Words I Want To Say

What do you do when an unexpected yet apprehended situation happens?
Or more accurately, a scenario you're familiar with, a history you conscientiously knew it may hold a chance to repeat itself, but yet sincerely hoped it wouldn't occur, and now wished it didn't.

Sometimes, it takes time and requires you to a step back to realize it's not as easy or as simple to bear than you thought. While still under a certain shock, everybody would think, it should be all right, it's far from being an unknown moment. It seems okay, until your body tells you physically that it isn't okay.

Being unable to fall asleep...
When finally fallen on the pillow ; wake-up almost every hour in complete perspiration...
As if... Unknown to you... you went through a sort of nightmare. It was one of my worst night.

That I partially brought it upon myself.

Those words I want to say, but teach me... how to speak.

Since then, I've been feeling just bland... Winter is slowly leaving the city for Spring that I've been anticipating so much, but to me... the chillness came back cooler than ever... As if continuously being passed as a mere nobody; I've came to allow it to be this way, haven't I? I want to ask, why is it that how I feel even merely taken into consideration? Simply because I don't matter enough to be cared for more than this...

What I've come to reckon is that after all, this is not what I wanted; wholeheartedly for everybody. And I do feel apologetic, call me stupid if you'd like, but yes, for it has taken away whatever pretty pieces there were left. That's the consequence of being greedy, isn't it?

I managed to get 6 continuous days off, oh how I wished I can hop on the airplane to Paris (even checked tickets out together). Arf, vacations where are you?