I should be sleeping by now, but there's something.
I missed her, so I called her a week ago. I was actually jealous after seeing pictures of the three of them together. (Something I got over with within an hour or so.) Also, that they held a birthday party for another girl and I was the one missing (not that it went smooth last year...). I used to not be the one not attending a dinner. But, it was my choice: I told them I had to study for my midterms.
The conversation was weird...as in, we didn't quite have something to say. She said I sounded desperate about life. Then, we didn't talk again until yesterday, when she called to go back home together after, but I was already getting close to my house by then with my overtime. She called again today during her break...like she used to weeks ago. My close friends would call to know how their friend is doing, to catch up with me...to talk, even though we haven't been hanging out with each other much. That's what she and I did, but it'd never be the same again, because from now on, 'to be fair', I won't share what's 'too' personal about me anymore. Just as someone said, either you say nothing or tell everything to everyone. All right, that's what I'll do.
Since the incident, the person, that I can't really face yet, sms'ed me to go out. The person who doesn't know nothing about everything, called several times to go out. And there...there's this friend that I miss. But it's okay, because I'm the one turning them down. Yes, no matter how busy I might be, if I want to see someone, I'd still go. At least, my mind is more at rest like this and I'm glad for that. Oh, and for different reasons to different people, I do feel sorry. Although saying sorry is a good start, but it doesn't solve your problems, 'cuz it isn't likely to stay.
One of them said that because I'm the 'center' of the group, when my mood changes, it affects the whole group. However, I'm not the one putting up a bull-face on a friend's party due to personal reason. She holds grudges against me, so why can't I do the same? Well, it doesn't matter if that was her intention or not, but she managed to win and I actually let her to. Sometimes, it's way too tiring to fight that you just have to let go. It's like fighting to treat a wound while with time, the infection only gets worse. They probably understood that they don't need me to see each other and I'll get use to not be there when they are. And I have to mention that they used to say, 'we don't really see each other when you're not there'. Well, not anymore.
And you know, as long as the choice you made fits you, what can people do?
p.s. Hema-Quebec called to ask me to do blood donation, but I turned it down...duh lil anemic is moi. =( felt bad though.
I missed her, so I called her a week ago. I was actually jealous after seeing pictures of the three of them together. (Something I got over with within an hour or so.) Also, that they held a birthday party for another girl and I was the one missing (not that it went smooth last year...). I used to not be the one not attending a dinner. But, it was my choice: I told them I had to study for my midterms.
The conversation was weird...as in, we didn't quite have something to say. She said I sounded desperate about life. Then, we didn't talk again until yesterday, when she called to go back home together after, but I was already getting close to my house by then with my overtime. She called again today during her break...like she used to weeks ago. My close friends would call to know how their friend is doing, to catch up with me...to talk, even though we haven't been hanging out with each other much. That's what she and I did, but it'd never be the same again, because from now on, 'to be fair', I won't share what's 'too' personal about me anymore. Just as someone said, either you say nothing or tell everything to everyone. All right, that's what I'll do.
Since the incident, the person, that I can't really face yet, sms'ed me to go out. The person who doesn't know nothing about everything, called several times to go out. And there...there's this friend that I miss. But it's okay, because I'm the one turning them down. Yes, no matter how busy I might be, if I want to see someone, I'd still go. At least, my mind is more at rest like this and I'm glad for that. Oh, and for different reasons to different people, I do feel sorry. Although saying sorry is a good start, but it doesn't solve your problems, 'cuz it isn't likely to stay.
One of them said that because I'm the 'center' of the group, when my mood changes, it affects the whole group. However, I'm not the one putting up a bull-face on a friend's party due to personal reason. She holds grudges against me, so why can't I do the same? Well, it doesn't matter if that was her intention or not, but she managed to win and I actually let her to. Sometimes, it's way too tiring to fight that you just have to let go. It's like fighting to treat a wound while with time, the infection only gets worse. They probably understood that they don't need me to see each other and I'll get use to not be there when they are. And I have to mention that they used to say, 'we don't really see each other when you're not there'. Well, not anymore.
And you know, as long as the choice you made fits you, what can people do?
p.s. Hema-Quebec called to ask me to do blood donation, but I turned it down...duh lil anemic is moi. =( felt bad though.
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