Ten years ago, it was our first year in high school. Not too long after befriending with Jade, she told me at first, I was so scary that she didn't dare to talk to me. We met in the cooking classes. Two years ago, at work I met my really good friend, whom I talk to everyday since. She said at the beginning, I gave her a very serious face expression, making her felt so pressured not to make any mistake. About a year ago or two ago, Chi invited me to eat and study with her med school friends. One of them (P) is like an older brother to her.
Well, today, she told me that P said, "your friend is very out there, believing in herself (really?), being extrovert, while you're very in.... And you two are best friends?" We met no more than five hours (3h were used to study). I was surprise P got that first impression from me, because people are more likely to label me as introvert. Today, I still consider myself to be one, unless you get to know me better. I'm also stunned because I'm usually the one being step on, while Chi is better at protecting herself.
Also, I told her that we are friends since 7 years old, but we have never ever being alike. Anyone can ask us, I doubt we have an answer as to why we are best friends. At some point, I thought there was just time and friendship holding us together, because we had too many reasons and excuses to separate. She thinks very carefully before each step and would never go against her moral sense, while I can throw all that away just to do what I really want to do at that moment. (And let's not mention the consequences those choices can carry...)
Back to today, the main subject is Jade's new boyfriend (K). Chi asked all of us if we have ever being attracted to K. After denying, I shared that he told me on two occasions that I'm aggressive. Jade and Momo added that K told them I scare him. All right, he doesn't have to explicit announce it, I knew long ago. Let's say I'm too wild (I'm considered too well-behaved by my coworkers) for his platonic personality, boring must I say.
While we were at it, Chi also asked about our interest in T (cake guy). Nancy's funny reply was "he's not tall enough." I told them, there was some interest but I lost it, so Chi wanted to know why. Well, when a guy is interested in you, he would do what he can to spare time to be with you. As for me, when he said, "I want a cake or I want a coffee" or whatever excuse at whatever time of the day and then, I would suggest, "all right then, let's meet..." the only reply I'd get is "yeah, maybe, one day." The girls were surprised I took many initiatives (Jade says she'd have given up on the first try) and said "you're courageous, props to you." Maybe with time, I learned I have to run for opportunities and that relationships don't fall from the sky. Surely, it is easier for a girl to accept a guy who likes her than to 'go for it'. But I've never really enjoyed being loved more than loving. Nevertheless, you also need to know when to let go and this was that much I can do. T is not worth more. Also know that, you don't need someone to be happy.
Overall, the ironic part is, by adding all these situations, I guess I obviously scare people out on my first impressions. But you know what? I think I might like it. Maybe it's a way to protect myself, it creates a distance I need with some and not with others. Just as when I get together with my coworkers-friends, our conversations and jokes can terribly go X-rated and absolutely ridiculously funny, while it can be terribly zen with my old friends. And sometimes, it makes me wonder if first impressions are really always wrong or... do they hold some reliable truth?
And on a side note, it took me about a year to knit my own scarf, but it was finally done before winter! So soft I love it, but clumsy as I am, a tiny drop of coffee had stained it...
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