Lesson #2: Knowing

The preview of the movie Knowing with Nicolas Cage appeared to be very interesting. However, it turned out to be a scary/science-fiction movie and a "the end is only a new beginning" theme. When I got out of the movie theaters, my heart couldn't stop racing... which went on until I went to be. Such a stressor I didn't need, urgh.

I thought it was only Autumn that makes people become grey and blue; I didn't know Spring has that ability too... or is it Summer?

Can you tell how a person feels by judging her appearance? What if she's just pretending? What if she maintains her calm and gentle voice when she speaks with you? What if she still presents herself with a smile? Would you be able to tell...that when she's scared to fall asleep at night, it's because she's scared that her nightmares would come true? That she has a hard time to fall asleep without sounds? Would you be able to tell that she feels obsessed...with the same thoughts running around in her minds, those thoughts that wouldn't leave?

And if you knew all that...would you say she's just a crazy person? If you knew all of these, would you understand why so she wants to be gone so much? Would you get why she doesn't want to be who she is? Would you understand...how great it is if memories could be erased?

You probably know that wondering is by far far worse than knowing? But do you know...that expecting the end can hurt more than starting over again with an unexpected ending?

Little did she know, she's already an adult and like anyone, there are responsibilities to be taken care of. If she knew that growing meant so much pain...if she could have chosen, she'd have stayed like stardust...without worries, without thoughts and feelings, and so free. She wouldn't have to belong.

Ambivalence...there are always two potential choices...and you never know what to choose until the very last minute. No more summer stage, I'm tired of schooling. I'll take things slow and smooth from now on, learning to walk again...making each step with my own pace. It will take more time, but I will eventually reach the finish line...It just feels so much better...so peaceful. I'm relieved...until it starts again.