Code Blue On Ambition

It's my first time witnessing and participating in a whole process of a code blue. So now that I'm in my bed writing this entry, let's rewind to six hours ago.

A daughter came to me in panic, saying that her father is having tremors (nobody on the unit gets what tremors. French of Quebec. Ya.)
"Is he known for Parkinson?"
"No"
"Is he diabetic?"
"No, he was eating fine in the chair until he began shaking all over." I turned my head towards the common room and indeed, he was having intense tremors. It almost appeared like epilepsy. By the way, he was not my patient and I didn't know his case. His incompetent nurse (C) left to lunch and when I called her, she didn't bother explaining his case, hence as I was going through the chart, I asked others to take the blood pressure and glucose test. Impossible to get an BP and the glucose was a little high for a non diabetic person, but that shouldn't be it. He also couldn't say if he has chest pain, but was known for cardiac fibrillation and has a history of heart attack.

After putting back to bed, his O2 blood level and PB were low with a high cardiac rhythm. The ortho surgeon (the patient official doctor) was there so I grabbed her over, but she said there was nothing she could do so we called for pre-code. The team from ICU came down with the
equipment and started checking up his chart. All this while, the patient was still conscious. The patient coded during chest X-rays and I experienced my first ever cardiac massages. Sweaty thing.

Then, his nurse (C) came back and I expelled her from the room, telling her I'd take of her patient and she takes over mine. Dude, this person doesn't even know what to do anyways. First and foremost, she wasn't there from the very beginning. Now, even with artificial ventilation, he turned grey not too long after his cardiac arrest and then, I knew he was gone. The family was insisting for reanimation so that's what we did for over an hour, but in vain. Since then, all I can think of is this. It was so sudden. He was post-op of 8 days already, where did the complications come from and how come no one noticed that before? He didn't have fever, so it couldn't be infection. And since when tremors equal fibrillation?

However, even if I'm not competent enough for this kind of situation, I loved the experience. I think I'd enjoy it to work in the ICU. We were about five people taking turns for the cardiac massages and when it was my turn, I had to tiptoe. Someone yelled out for a little chair as they got the bed even higher, making it even harder for the little me. The team seems awesome! My assistant nurse thanked us (F. + S. + me) for taking over the code blue. As I was trying to lower my own blood pressure, she says, "S. et toi vous êtes bonnes, mais mon petit doigt me dit que dès que tu auras fini tes études, tu vas t'en aller (du département). Tandis que S., même si elle s'en va, elle va revenir. Restez encore au moins deux ans, ne laissez pas tomber Isabelle si tôt." Hey, there will always be good and bad nurses, with us there or not, the unit will continue to function. Plus, it's the boss's mistake for keeping incompetent employees.

Anyways, are my wings so spread out that everyone knows I'd want to try something different? Or is it because I fly pretty well on my own that this isn't enough to satisfy my ambition? Is it written on my face or something? Well, let me tell you a secret, now matter how big a woman's ambition is, at the end of the day, all she'd wish for is a shoulder to rest on, regardless of her age.

Honestly, I do like my life right now. I know I can be a case of envy, but I've also paid a price for this. The me three years ago and the me three years later are so much different. I've gained self-confidence and lot of life experience, yet I'm not sure if I like the me of today. Now, I can't help but wonder if there's a hidden motive behind a person's acts, which I don't appreciate to do. I've come to understand that a woman's most powerful weapon isn't tears but acting pitifully innocent (behaving like she's clueless). On the other hand, she has mastered the rules of manipulation with the target believing that he has the control over the situation. Thank god, this is too hardcore for me.

Cheers!