: Awwe that's sweet! How about on our 50th anniversary?
Husband: I'll pick you up and take you home.