Another Beginning

So I heard, "The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end..."

It makes sense. It happens to others. But it has been a while since I witnessed a concrete conclusion. My situations likes to unfold themselves into worse case scenarios. Why is it that when you try to look for an answer, you don't exactly get a lie, but a simple reply to cover up the truth behind it? Isn't it just worse? Isn't that how doubt takes place? Anyways, it's just that sometimes, I'd really make use of an ending... Sometimes, endings can be more interesting than the beginnings. Some people just go 'pouff' and disappear out of your life. Then, you'd wonder why or how.

School started with news of a girl in my nursing program who died from a car accident. She was taken off from life support the day prior to debut. It is a shame for her to die like this. Nevertheless, for a moment, the thought of exchanging place with her flew through me. You see, what's scary isn't the car accident itself. After all, she became brain dead and is thus unaware of her situation. If it was to happen, I'd rather choose that than having to cope with the lost of an organ or limb or personality. Consequences are more difficult to bear when you have to assume them.

This world of pretend is tiresome. There were weeks that I had plans every evening just not to have to bump into my family members. As far as I remember, there are always moments with hatred within the whole big family. When I needed protection, I didn't hear what I would have wanted to. When I haven't asked for any opinion, suddenly, barriers are popping out to surround me.

The idea of a family isn't this. This... isn't what I want for family. Truthfully, it's not about anyone. It's just me. I resent myself for destroying the idea of what relationships are supposed to be like, all those values and ideals are gone. It is a redundant mess. I think I hate myself. Someone else wouldn't have let those situations exist. It'd have been ok, if someone was at least genuinely happy.

But I wanted to do something to change, not only being all about talks. Few weeks ago, I subscribed to a nursing agency to Switzerland...

"Some endings take a long time to reveal themselves, but when they do they're almost too easy to ignore...
Some beginnings start so quietly you don't even notice they're happening.
But most endings come when you least expect them. And what they portend is darker than you've ever imagined."