Better in Time

I crashed. I snap when I'm seriously pissed. Well, all I did was yelling. It's really nobody fault. I shouldn't have. But I yelled. It's probably the finals and a hectic weekend at work that popped my balloon.

Okay, so before going on that, how about a little bit on the bright side? Nancy and I spent a day studying together. It was her first time going to McGill library, to any library at all. She had never studied outside her house and it was her suggestion. I thought, maybe it's the time really to let go of what happened. Actually, we were supposed to go two weeks ago but I cancelled. It wasn't 'personal' only busy elsewhere. As far as I remember, it wasn't quite productive. The shopping part for her yes. Oh, and of course, we went to look for books, I always do when I'm with her, but ended up buying nothing. The craziness for Edward Cullen is insane, it goes from grandmothers to young teenagers. I should consider finishing that book one day.

Few days later, I went to study at the BnQ with a friend and my oh-so-heavy laptop. Then, another friend showed up because he didn't want to stay with his girlfriend o.O. My mind was busy talking to him while I was wrapping up my stuff into the bag. All three of us went to have dinner then ended up in a coffeeshop. As I was unpacking, something's missing! Uh-Oh...I was sure I wrapped the laptop plug but where did I put it? Thanks to him, he walked back to BnQ (I didn't make him, he proposed) and found it on the study table. Seriously, what a relief! But I got a "you're hopeless" in return later that night (just because I lost some unimportant thing again *grin*)

Oh, I missed him. We talked less when I went away to VN and by the time I got back, he had to go to the Army. He's the kind of friend who'd let me ramble about anything and everything, he'd still be listening. The kind of friend who'd just sit beside you through diffcult times. The friend who sticks to you even if he doesn't agree with your choices. The one who knows I have an issue as soon as he noticed my missed call. But, at most, we only see each other twice a year. He nodded when my friend said that I treat him as if he was my girl friend. Hey, shouldn't that be a compliment? We just get too comfortable...too alike. That doesn't keep him from being a really nice courteous guy. He stayed there as long as I was studying, bored the hell out of him, but didn't complain. I wanted to buy him a cup of coffee to thank him, but he didn't let me pay.

All right, so back to what made me crash. I was having a little conversation with the night nurse who says I'm all funny and pitiful. She says that I must have went to circus school or something, 'cuz apparently, I make her laugh with that funny behaviour of mine. Believe me, I still don't understand why. She tried to explain but then, she gave up explaining.

Saturday evening, I was already overloaded with work with 8 patients. Sunday, the boss gave me another one as well as to the yet-to-be licensed nurse, while the other 2 regular nurses get to have eight. When I asked for their help, one answered "I'm very busy. A post op is coming up." and the other one said, "I can't help you after 23h00". Seriously? I found the first one staring at the ceiling when I walked by her (and she started charting by 22h00) and the latter on the computer by 23h30 with an apple in his mouth!

I told the nighty nurse that I don't understand how come they're always done with their job so early while I get to stay behind. She answered, "because you do you're job and because they choose their patients, they get the non-heavy cases". You know, sometimes, I'd think I'm overly slow...even feeling guilty filling out that overtime paper. But crappy you! One of my patient was in delirum, he needed haldo every 6h, pulled out the tube going from his nose into his stomach twice and the tube going into his bladder 3 times during the day plus anything I/V connected to him on the day shift. He ended up with a private care by the evening shift, but she did nothing! She let him pulled out the tube out of his penis! I can't be that slow am I? Because I installed the gastric tube and the bladder tube within 15 minutes....As far as I can reckon, the last time I did those stuff was probably over a year ago. Okay, so that nurse says I'll die soon because I'm too stressed. Hey, it was 2am, I had to get home so that I could sleep then wake up and study.

I forfeit. I admit, I'm stressed out. Overall, it's a crappy semester. With the nursing license, I got behind in the studies and couldn't catch up....then came all the personal problems. I just want this to end soon...courses all passed so that I can start over better next year.

A friend said, 'You don't just want to pass your courses.' I really just need to pass my courses, but it's upsetting to know that you got a C. It means that you didn't understand the content well enough. Plus, who'd want a nurse who got C's? Up until now, I haven't 'just and only' passed my courses, so knock on wood and pray.

Oh, and I've never done well working and studying at the same time. I always end up feeling stuffy. But, I can't leave the hospital. Who'd pay the tuition then?

Hum...it's almost 3am and I have to get up in 4 hours so I think I'd just go hug my plush and sleep. Good Night