Christmas Wish

Christmas carols can be annoying. Stores play them way too early to put people into Christmas spirit. I hate them most at Starbucks, after spending so much time there, you can't help but hate Christmas carols. But, I've been obsessing over 'Christmas Wish' sang by 98 degrees. Probably the one and only Christmas song I love. No offense to Christmas lovers.

Finals were officially over yesterday at 17h00. It's funny because I had 7 days (minus 2 working days) to study, but I didn't do as much as a good student should be even if all this time, I was home. Try to figure why; I don't feel like going broad on this. I used my instinct, which is quite a good tool I own and really, it's quite accurate in guessing the turn-out of events, to choose answers. Ah, sometimes, there's no point in thinking too much when you gave up learning by heart.

In the end, I'm not that alone....because there will be a family dinner, not a huge one, not a really happy one, but a family dinner to remember my uncle's death. I'll probably use this time to send myself over my cousin's house and hibernate. I need vacation. Sometimes, I just enjoy doing absolutely nothing along side someone. That's a way I can rest without being lonely.

My cousin told me that if I don't go the temple with her on Sunday morning, then she won't go either. When I asked her why, she replied, "Je vais pleurer sur qui?" Let's rewind to a year ago. When I stepped into the ICU room, there laid my uncle and his family memebers crying at his bedside. My family members whom I haven't seen over 5 years (it was another Mom and family's fights that temporary cut off the ties). The first and only thing that I could have done was to take my cousin in my arms. Maybe it's this memory...From then on, whenever she has a problem, she doesn't look out for her sister, but comes up to me. She told me that she doesn't share any secrets to her sister, even if her sister confides in her. She is like a little sister to me...because I'm her secrets keeper....because even her mom and her sister do not know, so in the end, she only has me. It felt warmth...but it also feels heavy.

On the other hand, I'm glad both my Kimmy's have finally found a way out of their problems. One will surely find a way to take catch-up classes and the other one got back to work at my hospital. I'm glad to know that I'm one of the first person to seek to when they need help. Kim likes me to be there when she goes to the doctor or when she has to go to schools to meet with the board...so she always ask me out to accompany her.

Miji is an important friend. I believe she felt guilty because I got a little bit sick from alchohol last time, so yesterday, she didn't ask me out. I understand how she loves and feel about alcohol, but she plays it dangerous and she knows it. I'm not there to stop her or whatsoever. She clearly knows what she's doing even if it's sort of a rebound or whatsoever...because it's just the same for me. I have a urge to ingurgitate alcohol when I'm angry. I feel like partying when I'm in a fool mood not that I always do. However, the friend that's supposed to join her didn't. Instead, I got a call from her to check up later on if everything's all right. She feels guilty to leave Miji with her own friends (that apparently do not know well enough to take care of her). Miji will call me if there's something. She always did.

In order to teach a child to stand up on his own, you have to let him trip over. Just like a kid, she knows that's a bad idea, but unlike a child, she's mature enough to make her own choices and assume the consequences. I'm not a mother. I don't want my friend to be a mother for Miji's either. I may be too passive. She says it's mean. She says this way of 'teaching' is mean (what did I do again?). But hey...I can't force and won't force something into someone's mind when she's perfectly able to make a decision on her own. That friend asked me to take care of her, but what do you want me to do when before leaving, Miji said, "I'll be wild tonight, I want to have fun." I still carry on with that philosophy of mine which is as long as there's no regret...do what you like if that's really what you want. At least, she got her ways release stress....because I don't...euh, or can't? I know this semester has been terrible. It has been horrible for the three of us.

We haven't had any vacation. Four days after the end of the CEGEP nursing exam, we had to fly to VietNam. In Hanoi, it was a chore everyday...we might haven't been of a good help, but it was difficult to adapt. They cried...one after another. I might not have cried as much as they did, but within a six weeks, the amount was probably equal to the number of times tears fall off my eyes here. You wouldn't understand all the admin stuff I had...(we had) to take care of over there. Then, only one day and a half after landing in Montreal, Linda and I had to go back to work and University kicks in not long after.

So...My Christmas wish? I don't want much. I just wish to be able to spend genuine time with those loved ones for Christmas and New Year. I don't need fancy trips. I don't need 10 people gattering up together and have a feast. Gifts are stuff that I can affort if I really wanted them...
(you know it, after buying your own PC, TV, laptop, etc... o.O) but there's really something that no matter what, I can't give and get as I'd want to... and that's happy time.

I'm so so exhausted to be running around like this. I want to enjoy helping out my friends. But sometimes...sometimes I'd get so exhausted that I can't care more. I know that they want to do the same...so when I'm like this, they don't like it. They want me to talk, they care too. Sometimes, I don't want to talk.

Finally, I got the last day of the 2008 off. =) Got to trade with someone...and hopefully, my Christmas Wish will come true...no lonely Dec 31th 08.

Ok, I better shut up and bed. Um....good night to me. The home phone is unplugged.

p.s. Hopefully again, I'd get some time to revamp this blog with real photoshop work. It's plain.